(Closed) Need some support…I think we are about to break up

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
12 posts
Newbee

I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP.

My question is: if he did show up with a ring tomorrow, would you want to marry someone that had to be convinced/talked into marrying you? What if you want children down the line? Will you have to go through the same process and hurt to build a family with him?  

I think you’re being extremely brave, and although that does not feel good or right sometimes, you should be true to yourself and what you want. 

Good luck!

 

Post # 33
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m sorry OP, but thankfully the truth came out now rather than another 5 years down the line.  You should be very proud of yourself for making a strong big – girl decision.  This it’s not easy and you are very sad,  but this is the right thing to do and in the future you’ll be rewarded with the right guy who would love to have a family with you. My best wishes to you.  Many hugs! 

Post # 34
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’m so sorry. he has the issue not you and just because he can’t see the strength of your relationship doesn’t mean it wasn’t fantastic. It sucks but now you have the opportunity to meet someone who wont hesitate at marrying you. 

 

Xx

Post # 35
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
BridetoBee2017:  making a decision to stay indefinitely without marriage when early 20’s is different than someone who is 30 wanting children within a marriage.

Op, sorry, but think you are doing the right thing given what you’ve shared. 

Post # 36
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

That’s ultimately as good as it’s going to get.  I had to have a come to jesus with mine- mostly becasue I felt professionaly he wasn’t moving forward at an acceptable pace (meaning I didn’t think he was going anywhere at all- which was rubbish because he’s bright- I think he was just too comfortable)

 

But fortunately we had good communication on the getting married bit- and we knew where we were going- I don’t think I could take sitting around waiting for a proposal for years- I could barely take it for under the 6 months I was waiting!!!   Kudo’s to you for moving on with your life.  

You seem to be in a good place despite probably being hurt.  Do what you have to do to get yourself together and back on track moving forward!  Good luck with the move!

Post # 37
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
lifestooshort:  I know you are in pain but I so admire you. What you wrote about “continuing to play house” and the difficulties you might have having kids is spot on. The fact is you have basically proposed to him and his actions tell you that his answer is no.

Post # 38
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
lifestooshort:  I’m glad he finally manned up and told you the truth, even though that truth wasn’t exactly what you wanted to hear.

And yes I’m another Bee who dated someone for 7 years and the same thing happened…then someone else for about 2 with the same results and now I’m incredibly grateful and happy all of that happened so I could properly appreciate my DH. 🙂 it will happen Bee and it will be even better than what you’d envisioned with your ex SO. In the meantime, hang in there and get a lot of me time so you can heal from this experience and not close yourself off from Love – cuz it’s looking for you too!

Post # 39
Member
5641 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

You are very brave and strong!  It is so painful now, but you’ll get through it and true love will find you when your heart is ready.  You deserve someone that can’t wait to marry you and make you happy.  Hang in there, the rest of your life is just starting now.  (((Hugs)))

Post # 40
Member
845 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
lifestooshort:  A marriage requires constant adjustments and negotiations. He seems to want to do things on his own timeline and according to his own desires and seems unwilling to compromise. That is not a good sign. You did the right thing and you’re better off without him. 

Recently a very close friend of mine frinally found the right guy at age 33 three years after her divorce. You have plenty of time to find the right person for you. You’ll be better for this.

Post # 41
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
lifestooshort:  4 months after I had that same conversation where I found out that the marriage talk was just to keep me around, I had a first dare with the man I’m marrying next Saturday.  I was 33 and I thought I’d never meet someone.  

My finace isnt just someone to marry…he is the absolute best relationship of my life.   He’s my best friend and we are so compatible.  Compromise with him has more to do with having salmon instead of chicken for dinner than different timelines, life goals, life styles, ethics etc.  even our compromises lead to a better choice than we could have come up with on our own.  It’s as perfect as a relationship gets.

i suppose my point is that whatever is waiting out there for you will bring more love and light to your life than you ever could have imagined.  

Post # 42
Member
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

View original reply
lifestooshort:  No advice, I think you did the smart thing. Men get married because they want to be married, it sounds like your BF isn’t there yet. I’ve seen many women waste their lives waiting for a ring, congrats for not being one of them. I’m sure a great guy is right around the corner, I’m wishing you a great life with a man who puts your needs first and can’t imagine a minute without you!

Post # 43
Member
549 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
lifestooshort:  I’m so sorry!  On the other hand I’m happy for you to live your truth. Sometimes we have to do what’s right by us regardless of the pain it causes.

You will find someone awesome to spend your life with but for now, enjoy being single. Learn who you are and what you really want and need to be up front with in your next relationship(s).

We are all cheering for you!

Post # 44
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
SoonMrsCrocker2:  I don’t think age has anything to do with that, actually.  I want kids, preferably after marriage and I’m in my 20’s. If I had to choose between the man I want to spend my life with and a piece of paper I’d choose him because that piece of paper isn’t worth ending my relationship for to me. But everyone is different. 

Post # 45
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’m so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing now. Just know that you are on the right track. You’re holding your head up high and know what you want, that’s half the battle 🙂

My prediction is that when you’re ready to date again, it won’t take long to find the right guy.. And it definitely won’t take long to get a proposal. 

Best wishes to you. I admire your strength during this tough time! 

The topic ‘Need some support…I think we are about to break up’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors