(Closed) Need support – anxiety about friend's bachelorette party

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I was recently a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding whom I hadn’t seen in over a year (I was very surprised she asked me to be in her wedding).  I was very nervous for the bachelorette party being that the other girls attending were all still in close contact with each other and the bride and I worried I would be the outsider.  I was a complete wreck the whole time I was driving to the party, but once I was there and got reacquainted with everyone I ended up having a blast and was so glad I did not try to weasle my way out of going.  I think once you re-unite with the girls from your past you will end up having a good time, maybe even find some new things you have in common.  Have fun. Laughing 

Post # 4
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Or if appropriate, if you are super anxious maybe see if it’s possible to bring a close friend with you who will make you feel more comfortable.  Just be sure not to “ditch” the friend if you end up hitting it off with your old gal pals in turn making her uncomfortable. 

Post # 5
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I recently attended a friend’s bachelorette and I knew NO ONE else (we had met in grad school). I was like you, so worked up, anxious, nervous, etc. Once I got there and met people, I relaxed and had a great time. Everyone there is so focused on the bride and making it the best night for her, that the other stuff will fall by the wayside. Try to enjoy it as much as you can!!

Post # 6
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@inexplicablecomfort:  I have GAD (general anxiety disorder) and I have panic attacks, so I totally understand where you’re coming from.  It sucks…big time.  The idea to keep repeating to yourself is that you’re going to go, have a great time, and you will be able to deal with whatever happens.  The anticipation is almost ALWAYS worse then the actual situation.  I try to remind myself of this often.  For me, once I get into the situation (whether it’s a social thing I’ve been dreading, an interview or presentation), I’m fine.  I keep telling myself this.

First off, the fact that you’re invited to “Falling Out Woman’s” apartment means that she wants to let your issues lie.  She also just wants your friend to have a great time, so you both have the same goals.  Just be friendly, offer to help out with anything and try to forget what happened before.

Your friend that you lost touch with is probably feeling the same way as you.  Walk in, smile big, and say “Holy Cow!  It’s been a long time”.  The conversation will go from there.

So much of this (as I’m sure you know), is just changing how you talk to yourself.  One technique that has worked for me is to recongnize that hey, you’re anxious about this situation.  Acknowledge that and then push it aside.  Every time it comes up in your mind, consciously push it aside and razor focus on something else, like work.  You’re on the loop of anxiety-cray-cray right now and you need to get off.  

Post # 8
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@inexplicablecomfort:  I’m glad I could help.  There’s safety in numbers.  🙂

I find that logic helps a lot in this stage too…so if the pushing the thoughts aside doesn’t work, argue with yourself.  I’ve noticed that a lot of people with GAD, etc. are actually really logical people, with great imaginations.  I think that’s one of the reasons it’s so upsetting.  We know we’re being nuts and we feel like we can’t stop it.  That in itself is stressful.

Another thing that really helps with me is to give myself a treat at the end of something that I’ve been really dreading.  It doesn’t have to be much (a morning of reading a new book, brunch out, a serious nap), but seems to really help me get through stuff I’m anxious about.  Kind of like “when I get through this, I’m going to get my nails done”.  Do something for yourself on Sunday.

Post # 9
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I was!!!

My best friend from college and I used to live together with another one of her friends from high school. We lived together for a year, and the last 5 months of living there, her HS friend and I totally butted heads. It got so bad that she would leave me nasty notes on my door, and when I got a dog (that was only going to stay at the house for 3 weeks) she called the landlord on me and he tried to get me to pay a pet deposit. So needless to say, we were not fans of each other AT ALL.

Well here comes my BFF’s bachelorette party & this was the first time I was going to see my old roomate. I was anxious, but it had been over 3 years since I had seen this girl, so I was just going to roll with it.

Well let me tell you that my old roomate and I were like white on rice that night, hugging and laughing. We talked about the past and realized that we couldn’t even pin point the moment when we starteed not liking each other. My BFF thought it was hilarious b/c me and this girl were walking down the street yelling “I love you!” haha!

So from first hand experience, you never know! Plus adding alcohol helps 🙂

Post # 12
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

First things first – breathe.  Deeply.  It does help!

Secondly, this situation stinks.  I know the bride is friends with these peeps, but assuming she’s aware you guys had a falling out and haven’t spoken in years, it’s kind of weird that she decided everyone needed to reunite and make up for her bach party.  I had a friend who thought everyone should just “get along” no matter what and I was once invited to a big birthday party for her and she invited 2 girls I’d fallen out with.  I talked to her about how anxious I felt and how much I did not wish to be around either of those women, but she really didn’t understand.  She just wanted to have a fun birthday and was not open AT ALL to me declining attending.  Granted, I was like 22 at the time and forced myself to go (nowadays I would just not go and if that pissed the friend off, then she’s not a good friend if she can’t understand) and it went pretty well.  One was hostile toward me at first and I was literally shaking with nerves (this girl loved confrontation and drama) but I just told her I was there for our mutual friend and wanted to just enjoy the celebration.  Much to my surprise, she responded pretty well to it and left me alone the rest of the night.  The other girl was fine towards me and once the wine started flowing, we ended up making up!  I think the bach party will be fine.  Since you didn’t mention either one of the friends being mean or confrontational types, they’re probably just hoping for the best, too, and aren’t going to start some Real Housewives-style fight complete with table flipping and drink throwing.  🙂  Everyone is coming together for the bride and will be focused on making sure she’s having a blast.  You will be a-okay and might even reconnect with one or both of them.  If you’re still a nervous wreck the night of the party, just focus on the fact that it’s a bach party and there will be cocktails to take the nerves down a bit when you arrive.  I think if the bride thought things were going to be uncomfortable or awkward, she wouldn’t have decided to have everyone come together.  I wish you the best – and remember to breathe!  Keep us posted and take care!

Post # 13
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

@inexplicablecomfort:  I’ve been in social situations similar to this before, where I have to play nice with a friend I’ve fallen out with. I know you are worried, but you CAN control whether your personal issues affect the mood/dynamic of the party. It’s easy; all you have to do is act normal! Just be polite and friendly toward these women, and everything will be fine. Don’t ignore them, and don’t say anything rude – and the rest will take care of itself, believe me. (Smiling a lot helps.) They are not going to bring up your past drama or confront you about losing touch with them. They’re going to this party for the same reason you are – to have a good time and support their friend. They might even be as nervous as you are! If you are friendly and positive, you’ll make everyone at the party feel more comfortable, which will help make the night memorable for the bride-to-be. And this might even be a good opportunity to rekindle those lost friendships, or at least to part on good terms with them.

Post # 14
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I also have diagnosed anxiety issues. What really helps me is visualizing positive outcomes. So, picture yourself being extremely engaging, funny, life of the party. And then imagine the other girl’s positives reactions. They will be happy to see you. They will be relieved that there is no awkwardness between the two/three of you. They will see that you missed the other one and that it is great to catch up. Repeat these visualizations over and over again until you feel confident. Whenever you have negative thoughts or revert visualizing their positives in to negatives (such as thinking that they will reject or confront you), take 10 deep breathes with your eyes closed. 

Good luck! 

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