(Closed) Need some advice/opinion.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If nothing is going on, as he claims. then I’m sure  he wouldn’t mind if you read all the texts on his phone.   His reaction to that will speak volumes.  

Post # 19
Member
6430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@figgnewton:  I’m not sure of ages exactly, but I know one of the women was about 40 and he was about 23.

Post # 20
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

“if I Can’t keep my own husband entertained that’s pretty sad on my part.”


no no no no no NO. not your fault – do NOT play into the whole ‘i must not be enough’ crap. 

even if your husband is not cheating – which is a massive if – he is sending a thousand texts per week to someone who isn’t you. he’s spending hours and hours of time communicating and connecting with a person who isn’t you – and it’s completely unnecessary, especially at 3 am. 

going to bed together is intimate – my SO and i have some of the best talks while we’re cuddling and drifting off – by contrast, your husband is texting another woman at 3 am. not okay, and if she’s ‘just a friend’ why isn’t he coming to bed with you? (and i don’t mean sex – i literally mean getting ready for bed and sleeping)

he’s foregoing having a regular routine with his wife that would help you two be close to text another woman at 3 am. that’s not a friend he’s texting.

Post # 21
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I do NOT think this is harmless.  I can’t say with certaintly but I’m pretty sure there is an emotional affair going on.  What you described is just SO inappropriate.  

Post # 22
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@figgnewton:  He deletes everything? There’s your answer. AND he’s been unfaithful in the past? Count on this being an affair.

Post # 23
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My opinon, if your guts say something is going on, trust it (unless you’ve always had jelousy issues).  Personally, I don’t think this sounds harmless I would also think something going on at the very least an emotional affair.  Staying up that late with a woman is just not normal.  

 

Post # 24
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

One of my best friends’s mom was doing this to my sister’s boyfriend. He is 25 and the mom is almost 50. She is recently divorced and had some very young boyfriends (younger than my best friend)

My sister said that the lady would send him texts before the sun rises and at all sorts of hour. When she confronted her bf about it, he thought that it was harmless. He honestly thought that they were just friends. My sis took a stand and stopped speaking and going by him until he stopped answering the lady back. He might think it is nothing but the other lady might have another agenda.

Him deleting the messages are not cool.  Trust your instincts!

Post # 25
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@figgnewton:  Please don’t say that. There are plenty of older women who like younger men. The sexual peaks match up better and perhaps they get some kind of kick out of it. You’re pregnant and it is not your job to entertain anyone. He should stay because he wants to and respect you because you deserve it. You can’t “keep” a man the same way you can’t “steal” one. They have free will and will cheat if they have it in them – even if you’re Megan Fox. 

You’re my friend – I don’t want to see that happen to you or your kids. If he is cheating, then he is not a good husband and a poor role model for your daughters. A father is the first male relationship a woman has. He shows us how we should be treated – that should not be the message your babies get sent. Now, I don’t know if he’s cheating. Only you know that. But if he is, get his ass in counseling, work it out on your own, or leave him. Don’t let it go.

The rest of your life is too long to be unhappy and full of doubts and resentment.

Post # 26
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@tiff-tiff-tiff:  An empty phone is always a huge red flag. Even if there is no physical cheating, this still sounds borderline emotional affair if it hasn’t already went into that territory. Ugh. People are so stupid sometimes and can’t see that everything they need is right in front of their faces…until it’s gone.

Post # 27
Member
6580 posts
Bee Keeper

Even if it IS harmless and he isn’t doing anything, the way you’re feeling is justified.  I would talk to him again, tell him this behaviour upsets you. If he is innocent he will care and stop the behaviour.

Post # 28
Member
3273 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Just because she knows you are his pregnant wife doesn’t mean she cares enough to leave your husband alone. And he surely knows, but doesn’t care enough not to cut off a questionable relationship.

Post # 29
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

Both me and my boyfriend have close friends of the opposite sex. However, it is inappropriate for them to be texting us late at night unless it is an emergency situation. Not only that but that much texting and sending pics, is extreme. There is a certain level of respect this woman should have for your relationship. I agree with the pp that you should talk to your husband. 

Post # 30
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@figgnewton:   I’m afraid you have your answer there – he doesn’t want you to see what they are saying.  In any case, that is time and emotional effort which is taken away from you.  That sounds like emotional infidelity to me, sorry to say.  Wishing you strength.  

Post # 31
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@208bride:  I’m sorry, I definitely do not think this is totally harmless. Also, read your little blurb where you said he deletes all his texts – that is not normal. He is making sure you don’t see what’s in them. Does he delete them right away? Like right after he receieves them? Because if he lets a few of them build up over a few minutes at least, you should ask to see what he’s saying in the middle of one of his texting sessions sometimes. If he deletes everything right after it comes in, that’s a pretty sure bet there is stuff in there he is making sure you don’t see.

I cannot think of any good reason to send thousands of messages and stay up super late and spend all my spare time texting someone of the opposite sex who isn’t my spouse. That’s just weird. Maybe and hopefully nothing physical is going on, but there is some level of emotional cheating, and I am more than a little sure this 45 year old woman would looove to get with a 20 something year old man.

 

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