(Closed) Need some advice…I know that I may be totally wrong

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969


my cousin and I got engaged hours apart from each other (both surprisingly) and she got married a full 2 years before us. I was a little emotional since we had been together much longer than they had but I was still really happy for her. I was afraid that I would have to top her wedding since we are also the first 2 to get married, but to be honest, my focus now belongs not on competition but on my own special day. We choose the things we want not in an attempt to beat anyone’s wedding, but because we like them. If any of your guests are there to compare your two celebrations then that’s their problem! You’re job is to be happy, get married, and make it everything you want it to be, regardless of whether some think your wedding is better or worse than hers.

So from a fellow bee, yes I’ve been there, but I didn’t stay there long once I remembered what this is really all about. 🙂


Post # 4
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Maybe you can channel the competitive impulse into a creativity impulse… so that instead of making your wedding "better", you can make it unique and different. 

I find that ruminating on negative feelings tends to make them more present, so I try to focus on the positive and discard feelings like jealousy or competition.  (Not always the easiest thing in the world).

We’ll be here when you need us!

Post # 5
2640 posts
Sugar bee

So common.  I’m sure  I would have felt the same way.   So first, no need to beat yourself up over it.

Now tell us about the bride.  Is she sweet?  And you love her?  Or kind of mean, selfish, thinks she had the best wedding in family history?  If it’s the second, I think the best way to deal with the situation is to let the hive help you put her wedding to shame!

Post # 6
112 posts
Blushing bee

Ours won’t be the first wedding in any of the families, but it will be different than any of the ones I’ve been to. I say, find something unique that you and your fi both enjoy and find a way to use that something in the food, favors, drink, entertainment. So in other words, don’t worry about "topping" her wedding, but make it stand apart.

Post # 7
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010 - Mr. P's Grandparents’ Ranch

I agree completely with doctorgirl, you should just focus on making your wedding YOURS

Post # 8
1102 posts
Bumble bee

I agree, focus on making your wedding reflect you and your partner, and then there is no need to top your cousin 🙂 Earlier this year I was bridesmaid in two weddings (one my sister’s), 4 weeks apart. I enjoyed the first (my sister’s) 100 times more than the second, not because of how much money was spent or anything like that, but because it was so personal and "them". The second wedding could have been anyone’s, and I didn’t feel as though it really reflected the couple at all. As long as your wedding feels like yours, people will love it! No one else will see it as a competition, so you don’t need to either. A lot of guests who were at my sister’s will be at mine too, and they will be very different weddings, and I know my sister’s style will suit a lot of people more than mine, but as long as people say "oh that wedding was SO them, you could tell they’d really thought about it," etc, I will consider it a success 🙂

Post # 9
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

If you’re worried about "topping" your cousin’s wedding, maybe you should try to have it be fairly different from hers (i.e. completely different setting, tone etc)…But honestly, no one you really care about will be comparing things anyways, they’ll just be so happy for you on your special day!

Post # 11
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

I’m had that feeling too! My brother was married 2 years before me, and his wedding was pretty awesome. Of course, we had a lot of the same guests at ours, and we got married at the same church, so I did feel like mine had to be "better." I decided that instead of better, I was going to go with different. I did different colors with a different reception place. Everyone said what a great time they had, and how they appreciated that it wasn’t a repeat of my brother’s wedding. Unique is good!

Post # 12
5876 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Girl, let got of these feelings!  It’s our society’s message and it’s going to make you crazy.  Don’t let it get you down!

When all else fails, embrace the mantra, "Not better or worse, just different."  Even if you are planning to do a lot of things the same way, it will be different because you are two differnt people.

Oh, and a second mantra relevant to all wedding planners, "You can NEVER please everyone….so just be yourself!"

Post # 13
468 posts
Helper bee

I totally understand what you’re saying. My sister is getting married in Jamaca about 5 months before my wedding. While I’m not worried about ‘beating her’ I understand what you’re saying.

One thing that helped between my sister and I is that we had an honest sit down, and discussed our weddings. It really helped because it showed that yes even thou we are both getting married with in months of each other, our weddings will be different because we are both different.

I echo what all the prior posters said, focus on making it you.

GL and I’m sure everything will work out  

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