Post # 31
I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP.
My question is: if he did show up with a ring tomorrow, would you want to marry someone that had to be convinced/talked into marrying you? What if you want children down the line? Will you have to go through the same process and hurt to build a family with him?
I think you’re being extremely brave, and although that does not feel good or right sometimes, you should be true to yourself and what you want.
Post # 32
Well we ended up breaking up yesterday morning. We spoke and he said I deserved the truth, and the truth was he still didn’t know if he wanted to get married. I told him I couldn’t stay if this relationship wasn’t headed for marriage. We decided it would be better if I moved out immedirately rather than delaying the inevitable. I mean, what’s the point of dating if we know I’m going to leave in November?
I’m just glad he was finally honest with me. He knew if he told the truth we would break up, and I appreciate him not continuing to string me along. At least I know I am doing the right thing by leaving him, as hard as it is. Before I was always wondering if a proposal was right around the corner, and if I just stayed a little longer everything would work itself out. If he didn’t know after 5 years of dating and living together, something was wrong even if I couldn’t see it…
Post # 33
I’m sorry OP, but thankfully the truth came out now rather than another 5 years down the line. You should be very proud of yourself for making a strong big – girl decision. This it’s not easy and you are very sad, but this is the right thing to do and in the future you’ll be rewarded with the right guy who would love to have a family with you. My best wishes to you. Many hugs!
Post # 34
I’m so sorry. he has the issue not you and just because he can’t see the strength of your relationship doesn’t mean it wasn’t fantastic. It sucks but now you have the opportunity to meet someone who wont hesitate at marrying you.
Post # 35
making a decision to stay indefinitely without marriage when early 20’s is different than someone who is 30 wanting children within a marriage.
Op, sorry, but think you are doing the right thing given what you’ve shared.
Post # 36
That’s ultimately as good as it’s going to get. I had to have a come to jesus with mine- mostly becasue I felt professionaly he wasn’t moving forward at an acceptable pace (meaning I didn’t think he was going anywhere at all- which was rubbish because he’s bright- I think he was just too comfortable)
But fortunately we had good communication on the getting married bit- and we knew where we were going- I don’t think I could take sitting around waiting for a proposal for years- I could barely take it for under the 6 months I was waiting!!! Kudo’s to you for moving on with your life.
You seem to be in a good place despite probably being hurt. Do what you have to do to get yourself together and back on track moving forward! Good luck with the move!
Post # 37
I know you are in pain but I so admire you. What you wrote about “continuing to play house” and the difficulties you might have having kids is spot on. The fact is you have basically proposed to him and his actions tell you that his answer is no.
Post # 38
I’m glad he finally manned up and told you the truth, even though that truth wasn’t exactly what you wanted to hear.
And yes I’m another Bee who dated someone for 7 years and the same thing happened…then someone else for about 2 with the same results and now I’m incredibly grateful and happy all of that happened so I could properly appreciate my DH. 🙂 it will happen Bee and it will be even better than what you’d envisioned with your ex SO. In the meantime, hang in there and get a lot of me time so you can heal from this experience and not close yourself off from Love – cuz it’s looking for you too!
Post # 39
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
You are very brave and strong! It is so painful now, but you’ll get through it and true love will find you when your heart is ready. You deserve someone that can’t wait to marry you and make you happy. Hang in there, the rest of your life is just starting now. (((Hugs)))
Post # 40
A marriage requires constant adjustments and negotiations. He seems to want to do things on his own timeline and according to his own desires and seems unwilling to compromise. That is not a good sign. You did the right thing and you’re better off without him.
Recently a very close friend of mine frinally found the right guy at age 33 three years after her divorce. You have plenty of time to find the right person for you. You’ll be better for this.
Post # 41
4 months after I had that same conversation where I found out that the marriage talk was just to keep me around, I had a first dare with the man I’m marrying next Saturday. I was 33 and I thought I’d never meet someone.
My finace isnt just someone to marry…he is the absolute best relationship of my life. He’s my best friend and we are so compatible. Compromise with him has more to do with having salmon instead of chicken for dinner than different timelines, life goals, life styles, ethics etc. even our compromises lead to a better choice than we could have come up with on our own. It’s as perfect as a relationship gets.
i suppose my point is that whatever is waiting out there for you will bring more love and light to your life than you ever could have imagined.
Post # 42
No advice, I think you did the smart thing. Men get married because they want to be married, it sounds like your BF isn’t there yet. I’ve seen many women waste their lives waiting for a ring, congrats for not being one of them. I’m sure a great guy is right around the corner, I’m wishing you a great life with a man who puts your needs first and can’t imagine a minute without you!
Post # 43
I’m so sorry! On the other hand I’m happy for you to live your truth. Sometimes we have to do what’s right by us regardless of the pain it causes.
You will find someone awesome to spend your life with but for now, enjoy being single. Learn who you are and what you really want and need to be up front with in your next relationship(s).
We are all cheering for you!
Post # 44
I don’t think age has anything to do with that, actually. I want kids, preferably after marriage and I’m in my 20’s. If I had to choose between the man I want to spend my life with and a piece of paper I’d choose him because that piece of paper isn’t worth ending my relationship for to me. But everyone is different.
Post # 45
I’m so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing now. Just know that you are on the right track. You’re holding your head up high and know what you want, that’s half the battle 🙂
My prediction is that when you’re ready to date again, it won’t take long to find the right guy.. And it definitely won’t take long to get a proposal.
Best wishes to you. I admire your strength during this tough time!