- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
Hi Bees. A little over a month ago, I called off my engagement with my Fiance regarding issues with the Future Mother-In-Law (there’s a thread about it). I’m in the process of moving in with him and, at the moment, I’ve just stopped moving things in. Every day I get more and more concerned that we will not be able to make this work. Not only do I have the mom issue, but I’ve tried to talk about our relationship with him but he’s either too tired from work or he takes what I’m saying as an attack and says that what he can offer will never be good enough for me. I’d like to sit down and just really talk out our feelings and what my concerns are (I’m concerned that he will not be able to provide for me -not financially, but through stability like a clean home and a partnership) and I can’t get him to open up. He even gets angry when I bring up finances and tells me he knows what he’s doing and to stay out of it. It’s easier to list my concerns so here they are.
1. This is probably the biggest one. I have a certain standard of living that I expect to feel comfortable. He lives in a condo that was built during WWII and hasn’t ever been upgraded. I told him I’d live without a dishwasher, washer/dryer, and a cramped place, but not forever and he had to put effort in to make it liveable for me and eventually put it up for sale. I understand that he’s been a bachelor and living on his own for 20 years, but, while he thinks he’s made the effort, I don’t see it. I’m not working right now and I’ve offered to fix it up, but I can’t do it on my own nor do I think I should have to pay to make his place in what I feel is liveable condition (or sellable). He claims he’s done everything he can because he’s now picking up after himself, and that I’m just being a snot about it, but this is what the closet, the kitchen, and the living room looked like when I moved in. I’ve tried to fix a lot of it, but there is only so much I can do.
I can’t live like this! What do I have to do, or how long should I wait, before he understands that adults in a partnership just don’t live like this?
It’s obviously not this dirty anymore because I clean and I’m forcing him to clean, but it’s still not up to par in my mind. The bike is still sitting in the kitchen, I have no room for my clothes even though I’ve thrown out all the wire hangers, but he says I’m asking too much.
Am I asking too much from him? Is this just not a value of his? Should I drop it and just move on? I have so much more to write but I needed a starting point. Please someone give me some advice because I’m about to end it all.