Post # 1
Hi, my husband and I got married in California(were from the midwest) in just a small outdoor ceremony with our parents present. It was special and small and perfect(actually we had a bunch of crazy bad luck leading up to it, but we made it). We are having our reception back in our hometown. I used to live three hours away in a different city where most of my “friends” still live. BUt since I moved up here to be with my SO, I haven’t had much spare time, or social oportunities to make a whole lot of local friends because I was pregnant for most of last year and have been very busy as a new mom(and student and fulltime employee). I invited a lot of my old friends, who I’m incontact regularly with on Facebook, to the reception and gave plenty of notice since I knew June 19th would be a popular wedding date. THe RSVP dealine has come and gone, and the list of no-replies was pretty hefty. I messaged them on facebook to make sure and I wish I hadn’t. Everyone “is sorry they can’t make it.” No reason(not that I need an excuse, but the shallowness of the replies are bugging me), though they all were “so excited for the reception” when I first announced the date. Also, 2 of my 6 BMs were supposed to be my best friends from High School and they both agreed enthusiastically at first(they both live out of state), but then one dropped off the face of the earth, and the other one actually RSVP’d that she couldn’t come after not answering my phone calls or texts. It just hursts because for so many of these people, I really thought we were close. And its all the “can’t make it’s” at once that is just like well who the hell IS coming then… A few of my old friends are coming, but its surprising, because the ones who are weren’t who I expected to give a hoot.
We travel to this other city quite a bit since my husband’s band plays there often, and in the past I’ve been excited about calling up folks and meeting up, but now I don’t know how I’ll feel. I know I”m taking things a bit too personally, and a part of me is really insistant on just bagging those people as important in my life anymore. I obviously have a lot going on and I shouldn’t need to feel connected to people who are obviously not missing me or willing to put forth effort to be part of my life. It’s a bigger issue made quite apparent in the light of this event.
I guess I just need a pep talk or something. I know my reception will be really fun for whoever does come and I wish I could honestly not care about those who ditched out, but I’m not there yet.
It’s just like my tenth birthday party and my mom finally said I could have a party and I could invite ten friends. I was so excited, excpet, I had just moved to a new town and I invited ten kids but one showed up.
Help me get over it!!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
I’m so sorry!! It’s definitely hard to realize when friends aren’t as “good” as you thought they were. I think this happens to everyone to some degree in their lives, but I can definitely relate. Sometimes, when you “grow up” and get a husband and family, the change is too drastic for a lot of people who were once your friends to relate to. Are your friends younger than you or mostly single? Some probably just don’t “get” it, even though it’s a wedding and it’s so big to you!
You are right though…you’ll still have a blast at your reception, and maybe this situation will help you branch out and find new friends–especially friends who might be more at your stage in life that you can relate to.
Again, so sorry, but keep your chin up!
Post # 4
I am so sorry to hear that, that is the last thing that you should be going through on the most memorable day for you and your Fiance. Just remember that wedding planning really brings out the best and worst of qualities in people, and you really do end up knowing who your real friends are. Just keep your head held high, and I am sure everything will work itself out in the end. Be happy, it is your day, no matter what. For the people that truly want to support you, they will be there.
Post # 5
Uggg… you got me with the tenth birthday party. Ahh the angst. Are you me? And I’m going through that with my son now.
Is it possible that since you were married in California, they think this reception isn’t supposed to be a big deal? Are they perhaps upset that you didn’t have a bigger wedding (DW or local), and invited them to the actual wedding? Some Destination Wedding couples get heat for that.
The girls who were supposed to be BMs, was this for the local reception only? Or were they supposed to go to CA too? Did they know what you were looking for from them at the start? (Ie. Were they excited to be BMs, then afterwards found out it was a Destination Wedding, and couldn’t make it?)
I would take a few days to settle down. Then try to look at it objectively. Could they have good reason? Or misunderstand? If you do feel close to them, can you call to say you are disappointed and will miss them, and just kind of see how the convo flows? Maybe you will find that you are basically growing apart. As your life changes so do your relationships.
Post # 6
The BMs were excited in the beginning, and although when we originally started planning, the ceremony would be local(not for them, regardless), they aren’t “church” girls and I thought when I changed my ceremony to a parent’s only, low key thing, they’d feel relieved to not have to stand in a church in front of people or even wear anything that matches. Just show up and and be my friend and eat the food and accept a gift. I called them to catch up in general a few times since the original establishment of roles, and they both seemed geniunely interested in how things were going with everything wedding related. Then they just sort of phased out. They’ve both eben kind of flaky our whole lives, but I thought they’ could pull it together for this.
A also have a large extended family that is catholic and I suspect the the seemingly high percentage of declines on my side is due to the fact that we a)had a baby before getting married and b) are “already married” so whats the point of a reception… more lame excuses came today. My favorite aunt, my god father… all these people I see traveling for leisure on facebook and suddenly they can’t get away from work or whatever. blah.
thanks ladies for the encouragement! I need to get better at choosing who and what will bother me I suppose…