Post # 1
Considering I’ve only been engaged for 3 days, I can’t believe I have a wedding planning dilemma already… but I do.
It’s the date… obviously we need to set a date so we can plan accordingly. I’ve always wanted a summer, outdoor wedding and my Fiance wants that for me.
Here’s the dilemma: My cousin is getting married August 2012. While most of my extended family won’t have to travel far (1-2 hours) for either of our weddings, a few will. Also, I don’t want to step on her toes or steal her time, you know? So unfortunately, my dream month (Aug 2012) is out. I could get married in June 2012 or so, but I honestly don’t think I can handle planning a wedding (from 6 hours away) in 6 months. My best remaining choices are these:
1) September 2012 – hope that I’m lucky enough to find a venue/vendors with dates still open and that my cousin is understanding about a wedding so close after hers? (Note that my sister and best girlfriend are both teachers.)
2) June-August 2013 – wait 18-20 months to get married? We’ve been together for 9 years already, so on one hand, what’s another 1-2? On the other hand, after 9 years, do we really have to wait almost 2 more to get married?
Can I have some advice from the bees? I’m leaning towards choice 2 (although I put more options in the poll) – is it difficult to wait that long? What are the pros and and cons of each option?
Post # 3
I am currently waiting, but when I imagine planning a wedding, I would want a year at least. My parents got married with 6 months or less of planning, but it was local to them and my father’s family was a member of a country club, so everything was basically taken care of. I would think Sept 2012 is a decent amount of time, plus, it’s not like a week or two after your cousin, and I would think as long as you sent out a STD or something, despite being teachers, if they really wanted to be there, they would have time to plan to take time off/find substitutes. Maybe discuss your concerns with your cousin?
Post # 4
What does the wedding mean to you? Are you waiting to live with your SO? Are you waiting to start your lives together and build a home or have children or something like that?
If you can’t live your life until you marry your Fiance, I’d get married next summer. I’m in a similar boat where my SO and I don’t want to live together before we’re married, but we’ll only have like 6 months to plan a wedding (I’m in graduate school so it has to be during the summer).
If you can go ahead and live together and act as if you’re married, then waiting til 2013 can’t hurt.
Post # 5
i dont know if this helps you…. I wanted a late sept early oct wedding at first. Then we wanted a spring wedding april/may … we got married in nov and since Fiance and I arent getting any younger we decided to do it next year in fall. Problem #1… our family friend will be getting married Sept 29th. After much deliberation and thoughts and opinions, we decided on oct 20th 2012. three weeks after her wedding. that way we don’t steal her thunder, and also my Maid/Matron of Honor who is also her Maid/Matron of Honor (my sister) has time to do things, and we can get things sorted before ours begins.
Good things about having a close wedding is that less guests means less money… you will probably still get sent money cards (maybe)… and you get your dream month. if she’s ausut, i would just do late sept. 🙂 thats my vote. your loving family will attend no matter what. and as long as you understand that those who are far cannot attend, then all is well. 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago
I think if you can get at least 3 weeks or more between your cousin’s wedding and yours, it would be best. From personal experience, I have a cousin-in-law who just got engaged and is trying to get married in 6 months, just 2 weeks after our wedding, which we’ve been planning for more than a year. That kind of irked me- I really hope she moves it 3-4 weeks after ours…from my perpective they have all the time in world to get married, so why a)rush and b)do it so close to ours? So that may be what your cousin is thinking. Above all else, if you do care about stepping on her toes, have an honest conversation with her. Nothing is worse than speculation and bottled up feelings. Our engagement will be 20 months total, and while at times it’s felt really long- I have not stressed at all 🙂
Post # 7
I chose September 2012 (I might be a little biased ). I know nothing about the weather in northwest Pennsylvania in September but it’s one of LA’s warmest months. That gives you 9 months to plan and you don’t have to wait until next year. Seems perfect!
Post # 8
A lot depends on how much DIY you plan to do (a lot of DIY, means you need more time) and how detail focused you are (I could be fine planning a wedding in 6 months, because I really don’t care if the tablecloths are the exact shade of blue, and I don’t have any strong opinions on anything other than I wanted an outdoor ceremony). If you’re worried about having it in 2012 because you’re scared no venues/vendors are available START CALLING NOW! You can decide whether or not the other issues are an impediment after you know whether or not you can get a date. My guess is that you should be fine, but start looking immediately because from here on out it only gets more booked–particularly for September.
September will definitely still be warm enough for an outdoor wedding, and since this would fall AFTER your cousin’s wedding, she’s less likely to see it as you swooping in on her day (personally, I think she shouldn’t care either way, but I know it is a sensitive topic for some people, and going after her will help diffuse the situation). If you are willing to have a Friday or Sunday wedding this will open up a LOT more options because those days are less likely to already be booked.
It sounds like you don’t want to wait til 2013–and I get that! So I’d first try investigating the 2012 options before just deciding to wait. Try finding venues that have an in-house caterer/cake baker because that will significantly reduce the hassle in long-distance planning, and go home for a week soon to try to interview as many vendors as possible (I did this for my NJ wedding while I live in Chicago–in one week I got a venue-caterer-baker/dress/band).
Post # 9
I did not read all of the PPs but I voted for 9/2012. While you could plan a wedding in 6 months it would be stressful and i think that your cousin may be frusterated that you got enaged after her and married before her, but that really depends on your relationship. By waithing until 9/2012 you can enjoy the planning more and have more venue options. Also, if you plan for a sunday or saturday DAY wedding you will have more options for venues plus save a ton! We are having a friday night wedding and we save about $3000 on our venue!!!
Post # 10
No! Join the short engagement brides, we’re awesome. I’m planning my 150 person wedding in 100 days from engagement to aisle. You can do it too 🙂
Post # 11
I planned a wedding in 6 months and DIY’d ALOT! You just have to be organized
My personal opinion is that as long as it’s not the same weekend, your cousin has no reason to be upset about you picking a date near hers. However, I get that some people might find that offensive. (I don’t understand it, but I get it)
Do not wait longer than you would like! No matter what, in the end the important thing is being married not your actual wedding date. Do what works best for the two of you!
Post # 12
It depends on what else is going on in your life. Would putting off the wedding get in the way of you having kids, moving in together, or any other significant life events you are ready for? If not I say enjoy your time being engaged. September 2012 is totally doable without too much stress, otherwise maybe the late Spring 2013. Personally, I was so ready to be married (I want to move back to the US at some point) I didn’t really think about the whole planning a wedding process much and chose a short 7 month engagment. I actually like being engaged more than I thought, so part of me wishes I could push the date back to September 2012 and take more time to enjoy the moment.
Anyways, either way you’ll be married by the end of it 🙂
Post # 13
A few more details to answer the questions a few posters have asked:
My Fiance and I are both 26 and we’ve lived together for a little over 2 years. We’re not waiting till marriage for living together (clearly), but we have decided we will wait until marraige to TTC.
My cousin has been engaged since Fall 2010 – long engagement due to grad school, I think – and we are less than a year apart in age.
Thanks for all the opinions so far… eager to hear more!
Post # 14
i voted 9/12… gives you more time to plan, and as long as you’re a month out from your cousin’s wedding I don’t think that creates a problem.
Post # 15
I don’t think having a wedding w/in a month of your cousins should matter. I had 3 cousins get married this summer, one in May, one in August, one in September. Since the shared family was all w/in a few hours’ drive, no one really minded too much.
Post # 16
Update: I e-mailed my cousin and she is very touched that we took her wedding into consideration, but she has no objection if our wedding is in September – it would be great to have a planning buddy!
So I’ve reached out to my top choice venue to see if they have any dates in September… I’d prefer a Saturday, but I’m willing to consider a Friday (evening) wedding.
Thanks – you’ve all made great points! I’ll let you know what I end up doing.