- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I read these posts from other girls and it breaks my heart for them and now I am that girl.
We had our ups and downs for 4 years. Everytime he lied or did something wrong, I forgave him.
Here is my story: And you may have read this on an “anon” post bc I have written anon about tis before but I figure I might as well be up front with my real name now.
Backstory: This time last year, my SO and I broke up. He is a drinker, likes to go out a lot, his porn addicton bothered me (I get many of you like porn but when it intereferes with your relationship and life, then it is a problem). Well, last Feb/March, we called it off. I had a hunch for years that he was still interested in his ex gf. (We had already been dating 3 years, his ex eas from like 5 or so years ago). As SOON as we broke up, he went wild. He went out to bars all the time, opened up a fb account to upset me and posted all the pictures on there AND…come to find out, he took his ex gf out a few times and sent her two dozen roses (although time and time again he reassured me that he didnt like her).Also, FI’s sister who i trusted and confided in about how I thought he still wanted his ex, his sister hooked them back up by invting them out to her work (bar) to set them up. I was very hurt by all this. Nights were rough, I took it pretty hard but eventually started moving on. I started to feel ok. And then, he started to contact me ALL the time, started showing up at my house. Begged for me back.
Now I regret that. I never regret anything in my life but I REGRET taking him back.
In June, we started to work on things (although I found out that he was also on dating sites lke zoosk and plenty of fish). He made a DQ sign on a local road by us that had my name on it and said he loved me and was sorry. Everyone saw it. He posted the picture on fb for me to see (I wasnt friends with him but he was with my mom and told her to show me the picture). His brothres (who never liked me, bc everytime we fought, Fiance would talk trash about me, commented on the fb picture saying how I’m a bitch and how we would be miserable together. Well, his brothers always treated him bad and me as well, Fiance had enough so he told his brothers off. He told them if they dont support him then they are no brothers of him. I did NOT tell him to do this. That was his choice and in all honesty, I stayed out of it bc I had this feeling that he would resent me in the long run, even though I never told him to write them off.
In July, I went to FL for 3 weeks, while I was away he asked my parents if he could marry me. Before and after I was in FL, he was the sweetest guy ever, exactly the guy I wanted in my life. A part of me knew it could be fake but he was seriously so good at it, he fooled everyone, even his and my parents..and all my friends. He worked so hard to get me back. In September, he proposed.
Fast forward to January 2013, we had a huge fight. I dont even remember what started it. I just remember he went to work and I went to my moms for the day, I was cleaning all the storage bins out of our basement bc my Fiance and i were getting ready to move so I was downsizing stuff I didnt need. I text him around 9pm and told him I was still at the house and asked where he was. He was with his friend who I cant stand. This friend is vile. He is racist, pops pills, a drunk, all he talks about is sex and banging girls. Vile. And he is like almost 30 years old…same as my Fi (ex-FI).
Well, Fiance never came home that night. I later found out through one of his married friends who told on him, that Fiance and his vile friend went to this bar that Fiance knew I didnt want him going to. It is a biker bar where girls walk around in their lingeri and they close the bar down and hang out with the guys after. Its shady. He got home and I asked him where he went, I already knew though and he LIED to my face! Long story short, that week…he didnt come home 3 times at night. Do I think he was staying with one particular girl having an affair, no. Do I think he was out with girls and may have fooled around with them, yes. I know two of the nights, he stayed at his vile friends house. Idk what happened or what he did but I know he didnt come home three times that week. Well, looking back, I shouldve called it off then. And of course, I am trying to keep this short so I’m only giving the bigger details of what happened.
So, here we are now its March. In the last 5 days, my life has fallen apart. Wednesday of last week, Fiance and his sister got into an arguement bc she was instigating to him how his brothers werent going to come to the wedding. Fiance and his brothers hadnt spoken since the DQ sign in July. Fiance misses them, I get that, and I know he really wanted them at his wedding BUT, he wouldnt make any effort to talk to them bc he felt they owed him an apology. I ended telling him that they wouldnt have been so protective of him if he hadnt bashed me so much to them and that it is paritally his fault why they reacted the way they did BUT, that they were wrong for publicly saying things on fb and, they didnt have to call me names or get nasty. One of his brothers even told my mom off and has never met my mom. Well, Wed..after fighting with his sister, he tells me “I’m about to call this whole damn thing off”. After talking he said he still wanted to marry me but didnt want the wedding bc no one would be there for him. Actually, he had about 100 other guests he invited, its just 3 brothers wouldnt be there. Of course I was upset, not bc I had to have the big wedding but bc when we first planned the wedding, I offered to elope or do something small in respect to his situation with his brothers. He said no and wanted a huge party/wedding. I wanted a barn wedding, simple and laid back, his mom said that was trashy. So, we booked this fancy place. His parents said they would give us $5k and only gave us $500.
Thursday, We got into a fight bc the Wed fight wasnt resolved. He got a letter in the mail which he left laying out visible and opened and it was from a financial company. He co-signed a car for his siter three years ago but she kept being at least ten days late on her payments. So we fought about that bc I told him that I dont want her bills affecting our credit bc she has a good job but just paties too much and doesnt pay her bills. He told me, “its none of your business” and how he is keeping me on a “need to know basis”. I was LIVID! Mind you, we had joint checking/savings accounts. So I got really upset. I told him it is my business. Whats more F-ed up, we just leased a car and put it in my name. So, we had two cars, my one car that I have had for a long time that is paid off and now a new lease. We turned in his old lease and I get the Groomsmen discount so I had to put the new lease in my name and he was goint to make the payments (I’m currently not working bc I’m in transisiton with careers). So after he told me I was on a need to know basis, and said nasty things about how I ruined his life and how I could ‘pack my shit and leave’, I told him that our finanaces ARE my busniess if he thinks we are putting everything in my name and that if he wanted to be mean, I wanted ‘my’ brand new car back for me to drive bc that bs that I was on a limb with my credit line for someone who was so disrespectful to me. He told me to get out of the house but he expected me to leave the new car with him. WTF…wait so you think I’m going to leave a brand new leased car with you for three years and ‘trust’ you to make the payments when he already has money issues and he was going to leave me. Nope, you dont get to break up with me and get a new car and it be in my name. So, he came home from work and I packed up my things and took the new car back to my parents so I could stay there. My mom and I came back to get my other car later that night. He talked to me as I left and said I could take the dog (and now he is saying he never said that and now he wants her back bc I have her). I have proof in a text message that he said I could have the dog. When I left the house that day though, I didnt actually think it was over. We have had fights like this before and usually he just takes time to cool off and we smooth it over. So, I went home. OH also, on his lunch break, he cleaned out our checking account and only left me with $400.
So, he went to the Ford dealer and gets a new car. Here is whats F-ed up. Our dealer knew we were getting married. My Fiance went in there acting all chummy talking about wedding plans and the dealer asked where I was and Fiance said I was at dinner and he was going to surprize me with a new car. WTF?!?
THEN…when he got home from the dealer…he made Plenty of Fish website saying he was single, I was able to get onto his account bc it was the same password as our other passwords, he chatted like 30 girls all night telling them their beautiful and wants to hang out. SInce then, he as made a new fb account, friending all the girls from that skanky bar. He made a match.com site, he also made a zoosk account. I made an account just to see if he would, I didnt add any profile info and without paying the monthly fee, you cant do anything on it anyway. He paid the $30 for an account. He is also putting pcitures of our dog on there for girls to fall in love with. He put pictures of us but cut me out. He even sent my account a ‘wink’. WTF!
I know this relationship is over. I am ok with that, I deserve better and I know it. What is killing me, KILLING me…is how he is searching for young hot girls. Let me tell you, I am 25 years old, educated and I’m pretty. I have modeled for car shows and tradeshows. When we first met, I was 110lbs soaking wet. I am now 140lbs and dont feel great but I am a size 6 still. The girls he is talking to are like bone thin, 18-20 years old, some are older too, they are dressed in short tight dresses in heels. I’m not that girl. Yes, I am pretty. But I am not the kind of girl to dress like that for attention. I would rather wear skiny jeans, boots and a sweater when going out that a tight minskirt and stillhettos. I feel so unpretty. How could he kiss me and tell me he loves me before work on Thursday, and later that night, get on these accounts searching for girls to talk to? He is making his profle bio bash me like how he wants a girl with a job. I have been working and going to school full time for the last 6 years, the job I got right after I graduated I hated so I took some time off and now I’m about to get hired (2nd interview today, trying to pull myself together). Its not so much the end of the relationship that hurts…its these damn accounts where he is looking for new girls, prettier girls, skinnier girls who are in better shape, who like to go to bars and get wild.
I know this is long, sorry. And sorry if it has errors, I am sobbing as I write this.
Some more info…if I wouldve called this off in January, I wouldve gotten all my wedding money back. So now, not only do I lose the $1k deposit on our venue, I also lose the $7k paid toward it bc its ledd than 6 months away. And, my dress comes in next month and I oew about $900 on it. And I also have to pay my maids for their dresses.
This is all so messy and he gets off scott free and gets to go flirt and have a ball with all the new girls he meets online…
I need some love on here ladies, please no harsh bashing at/toward me…