- 5 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013
So I’ve been going through a rough patch health wise and it’s all getting to be a little overwhelming.
My husband and I aren’t trying to conceive yet (Jeez, we’ve only been married 8 months) but this is playing on my mind quite heavily.
I’ve had a migraine for 4 weeks now, I ended up in hospital last week and was discharged with Status Migrainous (which means I’ll be suffering chronic intense migraines at least until I go through menopause) and possible endometriosis – which in many women means infertility.
I never wanted kids before I met my husband, the partners I was always with were childlike enough without adding to the problem and having no help, but since meeting him my mothering is kicking in and I’m becoming really clucky (much to my 10 month old cat’s distaste). Last week with the endometriosis being put on the table it has just set me off.
I haven’t talked to him just yet although he knows what it could mean, we need to wait for tests after I see the specialist tomorrow so I don’t want to upset him because I’m worried about a non-issue at the moment.
I just feel so weak. His family is all so strong, so healthy. His mum was in a car accident and broke her foot but was back running her cafe 4 days later.
Although they’ve accepted me we haven’t spent a lot of time together yet (because we live so far away) but we’re moving closer to them next year.
I am scared that they’ll see this sickly woman their son has married and worry that I will drag him down or cost us too much money.
Not that they’ve ever said anything of the sort, it’s my insecurities filling in.
I’m healthy normally but when I get sick…I get really sick. Pneumonia, limbs that stop working for no apparent reason and now this. Migraines forever and something that might stop me from bearing children. He’s from a huge family and we want a large family ourself (we’re talking at least 4 but most likely more).
I know I need to hold off and wait for a diagnosis but I’m just so scared.
I want to be a good wife to him, but it feels like I’m failing at that.