(Closed) Need some support…I think we are about to break up

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

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EJbaby:  you gave him time to thin and then waited 6 months- then you had to remind him adn wait 3 more weeks?! 🙁 you have your answer, he doesn’t take this relationship seriously and he takes you for granted. I hope you leave and find the happiness you deserve in life elsewhere!

Post # 47
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

When you say you understand why he shut down and he was hurt because he was caught off guard by you decidiing to move out (if necessary)….ummm don’t you think being made to wait 5 years is hurtful as well.  Most people know if someone is marriage material within a year, whether they propose or not. Think of it like this, at this rate you’ve waited 5 years and given him years of your youth you won’t get back. You’re not making a derastic, spur of the moment decision to move. The guy had 5 years to take you off the market and show that he wanted to make you the number one priority in his life and he didn’t. You snooze , you loose. He wasted 5 years, don’t let him waste another minute of your life.  Stay strong because you’re awesome.

Post # 48
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

So sorry. I know this is painfull. I believe at a certain point ( everyone has to decide this for herself) and I think you know in your heart when enough is enough. I cannot imagine waiting more than 2 years for a proposal.  IN MY MIND after 2 years he should know wheather he wants to be married or not.  There is someone out there for you! 

Post # 49
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I don’t even know you, but I’m proud of you. So many women don’t take a stand and allow men to string them along inevitably. I’m sure you’re hurting now, but you need a man who knows what he wants and is HONEST about what that is. He shouldn’t have to be backed in a corner to come clean.

Post # 50
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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BridetoBee2017:  In a pp you said you made the decision when you were 23 to stay with your bf even without a proposal.  Age does affect our decisons.  I’m in my 20’s too but I can see how if I was 30 like the OP and no proposal was in sight after 5 years, I’d be wanting to figure that sh–t out. None of us have unlimited time to find love, get married and have babies. TBH I’m not one that would have waited many years for a proposal anyway,  I think too many settle and are strung along.

Post # 51
Member
2304 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, it sounds like you’re going about this in all the right ways. You were mature and thoughtful in your actions and communication with him, and you showed tremendous character with not capitulating to your hopes of it ‘turning around’ and all working out by sticking around to give him more time. I’m so happy that there are people like you who are self-aware and true to that self enough to know that though you’ll go through a lot of pain and doubt in the short term, in the long term you’ve given yourself the best chance at happiness and reaching your goals and dreams! Good luck 🙂

Post # 52
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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SoonMrsCrocker2: and that is your perogative.  I waited 6 1/2 years.  I’m not loved any less than anyone else happily engaged on this site.  If I was still waiting, I’d still be waiting.  My point IN my post was that if you know that you want to leave, then leave.  I wouldn’t have ever left my SO over a lack of proposal but if OP felt that she wanted to leave because there wasn’t a ring there is no sense in a deadline, just do it, like a bandaid.  Too many people let an engagement make or break a relationship.  If a woman is going to choose to leave over lack of a ring then obviously their SO isn’t the right partner for them. I sincerely love my Fiance.  Not because of a ring, wedding, or a legal document binding us for life.  I love every part of him inside and out.  I love the relationship we have and the life we have built and I want to spend the rest of my life with him with our without a marriage certificate.  I wouldn’t love him any less if he hadn’t given me a ridicioulsly priced piece of metal for my finger.  And that is my opinion.  

If you’re going to set a deadline there’s no point in waiting.  IMO.

Post # 53
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

We always hear and commend those that wait it out and how brave they were for doing this but people forget that it is even more brave to walk away from something that will not bring them happiness. I’m sorry to hear it did not work out for you but I applaud your courage to walk away from something that you came to understand would not workout. With such a wonderful set of traits you have (including this newfound courage) I am sure you will attract a better partner. Best wishes to you on a step into a new direction!

Post # 54
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee

Stay strong girl! The problem with waiting and waiting is that so often it isn’t that the guy just doesn’t want marriage its that he doesn’t want to marry the woman he is with. You can stand by him all you want without that piece of paper but usually he won’t go get that piece of paper bexcuse he doesn’t want the lifetime commitment not bc he loves his partner inside and out but doesn’t believe in marriage. Yes there are exceptions.

Post # 55
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

Hugs to you, OP. I walked away from a stalled relationship very recently myself. I know it’s extremely difficult to do, but I truly think you made the right decision. By The Way, I posted an article about “waiting” 2 days ago. If you haven’t read it, you should check it out…it’s in the WAITING section. Anyway, my advice is to cut him off completely. That’s what I’m doing. It has helped my healing tremendously. I don’t want to talk to him constantly. What’s the point? Two good things can come from cutting him off…1) you get to heal without re-opening the wound every time you talk to him. You can’t move on if you’re constantly in contact. And, 2) he gets to experience life without you. He may very well see that life with you was much better, and that he was a fool for letting you go. He won’t get to experience that if he doesn’t miss you. In my case, my ex reaches out every few days, even though I asked him for space. I just ignore him…it’s been 6 weeks now. And I continue to ignore him. As far as he’s concerned, I’m moving on with my life. Yes, it’s difficult, but much better than staying stuck….

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