- 6 years ago
I just can’t take waiting for him to propose anymore. We’ve been dating for almost 5 years. I’m about to turn 30, and he still isn’t ready to propose. I love him, but waiting for him to propose is making me anxious, unhappy and doubting our relationship. I’ve expressed my desire to be engaged clearly to him for several years. I feel like it has become his decision, not ours.
I decided that I would move out at the end of our lease in November if things showed no sign of progression. (After our last marriage talk, I told him he needed to convince me he was serious. He completely failed to do this. Every time marriage was brought up to him, he had a minor panic.) I debated waiting to tell him until the lease was up, but I just couldn’t take all the negative thoughts going on in my mind. It felt awful secretly browsing Craigslist for apartments, researching neighborhoods to live in, and saving for the security/broker’s fee/moving costs. Also, I didn’t want to leave him stranded and screwed finacially and professionally, which me leaving unannounced would likely do to him. I really do love him, and I want him to be successful even if he’s not with me.
I waited until a major professional event in his life was over (which necessitated weeks of brooding and planning on my part) and finally spoke to him tonight. He wanted to relax, but I insisted that we speak. Maybe the timing wasn’t the best, but I was so sad and worried and nervous, I just needed to get it over with. I told him we could continue dating, but in November, I would be moving out and finding my own place.
The talk did not go well. He did not engage and he was extremely uncommunicative. He just said I don’t know how he felt about proposing, and you can’t always bring up this marriage thing. (He has previous said that he 100% wants to marry me.) Then he completely shut down, gave me the silent treatment and left the house without telling me where he was going.
I feel so sad. I am almost sure I’m doing the right thing, but its so awful. I thought I would spend my life with this man and have his children. If that’s not in the cards for us, I need to know that now. Continuing to play house will just delay the inevitible, and possibly make it impossible for me to have children later. There is no compromising on marriage and kids.
So now I wait. I am ready to move out tomorrow if necessary. I have enough saved that it could be done. I just feel so lost and sad… Any support or advice if greatly appreciated. There is this enormous part of me that just wants him to show up with a diamond ring tomorrow morning. I know that’s not in the cards, and that it would be a terrible way to get engaged. But still…