Post # 1
Hi Bees, so I have a conundrum. I have a Future Sister-In-Law, married to my FI’s brother, who I am fairly close to and whose kids I spend time with. I am asking her to do a reading in my ceremony. My Fiance has another unmarried brother with a long-term girlfriend, who I am also pretty close to! Basically, we all call each other future sisters-in-law. When I was talking to my photographer in our initial consult, she said when that happens she does a full family photo with the girlfriend and one without…just in case. They AREN’T engaged and while we all expect them to be in the nearish future, anything could happen until then, and you don’t want someone in all your photos who’s going to be a source of hurt in the future. Then again, people divorce, so I’m not sure if it’s really an issue.
So my question is…how do I involve the girlfriend in a way that shows that she matters to me without making it weird in case they don’t stay together? I have no problems with including her, and really, if she did a reading and ended up not being a part of my family in the future, I don’t think it would really bother anyone. But everyone has advised against giving her one of the more honorary roles because it could be awkward for everyone if the relationship doesn’t continue. So my initial thought was guest book. However, after reading a lot of scathing opinions on guest book attendants, I’m worried that she’ll consider it a “pity ask.” I really want her to feel included on the day. It sucks enough that she isn’t engaged yet when she wants to be, and to be excluded makes it even worse. I don’t want to single her out as “not family.” I think she probably will be someday, and I’d hate for it to be some weird point of tension in the future that I didn’t involve her.
Any ideas/advice? Again, I really am happy to include her just like my other Future Sister-In-Law, but I don’t want to make things weird for anyone else. Maybe that’s worrying too much? I was also planning on doing 2 readings, one for my brother and one for Future Sister-In-Law, but really, who cares if I have 3? Mostly, I just want to include her and show that I do think of her as part of my future family without upsetting anyone else, and I’m having trouble figuring out how to do that!
Post # 3
Hmmm.. I understand your concern, but I think you are worrying way too much. I’d invite her to your shower and bachelorette (if you are having them) and include her in some of the wedding pictures. And if you travel anywhere to take pictures or do anything inbetween the ceremony and reception, I’d invite her along too. I don’t see anything wrong with her doing a reading, but I also don’t think it’s necessary. I definitely wouldn’t have her be a guest book attendent though – it really is a crap job.
Honestly, there are only so many opportunities to honor someone during your wedding and odds are you won’t be able to include everyone you want. I’m sure she won’t be upset if you are unable to include her.
Post # 4
@RunsWithBears: I agree with RunsWithBears. Except I’d probably do a double of each photo she’s in – one with and one with ohuh just to play it safe.
Post # 5
@tirralirra: I feel like an idiot asking this but what is a guest book attendant?
Post # 6
@Aquaria: Its okay, I have no idea either…
Post # 7
I wouldn’t worry about your possible Future Sister-In-Law not feeling included. Just make sure she’s invited to the proper pre-wedding activities and you’ll be fine. It can be really nice to just be a guest at a wedding without duties, even if you are close to the bride.
I agree with the what you’ve read about guest book attendants. It’s a stupid BS job, and no one needs to be standing there telling people to sign it. Everyone knows what a guest book is for. They will sign it if they want to, and they won’t if they don’t.
I’m doing a reading for a friend’s wedding this month and she randomly asked me a bit later if I could also hand out programs. In the same breath, she also said “or we could just put them in a basket instead”. I told her to put them in a basket. Same idea. BS job.
Post # 8
A guest book attendent is someone who stands by the guest book and makes sure people sign it.
Post # 9
do whatever you want based on your relationship right now and not what may or may not happen in the future. who cares if other people don’t agree!
Post # 11
@RunsWithBears: ok thanks. Really? People are actually designated to do that? I would think a book with blank pages and a pen is pretty self explanatory. Why is an attendant needed?
Post # 12
Yea you are definitely overthinking this. No one is going to be thinking afterwards if they were to break up like oh no she read the reading at his sister’s wedding, so awkward! It would only be awkward if they broke up before the wedding and you still had her do the reading, ha!
I do agree on taking a picture without her. I would try to do the picture without her first and then ask her to join, I think that order just makes it a little less awkward/obvious what you are doing.
Post # 13
@Aquaria: Hahaha, exactly! That’s why guest book attendent is such a crap job.
Post # 14
@RunsWithBears: oh jeez. I pray no one ever asks me to be that person… Surely it just means you can’t have fun and have to spend what should be a fun night with a book?