(Closed) Need some opinions :)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have a bunch of friends that have been in relationships forever (8+ years) and I am married before them. They are just in a different situation to me because marriage was not at the top of their priorities list. They have a mortgage and other things going on. If marriage is a priority, tell your partner your serious and go from there. Don’t worry about what others are doing with their lives, they are on a different journey to you.

Post # 5
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

First, I think it’s terribly rude to say to someone “When are you getting one too” in regards to an engagement ring. It strikes me as smug and obnoxious, and I don’t have a sharp, witty retort for you, but if I were you I’d come up with one the next time someone says something like that to you.  That is really personal, and no ones business.

Second, you are still very young. You have your whole life ahead of you. It sounds like you have a good solid relationship, so enjoy it. Have a conversation with your bf about how he sees the rest of your 20’s unfolding. Get a sense of where he is, and what he’s thinking. Make sure you’re on the same page. Yes, technically marriage is a “commitment”, however the fact is if someone wants to walk away from a marriage, they can and will, which is why 50% of them end in divorce.

Post # 6
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

I think you’re only too young to get married if believe that you are and when I say “you” I mean both you and your boyfriend.  Being together 8 years from the ages of 16-24 is way different from being together 8 years from 24-32.  If it were the latter, I’d be concerned.  But I still understand that 8 years feels like 8 years regardless.  You are still young (personally I wasn’t thinking of marriage at 24), but if you both think it’s the right time, then go ahead.  It’s more important that the two of you are on the same page than anything else or what anyone else thinks.  Have a talk with him to get a general idea of his timeline and work out a plan for your relationship together.

Post # 7
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why don’t you just ask your SO what his plans are for the next two or three years. As you are in school and he is still settling his acreer, he may feel now is not the time to get married. Maybe he wants to be settled in life before you get engaged or married so you will have a stable foundation from which your marriage will grow.

Before you talk to him, think about YOUR life dreams/goals. If you want to be married someday, when? Is it before you are a certain age, reach a certain goal, or is there some other timing concern you have? Maybe you don’t truly care when you get married and are only feeling this way due to comments others make. You should not feel pressured or guilty for not being married in an 8 year relationship, or because your SO’s friends got engaged. The only thing that is important is what you and your SO feel is best for you both.

Post # 9
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lsimpson:  If that’s the case, maybe you can bring it up while talking about him applying for jobs overseas. Something like “I would really like to be engaged before we move overseas/you get settled in your job” if he asks why, just tell him that you feel it is time to take your relationship to the next level. He may be worried about planning/paying for a wedding while still in school, so you may need to consider a longer engagement. Would you be okay with that? If so, I would offer it as an option.

Post # 10
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lsimpson:  I don’t think people have a specific timeline with getting engaged and married. It sounds to me like you and your boyfriend have a lot going on with you finishing up school and him wanting to change jobs. I would let him know how you feel but don’t pressure him to propose and if you do get engaged maybe try and wait to get married after the both of you more stable with your life and financial situation. But there is nothing wrong with being honest with your SO about how you feel and what you want in life. Also, make the sure the both of you are on the same page in regards to where the both of you want to go with your life and long and short-term goals. Cool

Post # 12
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

The only way to know if he thinks you’re too young to get married is to ask him.  There’s no point sitting around wondering and agonizing over it.

I got engaged at 24, albeit a couple weeks before I turned 25.  I’ll be 26 when we finally tie the knot.  We’ve been together for 6 years.  I really wanted to get married a couple years ago, but it wasn’t the right time (even though I thought it was at the time).

Whatever you do, don’t get married for the wrong reasons (like just because you’ve been together a long time) and don’t pressure him to propose to you (by mentioning it all the time).  If you set down ground rules like, “I’m not moving to a foreign country with you unless we’re married,” then tell him that one time and leave it alone.  He’ll remember.  You don’t want to constantly talk about proposals to the point that neither one of you is enjoying it anymore.  It’s supposed to be a very happy, exciting time.

It can be easy to obsess about something like this because it’s a really big deal and it’s something you want.  I find it’s best to enjoy the moment and let nature takes its course.  When the time is right, he’ll propose.

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