Need to have an important talk with fiance

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I hate being in the military, and I’m in the “Chair Force.” I feel exactly like he does, and I’m not deployed. Military life is hard, but it looks pretty cozy from the outside. That said, most of my colleagues in my career field got out without degrees and are making $70-80k and a lot of them went to live in GA which has a very low cost of living so that salary is plenty. You could encourage him to join the guard or reserves so that he only has to play military once a month but still keep the benefits and possibly even go to school without touching his GI bill. He could use post-9/11 which pays for tuition and provides a monthly housing allowance for theee years if you really want him to get a degree. Everyone I know that has gotten out is busting down doors that they never would have gotten the opportunity to while active duty. It’s crazy how much they have risen up, especially since my career field is already pretty lucrative to start. Instead of trying to convince him to stay in, encourage him to make a LinkedIn account to network with other military members because there are a lot of vets in recruiting positions that actively seek other vets. Research mechanic civilian mechanic positions and what is needed to move into a management position. It’s pretty easy to use military hours to get a PMP cert to move into project management roles. I’m not army, but the Air Force offers tuition assistance for quite a few certs so the army probably does the same. If he’s into computers at all, encourage him to get a basic SEC+ cert to get a help desk job. There are plenty of Entry IT jobs that will accept certs instead of degrees and he can move up from. 

 

Like I said, I absolutely hate being in the military because there are a lot of mental hoops that we have to go through that civilians don’t. And if he’s having a rough time with deployments he could develop PTSD and you could actually lose him for good if it progresses too far so it’s in your best interest to look for employment alternatives instead of it really developing into a serious situation. In the military there is a bunch of pressure to re-enlist and superiors use scare tactics all the time about the outside world so I’m not sure if he needs added pressure from you to stay in. He’s most likely getting it at work so he probably just needs someone to help him develop a plan to smoothly transition into civilian life. 

Post # 32
Member
23 posts
Newbee

And I think this conversation should wait until he gets back and is well rested. He has until 2020. It can wait.

Post # 34
Member
777 posts
Busy bee

 

This is an easily transferable career. You can encourage him that when he comes back then he should look for mechanic work. When he can see what others have to offer vs. the Army, it will help him decide.

Also, he can move to the Army Reserves where he is not deployed against his wishes. Similarly, he can speak with the Army career counselors to see what his options are if he’s getting sick of his current trade.

Post # 35
Member
1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

As another little side note, maybe suggest counseling after he returns?  If he’s willing, that could really take a load off of his mind.  Often times guys “hate” something but really they just don’t know how to process their emotions super well, or there may be underlying things that are bothering him and he’s just pointing the finger at something unrelated.  I think a lot of 20-something guys who have a tendency to be “lazy” are sometimes just really scared of going after success, especially if there’s any kind of pressure to do well (i.e., support a wife, live up to family expectations, etc).  The fear of failure is a REALLY big thing for some guys, and so they resolve subconsciously to just not try anything at all and slip through life with minimal effort.  Just an alternate idea. =)

Post # 36
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

With 2 years left.. can the Army cover some classes so that he can finish his degree on their dime? This might require him to re-enlist, but with a complete degree, he could move on into the officer club.

Post # 38
Member
2458 posts
Buzzing bee

IF he wants to go back to college, he might want to look into whether he could pick up any credits by exam (CLEP) as well as getting college credits for work/life experience.  

But I’d also say there’s a bunch of vocational options available to him where his current skill-set should be transferrable.  

I mean this kindly… but I would also think long and hard before marrying or having children with someone who seems to have the motivation problems you’ve described.  It sounds like you think the artificial disciplined environment of the military is the only thingk keeping him from sitting on the sofa all day watching TV and eating snacks.  Do you think he’ll be able to find motivation to do thinks like change diapers and mow the yard?

Post # 39
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

megm1099 :  The hesitation is something to discuss in counseling… It sounded like you were interested in him going back to school when he was out of the Army, so worst case, you’re still paying out of pocket in both situations.

Motivating men is near impossible. They have to find what motivates them on their own and then act on it. Talk about the budget! Talk about upcoming expenses and where you need to cut back to make ends meet with your current income. Don’t freak out on him if you can’t afford something, but if he sees that your current income potential is not affording your desired lifestyle, maybe he’ll be interested in helping out some.

ETA, PP mentioned CLEP! I was clepping out of classes left and right while I was in high school… that saved me an entire semester of core classes πŸ˜€

 

Post # 42
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

If he’s good at maths and he’s a mechanic, he probably has a “logical” mind – so what about a career in software development? Good potential money and you can be entry-level ready with about a year of study. 

Post # 44
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I wonder if he’s miserable being away from you, and it’s not really necessarily the job itself that he hates. I think if he was doing the exact same job, with the exact same people and circumstances, but he commuted to work from home every day, he might not hate it at all. Just my opinion, I think that it more than likely has to do with how far away he is. I hope that he finds some peace about it, because it sucks to hate your job. 

Post # 45
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

megm1099 :  Another vote for software engineering (or a lighter version of coding). Fiance works in tech, and one of his longtime friend and a coworker pulls in about $250k a year (total comp with base salary, bonus, and stock) and he’s 31 years old with no college degree. He joined the Marine’s after high school and after being deployed here and there (I don’t know the full details) before coming back to the civilian life. I also don’t know if it’s regional but where I live, tech jobs are so high in demand, and it’s typical for entry level jobs to offer six figure salary. If your Fiance is good with numbers I would totally consider πŸ™‚ Good luck bee! 

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