(Closed) need serious advice!!

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

yikes this is a sticky situtation. This is what I would probably do to cut the guest list… cut out anyone who you, or your family hasn’t spoken to for a year is out… you sent out the Save-The-Date Cards so if they didn’t acknowledge it, it probably doesnt mean that much to them anyway.  Like you said alot of those people you don’t even talk to anymore. 

Post # 4
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - Majestic Colonial Resort, Punta Cana

How did you announce to all those STD-recipients that the wedding date was no longer set for NYE? Did you mention anywhere "new date to be announced"? If so, then yeah, my guess is they’d still be expecting to hear about the new date, even if you don’t talk to them much. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with changing your plans to have a smaller wedding but I do think that being upfront about it is prolly the best way to roll. A little note to tell them your ‘wedding plans have changed and sorry you won’t be able to see them’ to the dis-invited guests might be one way to do it. It’s a tough one… but honestly is usually the best policy in the end.

Post # 5
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I would evaluate the invitations of the 150 potential non-invitees on a case-by-case basis. If someone is close enough to the family that you fear awkwardness and hurt feelings at the prospect of not inviting them (like, they are the only set of cousins not invited), then I would just go ahead and invite them to save yourself the heartache. But if another person exists in a relative vacuum to the rest of the family, then your non-invitation may pass unnoticed so you needn’t worry or bother inviting them again.

For those that are inquiring but are no longer invited, you and your parents should tell the truth: Due to personal and financial reasons, you have reevaluated the type of wedding you are able to have. You plan to have a smaller family wedding—let them make their own assumptions about what that means :).

Regardless, your problem may solve itself for you: you are not the only ones affected by the tanking economy. Brides everywhere are seeing shrinking guest lists. Unless all your guests are local, it is likely that many out-of-towners (especially those more distantly related or less important—like the 150 you might have cut) will not come anyway. Good luck! 

Post # 6
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

A girl that I was friends with in high school was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. Her guest list sizes were similar, as was the delay between the "first" and "second" wedding.

I was "invited" to the first wedding (I received the STD, but the wedding was canceled before invites were sent), but did not receive an invitation to the second. Honestly, I wasn’t bothered at all. I hadn’t been in close communication with her for a while, and was kind of surprised to be invited to begin with. Plus, I completely understood her reasons for cutting down the large guest list (which I heard through the grapevine, as we had mutual friends). 

As a representative of the people who would be "uninvited," I say go for it. When the initial wedding is cancelled (or postponed), I consider the original STD voided.

Best wishes to your MIL!

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