(Closed) Need some advice: I'm not In love with my engagement ring

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
2738 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I do love the idea of a placeholder ring until a much more appreciated ring is purchased.  It is a ring you wear everyday for all your life so it must be quite pleasing to your taste. It’s too bad your husband is hurt by the fact that you don’t love your ring. A larger, nicer ring can only make him look good. I hope he agrees to upgrade when comes the time that your finances allow it. You can then wear the current e-ring on your right hand. Would look so pretty! And you can keep wearing the current wedding band, which holds so much meaning, with a new and improved e-ring.

Anyway, can we see some pretty pictures of this e-ring with its awesome wedding band? πŸ™‚

Post # 4
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Valeriemariaaa:  I’d just wait with the one you have and bring up an upgrade for your 5 or 10 year anniversary! πŸ™‚ 

Post # 5
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsWBS:  I think this is a great idea. 

 

I honestly don’t have any better advice. I wasn’t too crazy about my engagement ring either but was too afraid to say anything because it was an heirloom passed down from 4 generations back. I was, however, blessed with a very understanding Future Mother-In-Law who pointed out that due to my line of work (lots of body fluids) and the fact that it had to be enlarged, the current design wouldn’t work out. We were able to keep the diamonds in the heirloom ring and design a new setting with the jeweler.

Your husband is probably hurting because that ring represents a very special time in your lives and by you pointing out that you don’t like it,he might be seeing it as a personal rejection. most men won’t admit to it but they are just as prone to sentimentalism as women are. 

If you absolutely can’t stand Your ring, perhmaps the next time you bring it up you can try to be sensitive to that fact by bringing up the idea to work with a jeweler to keep elements of your current ring and design a new ring while keeping those original bits. 

I wish you the very best in whatever you decide.

 

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m about to get deep here so be patient… K?

I’m reading a book called Emotionally Engaged. It’s about the transitions we go through getting engaged & married. In it, there are all these real life examples of different emotions &  challenges. One that stuck out was this bride freaking out about place cards. Everyday, obsessed with place cards. She couldn’t figure it out. But her therapist helped. 

It wasn’t about the place cards. 

She explored what the place cards meant (telling people where to sit) & figured out what it meant to her. Maybe make a list of what an e ring means to you & you’ll figure out why this bothers you. Then you can share THAT with your Fiance. What you’ll be sharing is emotional, not surface. I wonder if your Fiance would better understand that & then you two can decide. 

Post # 7
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2002

My husband and I got married super young and I was never super in love with my ring. I thought it was not really my style. But I wore it anyways (I had a much needed “you are being ridiculous!” Talk with my mom about it lol) and it grew on me more and more every day, every year. On our 10 year anniversary we upgraded to a set of my choosing and I chose a center stone that was the same as my previous ring. Lol. You know the one I thought I didn’t like? πŸ˜‰ but it paid homage to the first ring, the early years, how far we’d come. sometimes things smack you in the face with liking them, sometimes they grow on you. Neither is wrong. From someone who has been there, my advice is to just wear the ring. It represents the promise of today and tomorrow and every day after. In the future you can get something different, or get a right hand ring that is more your style. 

Since you and your hubby got married quickly, and chose your ring quickly, and now you’re having second thoughts on the ring, hubby might wonder if you’re having second thoughts on him too ya know? I don’t think changing your ring right now would be worth hurting your husbands feelings. 

Post # 8
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I agree with the others re: upgrade at the 5/10 yr anniversary.  It is not the end of the world having something and making the best of it in the time being.  We all eventually upgrade our jobs, houses, cars, education – same thing for a ring.  But, the key here is to make the best out of what you have/were given now.  

The problem is that the advent of the internet makes our ‘wants/needs’ more visual and ‘comparable’ to what we perceive as ‘all around us’.  No, the pictures of these other rings look bigger mostly rom an optical illusion perspective.  Also, we may see all these other ‘blinged out’ (whatever is blinged out to your eye) jewelery pieces on people’s hands, but for the most part these 50 or so pics of fantastic gems we see on any given thread/board represents an extremely small population of women, world-wide, who own these.  More power to them that they can own these gorgeous gems, but the rest of us should remember that major $$$ goes into those things, like sport cars or 12000 sqft luxury homes.  Just because these things exist, doesn’t mean you should question what you have.  

 

Post # 9
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

I love my princess engagement ring, but I must admit seeing new styles released every year I go wow lol. My father has bought my mother loads of rings.I know this won’t be my last πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

i agree with @MrsWBS.  right now, because of financial restrictions, my fiance proposed to me with a family heirloom- my great great grandmother’s engagement ring.  while i absolutely love wearing something that has so much family history, i really would like to upgrade somewhere down the line to something that is 100% mine and is exactly what i want.

Post # 11
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

A *sort of* similar thing happened to me…except that Fiance at the time proposed with a ring that he never even saw in person before agreeing to buy it–he ordered something from a friend of his mom’s sister that lived thousands of miles away.  FI let his mother talk him into what he should spend for a ring, and she basically picked it out (mine and MIL’s tastes are not, and have never been, similar).  I was ecstatic when he proposed, but my sister could tell I didn’t love the ring (not to mention it was three sizes too big).  It had to be shipped back to get re-sized, and since it was such a dramatic size change, they had to re-do the entire thing anyways.  I jumped at my opportunity here–since they had to re-do it, I brought it up to Fiance.  I said I loved him so much and there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to marry him, and I was so happy that he went and got a ring and surprised me, but the ring just wasn’t what I had in mind to wear for the rest of my life.  He was pretty hurt at first, but I am a firm believer that you should be happy when you look at your ring, because it is supposed to resemble something very happy.  

I posted about this on here when I was going through it and A TON of people freaked out on me and told me that I should just buck up and love whatever was given to me, or that I should just shut up and ask about an upgrade a few years down the road–well, I am not the biggest believer in “upgrading” your ring later because that means you never really liked it in the first place.  I don’t know, it is such a controversial topic. Anyways….

I convinced the jeweler in another state to change the setting to a halo with the same center stone (because I really had my heart set on a halo to begin with) and he did that, but charged me more.  This was the biggest no-no out of the entire thing, but I had him put the extra on my credit card and told Fiance that he would do it for free.  It was $1,000 extra and I shouldn’t have lied, but I had the money, and I didn’t want to hurt FI’s feelings anymore than I already had (I really did feel like a terrible person through all of this, but as soon as I said I didn’t like the ring very much, there was kind of no turning back). Got the ring back, I loved it, Fiance loved it, thought all was good.  However, when we went to get it inspected to get it appraised, we found out there were CZ stones in the halo part, and that the stones were overall just terrible quality except the center stone, but the center stone was only .4 something carats, and, basically, we had gotten completely screwed by the jeweler in the other state because he charged us WAY too much money for a really shitty ring.  That’s when I had to fess that I paid more for the setting on top of what Fiance had already planned on paying, but by this time we figured out the jeweler was just a crook anyways and he was more angry with the jeweler than with me.  

Fast forward a little more: we went through a HUGE scuffle about getting our money back for the ring, and the jeweler tried to refuse at first.  We said we could very easily go and tarnish the crap out of his company on the website, so finally he agreed to refund our money if we didn’t go and write a bad review about him. SO SKETCHY!!! But, nonetheless, we got our money back and kind of had an opportunity to start all over.  

So what did we end up doing?  FI really didn’t want to finance a ring, as much as I convinced him that this was perfectly normal and what most people do…but after spending an immense amount of time on WB through this entire thing, I discovered Moissanite and FELL IN LOVE with it.  I could have the size of stone I wanted and end up spending less than what Fiance originally did for a really shitty ring.  So we went with that–moissanite center stone ordered from moissaniteco.com, and had a LOCAL jeweler set the stone in an amazing diamond halo setting.  I am so over-the-moon in love with my ring now, and Fiance (now DH) can tell.  He still catches me staring at my ring, and he has said that it was not fun going through what we did, but overall he is happy that I ended up with a ring that I loved because seeing how much I love it makes him happier than me just “putting up with” the ring he picked out for me.  

So overall, what I am saying is, maybe you should investigate another route besides the way overpriced diamond industry and you might find something that you like that is not terribly expensive.  And, if you need an argument for your Darling Husband, maybe just overemphasize that you love him dearly and you just want the symbol of your marriage to be something that makes you almost as happy to be wearing as he makes you.  And make him realize that this happens to people all the time (I know I wasn’t the first person to post about not liking their ring, neither are you, and you won’t be the last) and it is perfectly normal to get a different ring, no matter how long you have been together, etc., and it has nothing to do with your relationship.  People change their minds about things all the time, especially when rushed to make the first decision. I tried to compare it to if I bought Darling Husband a shirt and he did not like it at all, would he ever wear it, much less every single day? No, not at all.  A lot of people will say that’s not the same thing, but say at the same time, a ring does not define your relationship.  To that I say, great! Then what’s the harm in changing it to something I love and am really proud to wear every single day? 

Sorry, that was an uber-long post, but I hope it helps you some.  Good luck! 

Post # 12
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I was in the same boat when I got my ring.  Add to that the unflattering realization that I didn’t think it was big enough given what he makes, and I then googled the hell out of how to exchange rings.  Honestly, he wanted me to have a ring that I like, but he told me he looked at a lot of rings and this was the only one he likes.  (It’s actually the bridal set — even he doesn’t like the e-ring on its own).

So, I was disappointed, feeling a little shallow and felt terrible about potentially hurting his feelings (as well as not liking not being in control).  Luckily, I have a wise older friend who told me that my e-ring isn’t jewlery, it’s a symbol.  I can buy jewlery that I like on my own anytime, but this one’s a promise.  Since she said that, my attitude’s changed, and I kind of like that my ring isn’t all about the bling.

That being said, if it hadn’t grown on me after a few months, I would have said something to him.  Being a guy, he seems to get over things (that I would remember forever) pretty quickly.

Post # 13
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@cowgirlace:  !! I think I must have missed an update! Can we see pics of the new ring? πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it’s important that you take his feelings in to account. Guys are sentimental creatures, but if you hate it, maybe once you’re engaged just wear your wedding band. In 5 years you’ll have an anniversary ring that represents the first 5 years of your marriage, and it can be exactly what you want. Let’s face it – in 5 years you may love something else entirely!

P.S. @discokitty ~ We’re wedding date twins!

 

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