(Closed) Need some perspective… Sister/Maid of Honor divorce drama

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Has she actually made any indication that she’s going to cause a scene or have a crying breakdown at the alter or anything like that? If not, I guess I don’t see why it is your problem? You ask if she would still be willing to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, she said yes. I think it’s time to close the matter for awhile.

And yeah, lying about being married was shady, but her husband used her and cheated on her and she’s now going through a divorce. I think she’s more than paid for her mistakes and bad judgement.

Post # 33
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m gonna go ahead and sound like a heartless biotch but here goes…

Listen, you & Fiance put your lives on hold for a year so that she could all the sudden get engaged and married before you, to someone who she was already married to for 2 years. She lied to your parents, wasted a lot of money on a wedding to someone who was clearly just trying to stay in the country. The whole “fake” vs. “real” wedding thing doesn’t really matter except that she lied to your whole family and to you about it.

Given that she’s known for creating drama, being dishonest, and inconsiderate, and your Fiance doesn’t get along with her, AND she can’t talk about weddings AND she’s not going to be able to support you a Maid/Matron of Honor normally does…I think you should ask her to step down. This whole situation sucks, and I do feel bad for your sister, there’s obviously other issues going on with her to cause that type of behaviour, but bottom line is this: you deserve to be happy and as stress free as possible on your wedding day, and a Maid/Matron of Honor is normally in charge of making sure things go smoothly and being there for you. I think you have plenty of reason to ask her to step down, just do it as nicely as possible and make it clear that you still love her and want to be there for her during her difficult divorce. If she can’t even TALK about weddings a month and a half away from yours, then actually being a part of one is probably going to be an issue.

Post # 34
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Marcus may have married her because he wanted a green card, but (presumably) she married Marcus because she loved him and wanted to build a life with him. I think it’s worth remembering that the whole thing wasn’t just a scam to her. Not telling your family they were already legally married was a bad move, but maybe they didn’t conisder themselves really married until they had the big celebration? As with a lot of situations, it’s not what happened but how they handled it that is the problem.

 

Either way, she should be able to put her own feelings aside and pull herself together to support you for one day.

Post # 35
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly, I feel bad for your sister…she has had two very serious relationships (an engagement and a marriage) end because her partner was cheating on her. The lying was not cool at all, but I think as PP said, she is more than paying for that mistake.

Also, unless I missed something in your OP, you decided to postpone your wedding because of hers…I don’t think it’s really fair to be angry with her because of a choice you made.

I would have a talk with her, because I can see how being in your wedding may be difficult, but I also think that if you assume she wants out, and cut her you might really hurt her feelings. She probably is going to really need to rely on family right now, and being a part of your wedding might be a good distraction for her.

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