(Closed) Need some advice (long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@confusedbee45:  your husband picked this girl because he knew that she liked him.  he didn’t want to be rejected.

it’s up to you but i don’t think i could handle this.  it’s time to have a serious talk about your future together and where you see it going.

Post # 4
Member
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@confusedbee45:  *HUGS* It sucks to feel betrayed.  I think you both should try some couple’s counseling and seriously talk about how you feel about this, each other, and your relationship.  Best of luck to you both.

Post # 5
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@confusedbee45:  I know I would never be able to recover from this unless there were extreme amounts of counseling, on both parts, invovled and I don’t even know that I would stay after that.

I agree with PP though. You need to sit down and have a very long talk about whether this marriage is something both of you still want.

Post # 6
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@confusedbee45:  I’m sorry to hear about this. I went through this 3 years ago, I found out and he denied and denied. I involved his mother since she was the only one besides me that knew him well enough, and I was TOO embarrased to tell any of my friends. Infact, to this day I have never once told one of my friends why it really happened. This was a personal problem between him and I. He moved out to a friends house, we arranged everything to split up- I saw a lawyer about spliting our house and selling it. My parents brought him my list of wants etc. We didn’t talk for a month- I was heartbroken.

I went to a councelor on my own. It was such an amazing feeling to have an unbiased opinion from someone who had no idea who we were. He gave me words of wisdom and helped me come to the decision that I knew people make mistakes, some worse than others, but that I emotionally could let go of the hurt if he put the effort in. We began talking, taking it slow. I continued councelling and only gave him as much as I wanted.

Finally one day I saw the hurt in his eyes. I invited him to move back in after 4 months but he was to do it on my terms: new phone number, no facebook, no hanging out with those people and counceling.

Alot of good came from the hurt. I’m not sure how far the extent of the cheating went for him- whether it was a kiss, communication or full blown sex. But only YOU know how much you can handle. PLEASE remember YOU have no reason to be embarrased, only he does. You did nothing wrong and it is NOT your fault it happened.

Post # 7
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@confusedbee45:  Id say get out while youre young, dont have kids and can start over. Even if he loves you his love clearly wasnt enough to make him be faithful.

Post # 8
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@subtlebee:  I hate when people suggest you ‘get out’. She never said the circumstances around his infidelity or even to what extent it went. What if all he did was grope this girl while he was drunk- then you say end a marriage and find someone new?

Post # 9
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t know that it would help if I were in your situation, but maybe you two could try counseling. That might be a way to help you work past it.

Post # 10
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@KKG:  He knew this girl liked him and he chose to be with her that night.


he chose to be with her that night says he did more than heavy petting in my eyes. And in my view if he cheats then he has broken the most important covennt of marriage, trust. I trust my SO with my heart and life. The least he has to do is be faithful and loving. If he can’t do those things then yep, deuces.

She doesnt have children, she is 25, so yea i think she should cut her losses. I think it would be irresponsible of me to ask her to waste time on a man who doesn’t care enough to keep it in his pants. Id rather she morn now and be happy in a few years than spend a few years trying, have him still be who he is, and then have to morn later with children.

Post # 12
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Gross. He did this when you were in the middle of a fight and should’ve been focusing on what he could do to improve your marriage, which is I assume what you were trying to do by taking some space. He went for some seriously low-hanging fruit and he wasn’t even going to tell you. I would be SO MAD. I don’t know if I could forgive that.

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