- 7 years ago
You should write something like this, were you are bein polite, but at the same time, giving the real reason for which you are not going.
Dear DH’s Aunt:
I am so glad about the turn around in the whole family’s attitude concerning weddings. I am pretty sure, all of you will have a wonderful time together, sharing such a meaningful moment.
We would have loved to go, and be with all of you, as we were not able to share that honor in my wedding, due to circumstances with DH’s Mother that I would rather not dwell on.
I am sure, this time, things will come to be completely different in comparison to what happened before, and I really hope you enjoy such a great occasion. I am also sure that on another time, we will have the chance to spend a nice family time, the way we wanted to in our wedding.
Be sure that even though we might not be there physically, our warmest wishes and best thoughts will be there with all of you.
It sucks what his family did, but honestly, I’d let this go.
I don’t think I would say how everything went down- that would be like stirring the pot. I would ask Darling Husband how he wants to respond. If he wants to give the full story, then let him do it. I do know how you want to defend Darling Husband but some situations it’s best to let it be. And with some people who only have great experiences with some people, think you are the crazy one when you are the only that has had a problem.
I think I would go with: “I’m glad everyone has been such a help to you [meaning: because they sure as heck weren’t a help to us], it’s so great when family pulls together for one of their own. I know I was thankful for my family- I don’t know what I would have done without them during the planning process. While it’s great everyone will be able to attend this wedding, we’re still unable to attend but we will be thinking of cousin that day.” I think you’d be implying plenty while coming across sweet as pie. Plus you are promoting your family and how much THEY helped you out and how absent the IL’s were.
Very nice, I sounds great, I think I will def use some of it. It’s a good mix of being nice but also saying hey look.
It’s hard to let go of when your Darling Husband has NO family over this, if his family knew the extent of things and what really happened I don’t think they would ignore my Darling Husband like he isn’t part of the family. My Darling Husband WANTS a relationship with these people that he once had a relationship, but he also doesn’t and won’t call up his Aunts and Uncles and say this is what my mother did. His feelings have always been that if they ask or if there is a chance for him to bring it up he would.
I wouldn’t bring it up. She’s smart enough to know what went down. I would write and tell her how wonderful it is that everyone is going and how sorry it is that you and Darling Husband couldn’t afford to be there. Wish everyone well and say something nice (like – can’t wait to hear all about it, see pictures, etc.).
And, send a gift to the cousin.
Thanks all for the advice, I responded back very nicely but with enough hidden words for her “get” what I mean.
My Darling Husband on the other hand wanted to reach out to her on his own to offer up why we were not attending the wedding. He didn’t go into much detail but simply said, that he won’t put her ( Aunts family) through the same thing that his mother put everyone at our wedding through because he said without any doubt in his mind if we attend the wedding with his mother being there, she will ruin the day and make it about her and her crazy issues. His Aunt ( not to my surprise) knew that crap hit the fan with all of us, though she does only know what my Mother-In-Law told her which is all a bunch of lies, but regardless she said she understands, offered up some advice and MUCH to both Darling Husband and I’s surprise, she offered up that for many many years the family had outcast her as well. I hate to say it made us feel better but it I think it just confirmed more and more how crazy that family is and that we are better off without that drama.
The topic ‘Need some advice-family drama’ is closed to new replies.