(Closed) Need some advice-family drama

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
24 posts
  • Wedding: December 2011

You should write something like this, were you are bein polite, but at the same time, giving the real reason for which you are not going.


Dear DH’s Aunt:

I am so glad about the turn around in the whole family’s attitude concerning weddings. I am pretty sure, all of you will have a wonderful time together, sharing such a meaningful moment.

We would have loved to go, and be with all of you, as we were not able to share that honor in my wedding, due to circumstances with DH’s Mother that I would rather not dwell on.

I am sure, this time, things will come to be completely different in comparison to what happened before, and I really hope you enjoy such a great occasion. I am also sure that on another time, we will have the chance to spend a nice family time, the way we wanted to in our wedding.

Be sure that even though we might not be there physically, our warmest wishes and best thoughts will be there with all of you.



Post # 4
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It sucks what his family did, but honestly, I’d let this go.  

Post # 5
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t think I would say how everything went down- that would be like stirring the pot. I would ask Darling Husband how he wants to respond.  If he wants to give the full story, then let him do it.  I do know how you want to defend Darling Husband but some situations it’s best to let it be.  And with some people who only have great experiences with some people, think you are the crazy one when you are the only that has had a problem.

I think I would go with: “I’m glad everyone has been such a help to you [meaning: because they sure as heck weren’t a help to us], it’s so great when family pulls together for one of their own.  I know I was thankful for my family- I don’t know what I would have done without them during the planning process.  While it’s great everyone will be able to attend this wedding, we’re still unable to attend but we will be thinking of cousin that day.”  I think you’d be implying plenty while coming across sweet as pie.  Plus you are promoting your family and how much THEY helped you out and how absent the IL’s were.

Post # 7
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I wouldn’t bring it up.  She’s smart enough to know what went down.  I would write and tell her how wonderful it is that everyone is going and how sorry it is that you and Darling Husband couldn’t afford to be there.  Wish everyone well and say something nice (like – can’t wait to hear all about it, see pictures, etc.).  

And, send a gift to the cousin.

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