(Closed) need some wording suggestions for (expected) RSVP issues

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

For point 1, Write each person’s name on the RSVP card with a place to check decline/attend for each person. For example:


Firstname lastname ____Will Attend  ____ Sends Regrets


It will be more work to do them this way, but it makes it crystal clear about who is invited.

For point 2, after your RSVP date, you will need to call people who haven’t responded. At that point you can let them know that unless you hear from them by X date, you will mark them as not attending

Post # 5
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Well if anyone crosses out one and adds another, they really should know better. If you receive an RSVP like that, you just need to call them and say, “I’m sorry but we won’t be able to accomodate the extra guest”. It sucks and it’s kind of an awkward situation, but it’s better than people bringing uninvited guests to the wedding.

Post # 6
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would wait for the situation to arise. No sense in getting worked up until the time comes. When it does a simple “We have limited space and would like to include our closest friends and family only” should do.

Post # 8
3266 posts
Sugar bee

There is no polite way to preemtively tell someone you know they are going to be rude. 

The only way to go about it politely is to wait for a faux pas to happen and then address it privately with that person.

Post # 9
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We had this:

Please reply by: (date)

with names of attendees and dietary restrictions (if any)

___ seats have been reserved for you.


Our RSVP will be via text/call/email/website, so hopefully this will give us an opportunity to thank them for replying and address in a timely manner any issues pertaining to the plus one(s).  Our STD stated formal and adults only event. Our website will have the other info re: only those who RSVP’d will be accommodated; guests with dietary restrictions/allergies will have served meals.


Post # 11
3266 posts
Sugar bee

@branadian13:  In which case, the broken record method works best.

“I am sorry but that won’t be possible”.  Don’t offer them an explanation, they aren’t owed one, and will try to work around whatever reason you provide.

Them: So Jim Bob can’t make it to your wedding, so I thought I would bring Jinger instead

You: Oh I’m sorry Michelle, there has been a misunderstanding.  The invitation was only for you and Jim Bob.  It won’t be possible to accomodate Jinger at the wedding.  Can’t wait to see you though.

Them: But Jinger loves weddings, and since Jim Bob can’t come, I don’t see what the big deal is.

You: I’m sorry, like I said that won’t be possible. 

Them: But….whatever other stupid reason.

You: I’m sorry that won’t be possible.

At this point you disengage from the conversation. 

You: Sorry Michelle, I’ve got to run, the cat’s on fire.  See you soon.  Bye.


As for guests who don’t RSVP, a polite host waters down the soup, and quickly sets and extra place if an extra guest comes.  When your RSVP date passes, call up the non-responders and ask if they are coming.  Don’t email them, don’t facebook them.  Call them on the phone.  Leave a message if you can’t reach them. 

I operate on a 3 strikes policy.  I will call you and leave 3 messages.  In the last message I will leave them a deadline to respond, with a “if I don’t hear from you by Monday, I will assume that you cannot make it., You will be missed.”

This should get you most of your guests.

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