- 5 years ago
hi ladies I posted here like a year ago about how my bf and i were fighting constantly. we had talked about marriage and everything. some days we were great and others we were not.
things that bothered me about him: not doing anything with his life, not hugging me when we argued and i ended up crying, the fact that he used to lie all the time ( he didnt lie to me in the last year).
now own to me and the things he hated about me: i argue all the time, got mad very easily. i was very mean to him used to say things like you dont make me happy, hang up the phone on him, ect.
anyways deep down i know he cared about me a lot and i know i am a pain in the ass. but i always doubted that we were going to worked out because we couldnt go 2 weeks without arguing. i know that he could have made me happy if he really tried hard. i was willing to work things out. we took a 2 weeks break in our relationship because he hurt my feelings really bad. this relationship was putting both of us down. but i never wanted to end it, no matter how many times i told him, if you cant make me happy then just break up with me. everytime i said things like was because i was angry with him, got very emotional and cried and he used to just watch and get mad because he said he didnt do anything to me for me to be so mad at him and cry. sometimes that was true, sometimes not.
well last night he broke up with me. i was not expecting it. he said all we did was argue and that i was not happy him and neither was he because we were fighting too much. i started crying, and as much as i am ashamed of this i literally begged him not to do it (now is killing me, i feel so stupid), i told him that we should try and he said no. we have tried before and didnt work and i am hurting you too much. he said i know what you are feeling right now but you will be ok (he was my frist serious relationship, i was not his first serious relationship).
everything hurts, seeing the things he gave me throught our relationship (purse shoes, ballons he brought me a week ago, seeing his fb (he hasnt change our status on it, but i know it will hurt when he does), i have millions of fb pictures with him. i just dont know what to withmyself, a part of me is glad that this happen but the other part is so hurt and wish this would be a nightmare.
i feel like this pain will never go away and i feel like i wont be able to meet anyone cause i will be reminded of him. i just dont how to get myself together and continue with life. i call off work today and thank god this week is spring break so i dont have to attend college. but still i am really afraid. i wish i could look for him but i dont think is right, he broke up and idk, if this happened i guess it was for a reason. i thought that he met some else, but he called my best friend last (a guy) and told him not to leave me alone that i was going to need a lot of support he was crying on the phone with him. and said he loved me but that he thought it was the best for me. honestly i am very confused and just of posting here to see i feel better. i have been cying on and off since last night.
thanks for reading