- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I need some help bees, I’m not even sure where to begin…
I’ll start off by saying that my fiance’s family and mine are very very different. I am from New York and he is from North Carolina. His family is very very well off and unfortunately my family is struggling. I adore his family and their southern charm, it is one of the reasons I love my guy so much. I am also very blessed to have a great relationship with his sister (She is 10 years older and is married already), I really feel like I have gained another sister.
Ever since I met my fiances family they have talked about his sisters wedding. Which is great! I love weddings and I was excited they were sharing with me all the details and it gave me a feeling that they must like me! The more I started hearing the details of her wedding the cost came along with it. Her wedding was a very expensive wedding (40k+ over 170 guests) that her parents paid for fully. Which is expensive in my eyes for the state of North Carolina. I personally wouldn’t want to spend that much but it was her day and if she had the wedding of her dreams, I am very happy for her!
Now that I am engaged to her son, his family has already said they would chip in what the grooms family is supposed to pay for….which is pretty much just a rehearsal dinner. I was a little hurt at first since his family did so much for his sister. I got over it though, it gives me more creative freedom. My family gave me 10k for my wedding and I am so grateful since I know they are not in the best spot financially. My fiance and I are very low key people so we chose quality over quantity. We are going to have it in Charleston, SC and we really only wanted our closest friends and family there. We are going to have only about 25-30 guests. I can still have a nice dress and all the important things to me and be around the people we love.
So now that you know the back story here is where it begins! Thanks for reading!
Every time I see his mother (she is a very materialistic person, loves to talk about how much she spent on things) she still talks about how extravagant his sisters wedding was. At first I thought it was just something to talk about and I kind of just smiled and agreed. Now it is to the point where it is hurting my feelings quite a bit.
We went bridesmaid dress shopping since my Future Sister-In-Law is pregnant and to get her measured before she starts showing. The entire car ride she talked about how amazing my Future Sister-In-Law dress was and how “it cost as much as a down payment on a house” and how it was custom made for her, how all the beads were hand sewn from like Paris and then asks me how much my dress budget is. Well her dress is more than my budget total…. It was just awkward a little and it didn’t stop just there. Once we got inside the boutique she then had to tell all the associates about her daughters dress (along with the price) and her bridesmaid dresses and it just made me really nervous. I just can’t help to feel that she is just comparing weddings or undermining mine. You just had to hear the way she was saying everything.
While we were also at the bridesmaid shop she announced in front of everyone that she will buy me my shoes. So everyone was like awww how sweet! The entire thing just seemed staged. I said my thank you and I mainly chatted with his sister and picked a dress. In the same car ride she said to me well you’re not going to get any gifts by inviting that many people. Also how I am going to need to send wedding announcements to everyone since no one will be there. I did ask her if there are any individuals that are really important to her that she would want there….she said she would have to think about it. I just don’t know what to do. She has already told my Future Sister-In-Law that she is upset we are not getting married in a church (which my fiancé doesn’t want) and shes upset at how small it will be. She has thrown out suggestions for a venue that cost a fortune and we already have an amazing one booked!
I can handle this and not say a word and let her relive her daughters wedding since thats all I hope she is doing but I know my mother couldn’t handle this. I am horrified about Memorial Day weekend when we all go and I try on wedding dresses. My mother is a very sensitive person (who also has Lupus, MS and cervical cancer). If his mother pulls what she did during our bridesmaid dress shopping adventure my mother will be crying or worse getting sick from her nerves. My parents already feel bad about not giving more and I have told them they gave me more than what I could of ever hoped for. If his mother starts talking about how expensive this was and that was it is just going to be a nightmare, my mom will take it personally. No one wants to feel like they can’t provide for their children. I really don’t want that for my mothers sake and for the experience of my dress shopping.
I just can’t help but be so upset with her. Her son is about as low key as it gets, he wears jeans and t-shirts! I could never see our wedding being this huge event. I wish she could see this will be the wedding of OUR dreams and that we are happy. If I had an unlimited budget would it be bigger, yes but not by much maybe 40-70 guests. Would I have a bigger dress, of course! I am trying to make the best out of the finances that we have.
How do I approach this? Do I talk to my FMIL? Will she take it personally, do I talk to my FSIL?
I can’t have my sick mother crying or worse getting sick on what is supposed to be a special day.