(Closed) Need some help… Follow up on not supposed to live together

posted 9 years ago in Christian
Post # 47
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Follow what you two feel is best for you. Following the bible is not always clear cut – someone could read it as one thing and someone could read it as another. I sort of think its God’s way of telling us what WE need to hear. 

For example this weekend my pastor brought up sex outside of marriage. I was sitting there feeling like a giant pile of S***  like i’m just a horrible person for being okay to live in sin like this. I’m thinking WTF am i supposed to do – our wedding date is set – we are getting married next year. Am i just supposed to run out and elope just so i stop sinning! I thought Jesus forgave me – whats going on here! If this is really what God wants of me then i’m not so sure I want to follow him. This is just a damn list of rules. (Keep in mind I love my church – i’ve NEVER seen it to be judgemental and its not like they were judging it was just that it made me feel that way) My fiance is a new christian so it doesn’t bother him so much. We regret the decision we made with our Exes but thats done. I guess i always saw it as a one time sin. You slept together before marriage – thats forgiven and its in the past. But I’m engaged now and I am as the bible puts it “pledged to be married” to him. So after reading through some other post I was somehow lead to read through 1st Corinthians 6-8. I didnt really understand until i read it in the “The Message” translation. Which is simply a more modern translation of the bible so its easier to understand. And this is what stuck out to me…

1 corinthians 6: 16-20 “As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.””

Ok well commitment can come before marriage too – we are totally committed to each other – whether or not its legally bound right now.

“Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.

So what I felt was God telling me that he cares more about the way we live our lives and move toward Him. And seeking a relationship with him. He defines who we are – not whether or not we have the marital status right now.

So i would say its best for you to do whatever both you and your fiance feel is right for you two and your relationship. Anymore is causing undue hardship and is NOT what God wants of you. IF both of you felt you were called to separate before marriage then thats fine for you. However since the only reason you are doing it is because some HUMAN is telling you is wrong.  – I think its best to continue to live together and stop worrying whether or not you’re “living in sin” as so many have said. Theres bigger and more important things in life to think about. No matter what we do as christians we’re forgiven.

Post # 48
Member
9940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Kate0558:   This is great! 

I think God gave us intelligence and minds to use them to think for ourselves.  Hypocrisy seems to be the order of the day in some churches.  One pastor says one thing, another says another and it leads to nothing but confusion.  Confusion is not from God.

I cannot imagine Jesus treating his children the way this couple is being treated, under any circumstances.  He would bless them!  They’re already forgiven. 

Post # 49
Member
9940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

The Law of Liberty:

Romans 14:1-23

New King James Version (NKJV)

14 Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things. 2 For one believes he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats only vegetables. 3 Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has received him.Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand.

5 One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord;[a] and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks. 7 For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. 8 For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. 9 For to this end Christ died and rose[b] and lived again, that He might be Lord of both the dead and the living. 10 But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.[c] 11 For it is written:

As I live, says the Lord,Every knee shall bow to Me,And every tongue shall confess to God.”[d]

12 So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. 13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.

The Law of Love

14 I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. 15 Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died. 16 Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; 17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 For he who serves Christ in these things[e] is acceptable to God and approved by men.

19 Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. 20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense. 21 It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.[f] 22 Do you have faith?[g] Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 23 But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin.[h]

Post # 50
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@Sunfire:  Thats great! Thanks for posting!

Post # 51
Member
9940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Kate0558:   I think sometimes people kinda miss the message of tolerance that Jesus taught so strongly.  He wasn’t all about rules and regulations, he said the most important commandment is to love God and love others as much as yourself.  All the people who spout off all the Old Testament “rules” are not the ones being affected by this harsh decision, only the OP is.  My heart goes out to this couple.  If I have compassion for strangers I can’t imagine God Himself doesn’t.  God is love.  God is truth.  Our sins are forgiven.

There is no condemnation in Christ.

Period. 

Post # 52
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@MissRaphaela:  A lot of things can happen in a marriage, but we wouldn’t advocate “testing” a couple’s ability to handle all of them…injury, death of a close family member including a child, loss of a job, etc.

Post # 53
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

don’t move away from each other that’s a horrible idea , b/c you guys are fighting now shows that this isn’t the way you guys work and maybe not the way god wants you two to grow togather try to find someone new to marry you and always pray togather it always helps to have you grow togather as not only a couple but god’s children

Post # 54
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@MissRaphaela:  Abstaining from sex does not mean you will have a better relationship after marriage. You abstain from sex because you believe that is what God wants you to do. It is not a guarantee of a perfect marriage or a perfect life, and it’s very unfair to say that couples who have sex before marriage aren’t capable of dealing with hardship or can’t stay faithful! Very judgemental.

Post # 55
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Do what you feel is right for you.  Period, end of story.  I am a Christian but disagree with some of the things that have been stated here about you needing to submit to the authority of your pastor.  There are so many different viewpoints that pastors bring to the table, even within the same denomination, that it would be impossible to follow all of them without a good deal of dissonance.  A pastor is a guide, not the absolute authority.  If you feel that what he’s telling you to do is out of line with your own principles, go find a new pastor you trust and can fully follow.

Totally agree with PP who said that this is why some people hate religion… sorry, but things are not always so black and white.

Post # 56
Member
11534 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Amnystic: @MissRaphaela: 

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@SAlady:  All three of you have spoken wisely and with great Godly counsel on this matter. I just wanted to say thank you for proclaiming God’s Word so boldly and fully on this matter.

As believers in and followers of Jesus Christ, we do not get to decide on our own what is best for us.  When we make a commitment to Him, inherent in that commitment is the death of anything that WE desire that contradicts His Word. We must DIE to OURSELVES and LIVE for HIM, not for ourselves. His Word clearly tells us that we are to deny our own selfish desires, put to death the lusts of our flesh, and follow Him and obey His commands.

Yes, God is PERFECT LOVE.  However, PERFECT LOVE is not about warm, fuzzy, happy emotions.  God is love, but HE is also HOLY.  And He commands us to be holy, as He is holy. 

We cannot ever be holy our own. However, as Christ’s followers, we must choose to obey His commands. Jesus says that if we love Him, we will obey His commands.  As my DH, who is a pastor, preached not that long ago, “Jesus is either Lord of ALL, or He is not Lord AT ALL.”

God’s Word makes clear that it is only through our faith in the shed blood of Jesus Christ that we can be made acceptable to God. For those of you pointing out that it is about grace, yes, it is. He DOES forgive us.  However, God’s Word makes clear that true repentance is not about asking for forgiveness about something and then continuing boldly and without remorse in that sin so that grace may abound.  Yes, He forgives us when we fall, but we must not continually choose to put ourselves in the position of easily falling, and we must never justify our sin on the basis of it making us happy. God is far more interested in making us holy than He is in making us happy.  However, when we follow after Him with our whole heart, and, if we surrender our desires for His, and obey His commands, he will indeed pour out wonderful blessings upon our lives according to His good plans for us.

Post # 57
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@Brielle:  The Bible does not say living with someone is a sin. It says sex before marriage is a sin.

Regardless, there is still an issue with this pastor. A couple at my mother’s church lived together when they became believers, and you know what happened? The pastor married them IMMEDIATELY so that they’d be right with God. I don’t see any logic to forcing a couple to live apart for 4 months. It is not Biblical and not required, there are better solutions.

Post # 58
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My Fiance & I live together. We are waiting until our wedding night to have sex. We are both 40 (I just turned 40 on Sunday). My priest (Anglo-Catholic) is fine with it. He knows we are abstaining. We also sleep in different bedrooms. I was married before to an alcoholic abusive husband (no children thankfully). I guess it just depends on the person. Good Luck.

Post # 59
Member
11534 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

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@shady_lane:  My DH also suggested that idea to a couple in our church who had moved in together prior to marriage. The couple agreed, and my DH married them immediately.  The couple then had a beautiful vow-renewal ceremony in front of their family and friends on their originally planned wedding date.

Post # 60
Member
9940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Brielle:   I am so thankful to the One True God, Creator of All and For All , that I am forgiven for my sins because I have accepted Christ.  And I’m thankful He also gave me the free will to do as I so choose, along with an intelligent mind with which to think. 

And I thank Him for the power to walk away when any pastor or church leader commands me to do something against my inner integrity.  I am led by Spirit and sometimes pastors are dead wrong.  Jim Jones and the Guyana tragedy come to mind.  More people could have been saved if they’d chosen to think for themselves rather than allowing someone else to think for them.

Nobody walking on the face of the earth is in any way capable of keeping all the commands of the Law.  Who said that?   Hmmm, let me think.  Oh yeah.  Jesus. 

Brielle, you seriously, really believe that their pastor should be able to tell them to live apart for four entire months with the threat of not marrying them, and causing them a lot of hardship and pain by doing so?  I just really can’t see the compassion of Christ in any of this.  They have been living together for a while!  It will cause them hardship!  It’s hurting them and their relationship!  It’s not some trivial thing he is asking.  I just don’t see how it is right in any way. 

And where the heck in the Bible did the “four months” time frame come from?!?  That’s nuts to me, sorry. 

Would you want to be forced to live apart from your husband for four months just because some pastor “said so?”

Post # 61
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@Brielle:  Yeah that makes more sense to me. Your DH should go help this couple out! Laughing

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