(Closed) Need some advice…

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I think you are definitely justified in not wanting her at the wedding. But I still think you should invite her. If she really doesn’t like you and doesn’t support the wedding, she wont come.

Post # 4
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

Hmm this is a tough situation and I feel for you. I am in the same situation with my Future Sister-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law. I actually tried to extend the olive branch by asking her to be a Bridesmaid, she actually for the first month was a different person and pretty nice, then her hatered and jealously of me just got the best of her and his mother. We asked her to step down from a Bridesmaid or Best Man, it caused more issues, but in the long run it was for the best. I didn’t want someone like that part of my day.

However, the day of. I’m not sure. I would LOVE LOVE to have not invited Future Sister-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law, and though we aren’t even speaking to either of them now because of all the issues, we still invited them. It was in their hands if they wanted to accept or decline. They declined, but more so to cause more drama, and we didn’t let them. We cut off all communication and stopped feeding into them and their fights. They got scared because they knew we had to have final numbers in so then they changed their RSVP response a few weeks later. I def wanted to turn around and say NOPE, you submitted your response already, but it is his family still and we wanted to be the bigger person. We said fine. They tried to cause more drama again and we just don’t allow it, and that’s the best revenge for me.

I think you should invite her, but make it very well aware that if she or anyone else in the family acts up or does anything to ruin the day they will be asked to leave. You then tell your family and friends to be on the watch and look out in case she does anything. That’s what I did with them and their response back was they have too much class to cause a scene. I don’t believe that one bit, they didn’t have any class our entire engagement, but they now know that THEY look stupid and that we mean business when we told them will be removed if they start anything.

 

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

If it were me, I’d leave it up to Fiance. It’s his mother. I would extend an invitation and she can decide whether she comes or not. Even if she doesnt like YOU.. it’s still her sons wedding.

Post # 6
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Leave the decision up to your Fiance.

If you decide to invite her, have security or assign a babysitter for her and if she acts up, escort her tush to the curb.

As for her objecting, just don’t include that part. 

The clearing playing card?  Oh come on, Future Mother-In-Law.  Excuse her behavior because she won’t do it in the future?  Puh-lease.

Post # 8
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

Msblueberry- Are you sure your Future Sister-In-Law isn’t MY FSIL?! LOL!

Trust me, I def agree with you and know the feeling. It’s not easy to not be liked by someone in the family and really for what reason? My Future Sister-In-Law said she would object and tell everyone at the wedding what a horrible person I am , she also said she would stand up and swallow a bottle of pills durning our ceremony. She came to my shower and treated me like garbage but then wanted to start crap that I was mean and rude to her. And again, like your Future Sister-In-Law , she is not held accountable for her actions or how she treats people, and I blame the family for that. I understand that feeling of wanting to stick it to her and not invite her, but you and your Fiance n eed to talk about it together, if you both deciede you don’t want her there then don’t invite her. You have the upper hand and the control, it’s your wedding, and your day. Your not going to be the one to teach her a lesson and hold her accountable for things, don’t waste your time on someone like her. What you can do is control how often and how much she impacts YOUR life in the future, if she acts up at the wedding, her loss, not yours, because she will be the one that is not involved in your new families life. You can completely ignore her and pretend she isn’t even there. That’s what I plan on doing with my FIL’s, they were invited as it’s my Fiance family, but that doesn’t mean I need to go out of my way for them on my day.

Post # 9
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It seems that the excitement of the wedding and all the attention you are (rightly & deservedly) getting is exasperating your already strained relationship with your Future Sister-In-Law. I understand that your FMI wants her daughter to be forgiven and re-invited to the wedding, so I would tell your FMI that it will be her (FMI’s) responsibility to make sure FSI acts appropriately during the wedding.  Be the bigger person (as much as that sucks sometimes) and let FSI come.  Weddings bring out the best and unfortunately worst in a lot of people–not inviting FSI can create some long term drama that you may have to deal with for a long long long time after the wedding is done. If your FMI is a reasonable and rational person, she will have no problem asking her daughter to leave the wedding if she starts trouble. 

 

As for the RSVP and food count–adding one more person won’t ruin anything (most caterers already assume there will be one or two additional guests). 

BUT if you think that FSI’s presence at your wedding will put you in a bad mood (regardless of whether or not she causes any drama) then don’t invite her-just be aware that it can create even more problems for you later on. 

 

Post # 12
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

That’s sad you have to give your Future Sister-In-Law “guidelines” to come to your wedding. Some people… I hope everything works out with the crazies!

Post # 13
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

That’s sad you have to give your Future Sister-In-Law “guidelines” to come to your wedding. Some people… I hope everything works out with the crazies!

Post # 14
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Double post!

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