(Closed) Need some info on a tea ceremony!

posted 5 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@childofthe1980s:  If your Future Mother-In-Law wants you to do it, then can you ask her about her expectations? Your family can definitely attend and you should wear a qi pao. Make sure you’re comfortable in it! You’ll be doing lots of kneeling. Also, enlist the help of your Maid/Matron of Honor or his sister (if he has one). You’ll need a sidekick to help you with the cups and stuff.

Post # 5
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@childofthe1980s:  Then a cousin, perhaps? The best thing for you to do is to set up a meeting with your Future Mother-In-Law with a willing participant/helper so everyone is on the same page. 

 

 

 

Google “qi pao” or “cheongsam.” It’s a traditional Chinese wedding dress. Don’t wear jeans, unless you’re planning on wearing jeans to your wedding ceremony. At the very least, just try to find a red dress if you don’t want to wear a qi pao.

 

Post # 6
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

@childofthe1980s:  I wore jeans and a t-shirt when I did the tea cermony. (we did it weeks before the wedding) As you will need to kneel to serve tea to your Future In-Laws, probably be in something more comfy? IMO the wedding dress is fine if you’re happy to kneel in it. I reckon if your Future In-Laws would like a tea ceremony, ask if your parents would like to be part, and be served tea as well? Since it is Chinese tradition to show respect for the elders, I don’t think you’re parents being in it together will be a problem. 

You will need someone on the side handing you the cups and pouring the tea. So probably either a family member (younger than you preferrably or a sibling).

Post # 8
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@childofthe1980s:  You can do the tea ceremony in your wedding dress after the ceremony (plus it looks better for pictures.)

Basically your parents and in laws go first. A pair at a time. They will sit down on a chair, while you two kneel down in front of them. You two then pour tea into a cup for the parents and in laws to drink, and you thank them for all your upbringing.

In return, they will either give you a red pocket of money or gold jewelery 🙂

Post # 9
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

In-laws first, because it’s groom’s parents first.

kneeling? I’ve never seen a Chinese tea ceremony that involved kneeling. A lot of bowing when the teacup is offered, however, yes.

Also, I highly recommend NOT wearing jeans. The tea ceremony is a big part of the wedding, and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want people showing up to your wedding in jeans, let alone YOU wearing jeans!

Post # 11
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@childofthe1980s:  lol I see.

 

well, if you need to talk to someone, I’m around. I’m Chinese, and though I’ve been married for almost a year, I still haven’t been home for the tea ceremony XD

 

Post # 13
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think you need to wear a qipao.

The whole point of the ceremony is to thank and show respect for each set of parents for raising you and supporting you in life; they give you their blessing to marry (sometimes literally with the red envelopes and jewelry).

Post # 14
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@childofthe1980s:  

 

Where are you planning to do the tea ceremony? At FMIL’s home or at the reception/ceremony venue? Traditionally, I believe you first visit the home of the groom’s parents and offer tea to the groom’s family, then you go to the home of the bride’s parents and do the same. These days, a lot of people just have it immediately before or after the “regular” ceremony at the same venue.

Definitely do not wear jeans, no matter what your Fiance says! If his mother is traditional enough to want a tea ceremony, she might feel insulted if you were to serve the tea in jeans. A qipao/cheongsam would be great, but a good one is not cheap and will probably need fitting so if you can’t get one, a red dress will be fine. If you’re not wearing your wedding gown, do NOT wear a white dress. White is the Chinese colour of mourning.

I was told the person who runs the ceremony is usually an older, married, female relative, and you usually ask a younger female relative to help you with the tea pouring, tray holding etc. My mother says it was my dad’s relatives who ran the whole thing for her. Talk to you Future Mother-In-Law and ask her if she wouldn’t mind having someone from her side of the family do this. It really wouldn’t be fair to expect your relatives to know what to do!

As for the kneeling, this is personal preference. My parents have already told us that they would be really really uncomfortable with us kneeling in front of them. So we will just be standing, bowing and offering them the tea. They’re also not keen on using all the traditional titles to address each relative. You should ask Future Mother-In-Law if they’re expecting you to know them. This can be a nightmare in big families as each relative has a separate formal title.

Does Future Mother-In-Law have a special tea set for you to use? Typically, the bride’s family provides the wedding tea set but it doesn’t have to be very fancy.

I found this website with some info but it’s probably best to talk to your Future Mother-In-Law on her expectations before the big day: http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com/tea-ceremony.html

For my own tea ceremony, we’re doing it the day after the wedding, at the same venue since it’s a Destination Wedding. I’m wearing my grandmother’s kebaya and my uncle is buying the tea set for me as a wedding present. Fiance is not Chinese, so we’re going to offer tea to his folks in their own language 🙂

Hope that helps!

 

 

Post # 15
Member
20 posts
Newbee

@strawbs:  hi, i read your posting about chinese tea ceremony. I’m chinese and marrying an indian guy and we are both hindus but my mom wants me to do a tea ceremony. I’m a little knowledged about it but not too much. I don’t just don’t want to incorpate 2 ceremony’s in one. figure have a 2 day event. Friday and Satuday. Maybe tea ceremony on a friday and hindu ceremony of course on saturday morning. SO inlaws go first?

Post # 16
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@K2428:  yes your in-laws would go first.

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