(Closed) Need some advice on a SIL

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I would want to sit down with her and ask her what her motivations are and let her know what she has done has been very hurtful. There has to be a reason why. List out all of the things that have made you unhappy. Tell her you’re hurting. Ask her what you did to her or said to her that made this happen. People aren’t this nasty without reason, however petty. 

Post # 4
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Out of sight, out of mind. That’s my motto with my SIL. She’s not quite as unbearable, and it helps that the whole family knows she’s just a little nutty, but when I don’t have reason to think of her, things just go a lot smoother.

Also, I find that it helps to have somebody to complain about her to, when we do have occasion to interact….and that person can’t be my husband…because while he knows she’s obnoxious, she’s also his sister, and he feels love for her, as he should. 

When I am around her, I just sort of let her spew her nonsense and I don’t argue, because I’ve learned, it just doesn’t get me anywhere. She’s gonna do her, and I’m confident enough in my relationship with Darling Husband to know that what she says/thinks matters not.

Post # 5
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Unfortuntely there isn’t really any advice to give.  Your SIL in a liar and a minipulatpr and there is nothing that you can do or say to change her.

I can’t say that I know exactly what you are going through but I know my SIL (actually both of them) are not pleasant to deal with. 

First we will start with my brothers wife (I will keep it short because I can honestly go on forever). She is an attention seeker, unappriciative, rude, inconciderate and everything not nice.   She expects us to give her the world so whenever we did get her something we wouldn’t even get a thank you.

My husband sisters goes thru these moods where she can’t stand me or husband and she will be rude.  She always makes sures that everyone is always paying attention to her.  If the attention is not on her for any point in time she is either miserable or does whatever she can to put the attention back onto her.  On mine and Darling Husband wedding day she avoided me like the plague, didn’t get us a gift nor sign her name on the card from her parents, and she left the wedding extremely early because her knee hurt. 

I know that there is nothing that I can do to change them or even change the way that they treat me.  (trust me I have tried).  The best you can do is tolerate her when you have to and pay no mind to her when you don’t

Post # 6
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Wow she sounds horrible. And your Darling Husband knows that she says all this crap and puts up with it? He needs to call her out on her BS (not you) and tell her to either get with the program and that you are his wife and you will be respected and not gossiped about to anyone that will listen or she need not have any contact at all with you guys. She sounds like a huge bitch.

Post # 7
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m sorry this is happening, but the world is full of difficult people, they’ve got to be someone’s sisters and daughters, don’t they?  Too bad this one is your problem, really.

I really think your in laws are doing their best to stay neutral on all of this silliness, they can’t take sides because it will only make things worse, and as someone with in laws that will actually call, “Same sides and the Labor Day Feud!”  I can tell you, they’re wise people to just float along and ignore both you and your SIL, this kind of stuff gets worse with attention.

Onto you my dear, a fight only works if both people are in the ring, otherwise, you’ve got this lone guy in a pair of shiny shorts taking swings at nothing…get out of this fight and forget about her…you said she’s not around much, as awful as she sounds it should be a relief to declare to yourself that she’s not allowed in your space, head space, heart space, family space….her actions and what comes out of her mouth should be met with a slightly amused yet completely uninvested focus and consideration and then forgotten as quickly as a nightclub in New York….I’d be cordial but just a little distant, like she’s there to fix the furnace, you know you have to talk to her, and be nice, but it shouldn’t be too enthused…she’ll find someone else to freak over, and even if she doesn’t, if you don’t engage, she’s fighting someone who isn’t there.

Good Luck!

Post # 9
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would have my husband deal with his sister. His sister, his problem. As far as our interactions, it would be hi and bye.

I think you have a great attitude.

Post # 10
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

also stop adding things to your facebook trust me she is probarly checking on you everyday, Delete your account and use a different name and dont add her as your friend. Why add stress to your happy life, ignore her and enjoy your husband

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