- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
BACKSTORY: My fiance met his ex because they worked together. She was pregnant when they met, then they got together shortly after the birth of her daughter, who I will call “K”. The biodad was not in the picture at the time because they had a nasty break-up. She was only 19, he was only 21, my fiancee was 23.
My fiance got sucked into the parenting world real fast….which he welcomed because he was at that point in his life where he did want to move forward with a solid relationship and eventually a family. Well, their relationship was not solid whatsover, she went back and forth between the biodad and him for the 3.5 years they were together. Every time she’d go back to the biodad, he’d be in the little girl’s life…then disappear when their ‘fling’ ended. When she was 2 years old, the biodad did finally start seeing her consistently…but it was only ONE weekend a month.
Therefore, my fiance became K’s “Daddy”. The ex let him take over all daddy duties with her. Eventually, stupidly, my fiance and her had a child as well. He is now my stepson and he is 4, and I will call him R.
They were breaking up when she found out she was pregnant with R. They tried to make it work and even bought a house together (UGH SO DUMB!) and then broke up FOR GOOD 2 months later, when R was just 6 months old.
Now, I’ve been in the picture since R was 1.5 and K was 4. When they broke up, they agreed to keep the kids together….therefore, when my fiance had visitation with R, K came along, too. Fiance and the ex fought each other over joint custody for a year and a half. Our state NEVER awards joint custody and wants one custodial parent, so his “visitation” was set to about a 45/55 amount of time with R. Becuase K is NOT his child, there is no legality toward her or visitation of her or anything.
The ex gets child support from K’s biodad. In the past year, the biodad has really pulled his act together. He now takes K on the weekends we have R. So that dropped our time with K down to only 2 days one week and 1 day the next — a total of 6 days a month. He asked the mom if he can have her on the days we take her during the week. the mom refused to let him, basically to spite him for his years of neglecting K. If biodad had money he would take her to court, but he doesn’t so he hasn’t exactly fought this yet.
Fiance got a new job, and we all agreed that an every-other-week schedule would make more sense for the kids. It was really inconsistent before and they never knew whose house they were going to each night. We just started the EOW schedule 2 weeks ago and this is our second time having R for a week. This also means that we actually have R HALF the time now (so in essence it’s joint visitation).
And of course, the mom now thinks we should also take her daughter, K, for a week straight too.
Without going into a bunch of details, this new schedule will mean that the mom doesn’t even have her kid, K, the majority of the time. She would have her only like 10 days a month. And SHE’S THE ONE GETTING CHILD SUPPORT???? ARRRG!
The mom/ex does not “get” what the issue here is. And Fiance is having a hard time “fighting” her about it becuase he doesn’t want it to seem like we don’t WANT to see K….that is not the issue really.
I want fiance to get in touch with the biodad but because of all their past issues — the mom going back and forth between them — ther’es lots of anger and old drama to deal with.
Do we just keep sucking it up forever and taking K, who is not our child and we get no support for?
Or do we fight it and possibly hurt K — because her mom would make it seem like it’s because we don’t want her?
(I want to add that K does recently seem to understand that her biodad is her ‘real’ dad…something her biodad has made sure she knows)
Any insight would be appreciated. I know it’s a long story so thank you for reading.