(Closed) Need some advice!

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’re not being a crazy woman! Darling Husband and I wrote notes for eachother the morning of the wedding too. But I didn’t really as for his opinion, I just told him it was important and special to me and asked him to do it, and he said okay. That way of going about it might work better for you, because I know it’s frustrating trying to explain why you want to do the special things when your guy doesn’t find it necessary. And yes, in the end he was glad we did it =)

Post # 4
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Well, he probably feels like, if he’s only doing something because you’re asking him to do it, to him it might seem contrived and inauthentic. For some people, following an established tradition is more meaningful because the generations that have gone before and done all these rituals help to imbue them with meaning for that person. Other people prefer not to just follow traditional rituals because they are more drawn to the road less travelled. It sounds like maybe your Fiance is one of the former and you are one of the latter?

You have some time yet. Maybe along the way something will come up that both of you will like and agree is meaningful for you. I’d say don’t press it right now, but keep your eyes open and if something comes across your path, try to find the right moment to suggest it.

Post # 7
20 posts
  • Wedding: May 2012

I do understand how you feel, some details will be more important to you than your fiancé and likely some of the details he wants will be more important to him than you too. I sort of agree with KCKnd2 that it may help if you can find a compromise that means something to both of you. Also, it depends on what your man is like but I did find not pushing things too hard helped my cause if my Fiancé was a bit on the fence about something I wanted for our wedding.

To give you an example, I had my heart set on a little routine for our first dance, nothing fancy-schmancy just something to stop us shuffling awkwardly round. When I first introduced the idea it was all but a flat-out no, but gradually, and with me leaving the idea to germinate without pushing it, he came round to the idea. We did compromise by learning off a DVD instead of taking lessons but he ended up loving it.

I think what I’m trying to say is if it’s an idea he’s uncomfortable with because he’s not familiar with it the softly softly approach can work well. I also think in the majority of cases it’s great, as mentioned above, if you can convey that it’s important to you.  

A last thought, not to sound too preachy about it, is to keep in mind that it’s his day too. If you’re ideas are quite different you’ll need to compromise – I figured it was great preparation for married life working on all the decisions together 🙂

Good luck!

Post # 8
20 posts
  • Wedding: May 2012

Apols for mammoth post – apparently now I am married I think I am font of all knowledge about weddings and waffle on Embarassed….


Post # 10
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just tell him that it is important to you – maybe that’s a simple explanation he will get.  Men don’t get the reasoning behind the extra little things (at least my fiance doesn’t).  We are doing a unity type ceremony and he could probably care less one way or the other – he thinks it’s a nice idea but wasn’t overly excited/emotional about it like I am.  I also brought up letters to him before and he was like what? huh? why? I just said you are writing me a letter end of story and he just agreed – In my opinion he doesn’t have to understand every reason behind why if it’s important to you that should be a good enough reason! Good luck!

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