(Closed) Need some perspective… Sister/Maid of Honor divorce drama

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Well first of all, I think you might get a little backlash for calling it a fake wedding. It wasn’t fake. They got legally married and had a celebration two years later. It is what it is.

But in response to your post, I really dont think her divorce is going to overshadow your day. Unfortunetly divorce is a pretty common thing in this day in age. Yes, the circumstances surrounding hers may be a bit dramatic but I highly doubt that people are going to be thinking of her divorce, at your wedding.

Also, I think your fiance needs to mind his own business. Getting pissed off at your sister seems silly at this point. Her wedding happened and nobody can change that now. She needs a shoulder to cry on, not people getting “pissed” at her.

Post # 4
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Its going to be your day celebrating you and your FH. I don’t think anyone will be focused on her. And if they are, don’t let them steal your joy. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

And this is why people shouldn’t have fake weddings.

Post # 6
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think the OP is referring to the wedding as fake as they did not inform their family of the prior marriage. allowing everyone to believe and pay for this wedding under false pretences is pretty fake to me. 

 

Post # 7
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think you should feel bad or anything. It isn’t your fault and whilst it is horrible, moving your wedding wont make the situation any better. Enjoy your day

Post # 8
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Does it really matter if it was “fake” or not? Theyre getting a divorce now so whats done is done.

Post # 11
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think that your parents have the right to be angry/hurt.  Whether the wedding celebration occured alongside the actual legal marriage is not the point.  The point is that she had the wedding celebration under false pretenses, and your parents paid for it. That said, try to be loving towards her.  She made some bad decisions, but she probably doesn’t need to be reminded of them.

 

It was kind of you to change your plans to accomodate your family needs in the past.  You should go on with your wedding as scheduled. Hopefully, she will be your Maid/Matron of Honor, and in doing so, will be sincerely happy for you.  As another poster said, unfortunately cheating and divorce is not so uncommon. Her drama won’t overshadow your day.

Post # 12
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you want to have a formal ceremony after you are already married that’s up to you, but when someone else is funding it that should be disclosed prior to accepting any money. My cousin did the same thing to my aunt back in 2003 and she’s still getting shit for it. That marriage didnt last either.

I don’t think your marriage will be overshadowed by her divorce. And if it is- well I think I’d rather have an over shadowed wedding than a man who used me to get a green card then cheated on me. Just to keep it in perspective.

Did she say she still wanted to be in the wedding after you offered to let her step down?

Post # 13
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I feel so bad for you.  If your family had known the true situation, they might have warned her about jumping into a marriage with someone so they could get a green card.  I think your sister was incredibly foolish.  What’s done is done, but you are left with a lot to deal with.  I don’t know what to say except that I’m sorry you are going through this!

Post # 14
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you genuinely think your sister might have a breakdown while standing at the altar (or on her way there), then you should pre-emptively excuse her from her MoH role. It would be unkind to put her in a situation that would be that emotionally difficult for her.

If, on the other hand, you just think people will be pitying her all day instead of fawning over you, well… in the nicest possible way, you should get over yourself. Your sister just had a very traumatic breakup. Was she an idiot and a liar? Yes. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve a little sympathy. So just console yourself with a little schadenfreude and let her cry on people’s shoulder. Wouldn’t you rather be the happily married one who doesn’t need to be the center of attention anyway?

Post # 15
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Who cares about this fake or not fake wedding? I highly doubt that your sister would have listened to you if you had told her what she was getting herself into.

 

Your sister is a grown woman. If she or anyone allows her divorce to overshadow your big day that is their problem, not yours. I highly doubt it will because people know weddings are a joyous occassion. And I think Sarah may be bitter but hopefully she is old enough and mature enough to put this away for you and your FI’s big day.

 

Post # 16
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

She made a foolish decision. But maybe she didnt want to be judged at the time, which is the same judgement that she’s getting now. She’s an adult and she made a mistake. Your parents paid for the wedding, not you. Be there for your sister as best as you can, but focus on your upcoming wedding.

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