(Closed) Need to get this off my chest- MARRIAGE

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@NekoKitten:  You can all do what you want. I don’t know any of you so while you think you’d be turning on me, you’d be wasting your time because the number of shits I have to give is….none. Y’all aren’t that important to me. In fact, you’re not important at all. LOL

Post # 48
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

@DJones69:  I belive you are religious? Jesus sees you Miss Jones. He sees the way you treat people and belittle them, he sees your lack of tolerance, he sees the cold in your heart.

Post # 49
Member
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@NekoKitten:  Then He’ll deal with me… won’t He? That means I don’t need your approval for anything.

Post # 50
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@NekoKitten:  Well I’m glad God will see it because the moderators on this site sure as hell don’t.

Post # 51
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@nambi_pambi:  Did I take your original post in this thread the wrong way? I totally took it as “sometimes traditions change”, and applying it to this situation, “maybe you need to change this tradition if it’s making you unhappy.”, but it seems that other people took you as either telling the OP to keep her mouth shut and just do as her husband said, or that you were comparing living with family to being an obidiant housewife.

I’m not asking to pick a fight, not at all. I’m simply confused because tone is sometimes hard to determine over the internet. It just sounded more like what I originally thought, and just want clarification. Thanks! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

OP: My advice is this – even though you can afford the luxury cars, and any other luxuries you have right now, understand that once you’re supporting your own household, your funds are going to be tied up in your house. I assume, from the way you said “own 3 luxury cars” that these are not leases and are fully paid off, so my advice is based off this assumption. Sell at least one luxury car, and pocket that money. No reason to be paying insurance on a car that you don’t need. The other two, sure you could trade in, but trade-in values for cars aren’t really worth it if you’re paid up on it (unless you want a new car, that is). So keep the two other cars. Use whatever money you can afford to spend to find a house. Personally I would be so eager to get out of the house that I would RENT a place until I found a place to buy. Yes, renting can be seen as throwing away your money, but for the peace and privacy it would bring me, it would be worth it.

Also, home buying can take a long time depending on the market where you live, so the sooner you can get out and on your own, the sooner you’ll start feeling better. You know that those material things aren’t making you happy, so to me, trading those luxuries for the luxury of being able to live on my own would be well worth it. Best of luck to you, your husband, and your daughter!

Post # 52
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I was quite miserable for about two years of my life. My father decided to start housing any randoms that needed a home. The gesture was nice enough at first, but then he would have people living out of wardrobes, five people to a room…there was no privacy anywhere. At one time, there were 23 people in living in the house, no word of a lie. I couldn’t breathe because there was so many people in the house. My husband (boyfriend at the time) and I moved out seven months into the relationship. We did have to live in shared accommodation for three years. I feel at peace right now. We live with two other people – my brother in law and a friend of ours.

It’s more than likely just no privacy. I’m sorry you’re living like that. Hopefully you can move out soon.

Post # 53
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@MeghanFly: I was sorta playing the Devils Advocate, and I wanted to point out the fact that “norms” are changing all the time, and sometimes that’s for the best. In this case, it sounded to me like the “norm” of living with her hubby’s family even though they can afford to be on their own, was making her miserable, and the solution was obvious to me that she needed to make a move to try to keep herself and her family happy even if it ruffled some feathers, and nobody was saying it. I sometimes feel like some old school traditional norms leave the wife at a disadvantage, or take away her power, like she doesn’t have the right to do what she’s gotta do to make herself happy, and this really bothers me. Of course that’s my opinion, of which I am entitled. I certainly don’t believe that any woman should EVER shut up and do as her husband says. Some individuals took it wrong and hopped on a bit of a crazy train about how “intolerant” I am, (which could not be further from the truth) but it’s the internet, and people on the internet sometimes do things like that. Then I just go make out with my bi-racial Fiance, and text my muslim-sudanese bestie, and high five my super gay brother and laugh about silly people on the interwebs.

Thanks for reading what I put on there as it was intended ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 54
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

@DJones69:  Oh he’ll deal with you, but it’s our job to tell you that you’re swaying from the path. I hope you fear for your soul, because you should do.

Post # 55
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

@FleeSircus:  I know, it’s sad really ๐Ÿ™ There shouldn’t be space for such “ladies” on this forum.

Post # 56
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@SX2013:  I think that you need to talk to your husband about it.  It sounds like you love him and your daughter but it’s the living accomodation (as such) which is getting to you.

Cultural norms are fine but you need something that works for you and your little family unit and if you feel so miserable, your current situation clearly isn’t working.  Would it be an option to rent somewhere short term for the 3 of you to see how you feel then?

Personally i like my space, i grew up with just my mum, dad and me in a house so for me, sharing my space with anyone is kind of a big thing.  Dh grew up in a big family and the lack of space never really bothered him, in fact his sister wanted to come and stay with us just before our 1st daughter was born which he didnt have a problem with, i however, said no, because as far as i’m concerned our house is our space for our little family unit and i want to be able to walk around naked when i get out of the shower, dance like a mad woman if the fancy takes me and be as noisy as i want to with our 2 daughters without having to take anyone else into consideration!  

I also suspect that in your situation your daughter is kind of brought up by the whole family?  this would be too much for me too, again for me, i have boundaries, family are welcome (encouraged) to spend time with my kids but at the end of the day, we are their parents and we have the final say on what the house rules are, we feed them, bathe them and generally take care of all of their other needs when we’re not guests in someone elses house.  I know from other family members that these boundaries are kind of blurred when there’s more than the ‘traditional’ mum, dad and kids living in a house together and Mum and dad become more of a kind of big brother and sister as the grandma’s and older relatives have a tendancy to take over a bit….

Post # 57
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@nambi_pambi:  Alright, so I’m not insane. Phew. I really thought my interwebs reading skills had seriously deminished! Thanks for taking the time to explain it out. Sorry to make you write out what what intended to be a few lines. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 58
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

OP, take care of this depression and unhappiness, b/c these have lasting effects. Personally, if I was not able to move out right away (which I would most likely do), I would at least make a very clear plan and stick to it. Sometimes that is enough– you know, Keep your eyes on the Prize, type of thing.

Decide on how much you need to save each month to get that down payment. Make a detailed list of anything else you need to take care of. Check the list.

Go to a spa to get away from the family.

Sell one of those cars at LEAST. Put that money into the downpayment fund and I bet some of your stress will instantly disappear b/c you’ll see that you are even that itty bit closer to your PRIZE! ๐Ÿ˜€

The topic ‘Need to get this off my chest- MARRIAGE’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors