Post # 1
I am writing under a different name tonight. I have some questions that I wonder if you could help me with. My husband and I were married about a year ago. At the time of us dating and getting married he was not overly religious..nor was I. Growing up he had a strong religious background just kind of grew away from it as he got older. I have never been really religious nor has my family. Recently my husband has turned around and became closer to God And started reading the Bible. Which I am in full support of…. Until he brings up the part of submission. He has read what it says about it and I looked it up watch videos about it.. I’ve tried to understand. But I simply just cannot wrap my head around it. I’m a very carrying and loving person but I’m very stubborn at times and so is he.
I was always taught that a marriage is a team effort. But I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that if we both strongly disagree on something that he should have the final say. Obviously with smaller disagreements I have no problem usually giving into him And vice versa.
So my question is this? For those of you for avid followers… How is it that you submit? What does submission mean to you? Do you have any examples that you would like to share?
p.s I’m not really looking to hear from ladies why you don’t like submission I could list 1 million reasons myself. I want to hear from the people that actually practice this.
Post # 3
Uh. My Fiance is extremely religious and reads parts of the bible everyday and he most definitely does not want or expect me to be submissive to him.
Post # 4
I know thats not what you asked, but just thought I’d throw it out there.
Post # 5
You probably want to move this to the “Christian” section.
Anyway, for Darling Husband and me, I don’t think there’s a lot of “submission” in practice. The Bible (in the same passage I believe) tells husbands to love their wife as Christ loved the church. That’s what my old pastor always said when he preached on it. So it was never a domineering thing.
Almost every major decision has been a “team” decision so there’s been no real need to submit. On a few of the financial decisions I’ve left it up to him, but that’s been more trusting his judgment than “submitting”.
Post # 6
Perhaps an idea could be to reach out to a local pastor/priest/equivilant for your form of worship. Or maybe a womens group. I know a very religious couple (my BFF actually), and they approach marriage as equals.
Post # 7
I think “submission” is seen as a really dirty word in today’s culture. The idea of biblical submission is that the husband is the Christ figure in the home, and the woman is the Church. The church submits to Christ, but Christ has the best intentions in mind for the church. It is a two way street! The husband needs to realize that he can’t use his wife’s submission as a power play. He needs to show that he has what is best in mind for the marriage in his decisions.
I don’t have enough time to get into more detail now, but I would HIGHLY suggest you both read the book Love and Respect together. It talks a lot about this topic, and what both men and women need for relationships to survive.
Post # 8
I can’t really say from persoanal expereince, although I do believe that it can only be successful if he does not abuse it. Even in your submission he has the responsiblity to do what is best for both of you. If you wish to follow and be submissive then he must be playing the role of Christ to the Church which requires great stregth, understanding, patience, and responsiblity. It can quickly be viewed as the “woman is seen and not heard”/men are superior mentality and easily become an abusive relationship which is why my Fiance and I tend to shy away from that relationship. Although I believe if done properly (don’t personally know of any) can be a very rewarding, trusting, and holy relationship.
Post # 9
The bible does say that the husband is the head of the household and I try as hard as possible to follow that. The “submissive” part also relies on the mutual respect of your husband to you as well. God didn’t create Eve for her to be submissive to Adam. He created her as a companion for him. If there is a disagreement over a decision it doesn’t default to your husbands opinion because you ought to be submissive. But if you’re truly a team and have mutual respect for each other you should respect the authority that God has placed in your husband as you head of household.
Post # 10
Do you know the book “Love & Respect” from Emerson Eggerichs ? Its the best book about marriage and also submission ever !! They have also a Ministry with the same name. You can check their Website www.loveandrespect.com. No worry – you are a team. It’s not about giving yourself up to your husband. It’s more about respect and trust in him and in god. It is a really interristing theme and not so bad like it seems !! It’s the opposite ! ;-)))
Post # 11
The way I grew up learning about this was that it is not the husband’s job to tell/make the wife submit, nor is submitting between you and H. Submitting is between you and God. It’s trusting your H to lead the family in the way that he hears from God, and it’s your job to take a supportive role and encourage H in his walk with God and trust that he’s actually hearing correctly and doing what he feels in his spirit is best for you and the family. I don’t think this is the same as if you two get in an disagreement over whether to order pizza or Chinese, and you have to submit to him and let him make the final call on everything if you ever disagree. For the most part, you should operate as a team. And when there comes a time when H has to be in the role of ‘head of the household’ and has to rely on what he is hearing from God to make a decision for your lives, remember that it’s what God would want you to do to trust the man He put in your life, and that you’re doing it for God, not for H. And it’s a two-way street, where you respect him and he respects your vital role as the helpmate and his support system, and basically the glue of the family.
Post # 12
A lot of the Biblical verses on submission were written by Paul, who was writing in a time when Christianity was trying to throw off it’s reputation as being a religion for the poor, freaks, and the despised, and become more mainstream. Many of the early church followers were women, but Paul wanted to remove Chrsitianity’s reputation as being “female-centric”. He also had a personal dislike and disgust of women which, IMO, verges on the pathological. He never married either, so I fail to see how he was some sort of role model for healthy relationships, or how he could speak with so much authority on them.
So that’s my first point. Look at the source. The Bible is not a single book writtenby a single person… it is many books… books of myth, history, law, politics etc. You ALWAYS need to look at where your verses are coming from. The Bible is “God inspired”. It is not the literal word of God… God is beyond our understanding, and we can but guess His intent.
The second point is that the Bible is full of women who are submissive only to God… look at Esther! She was not submissive to her husband. What about Judith? In the New Testament/Corinthians, there is also the example of the believing wife and the unbelieving husband. Clearly, she had a mind of her own.
I would now think very seriously about your husband’s motivations. Do you think he genuinely believes that the Bible asks you to be submissive to him, or do you think he wants your submission, and is using the Bible as an excuse? If so, you have to decide whether or not you are OK with that. I must say, in the interest of honesty, that I probably wouldn’t be.
Post # 13
@Oilbesofine: My fiance and I are also devout Christians and we read the Bible together often. I believe in submission and in many ways I already submit to him though we’re not yet married. I wanted to throw out a few points in case they’re helpful to you:
- Biblical submission, the reverence and respect that the Bible tells a Christian woman to have for her husband has nothing to do with obedience or dominance/domineering. It’s not the ugly idea that many women seem to associate with it. Husbands are similarly required to treat their wives with the utmost respect and love, caring for their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. It’s a mutual requirement to which we hold each other accountable. It’s not like I have to do whatever he says and he has no responsibilities toward me. In fact, even in the Old Testament (Genesis 21:2) God commanded Abraham to “ln all that [your wife] says to you, listen to her voice.”
- It is an absolute pleasure to be submissive to a man who takes to heart the commandment at 1 Peter 3:7 to dwell with me according to knowledge and to assign me honor, recognizing that I am more delicate. We love each other and trust each other and consult with each other. And to that end, we EACH have roles in the family that we happily occupy.
- This really should not be terribly difficult for practicing Christians to understand because we all submit to Jesus Christ and while he is authorized to be the “head”of our lives, he is not domineering, is caring, loving and deals with us with mercy according to our weaknesses, realizing that we are not perfect. It is not a burden to submit to him. In fact, submitting to him actually makes our lives easier (Matthew 11:28-30)
- I made sure to only commit myself to a man whose judgment, decision-making ability/history and spirituality I trusted to the extent that I would willing to allow him to be my “head”. There are times that we do not exactly agree on a matter and instead of insisting on having my way, I exercise a spirit of yielding (1 Corinthians 7:4). The fact that I was no longer going to be making decisions alone and that I would have to consider, and sometimes yield to, my husband’s decision on a matter was a choice I made when I decided to get married. If I expected to have my way all the time, I would have stayed single.
Post # 14
I’m an atheist, so I don’t have a very good perspective on Christian values, but if you guys have been together for however many years and he never expected you to “submit” to him (regardless of what “submit” means), until he read it in a book that’s several thousand years old, why does he suddenly want to change the dynamic of your relationship now?
Note: I’m not bashing the fact that he’s following the Bible, but I feel that this is similar to someone in a happy relationship reading a book on relationship advice and deciding they’re doing everything wrong – even though their relationship may be perfectly healthy!
I guess what I’m trying to say is: Why does he need to change this dynamic? Was he not happy with how you guys operated before he read this section of the Bible? Does he believe that he “needs” to do this to be a good Christian?
Post # 15
This is something I’m trying to work on myself. I feel its all about trustng H2b’s judgement and trusting him to make the decisions that are best for both of us. Sometimes when I’m aurguing with H2B I know that I’m being demanding and unfair on him so for me its also about trying to overcome some of my impulses to be selfish. I know h2b is working equally hard to be the best he can be for me too.
Post # 16
I think that as a Christian your first take on “submission” should be mutual submission as a couple to God and (particularly for Catholics) the teachings of the Church. Submission to your husband comes after that and on the basis that he is following God & the Church should be almost self evident & un-complicated.