- 4 years ago
I have logged in anonomously. I haven’t posted for maybe near a year now but don’t want to be recognized on this. I just have to vent, not looking for advise as such as I am trying to do what I cqn about this situation.
2 months after we were married (in 2 weeks it will be one year) my HD became physically violent. Before we were married we lived together for about 20 months. There were some issues but NOT this!!! He might get emotional a few times, as in upset, cried but it was because I was thinking of postponing the wedding…..(money reasons) if only I’d known.
I have been in shock as of course it has become worse. we bought a house before we were married (we were building it). I paid a lot on the deposit as he didn’t have it. So all my money is tied up in it, not his and now I am unemployed.
This is awful, i am so trapped and he is truly scary. He goes away for days and i don’t want him to come back but he refuses to leave. this is crazy. tells me he can’t live without me etc etc. So won’t just leave and get a place.
Just 4 days ago, I fell asleep while watching TV. As I kind of woke up I thought he said something, so I asked if he did. He said ‘no’. So ok. Then he asked what I was dreaming about. i said that I didn’t as I remembered nothing. I wondered why he asked. he said because you asked if I just said something. I said I was half asleep and the TV was on, so might have thought you said something (you know when you are going off to sleep and wake with a little bit of a start). that was it. suddenly he jumps up, said I was probably dreaming something negative about him and won’t say. It wasn’t true, I wasn’t dreaming but before I could answer he started yelling and cussing. I said ‘this is wrong, it’s not true and you shouldn’t be treating me like this. I won’t put up with this behavior’. He flew at me, threw me back on to the bed, grabbing me by my hair screaming in my face. As I tried to get him off me and get on to my feet, he grabbed my legs and threw them so hard they flipped up in the air like a dolls! He pinned me down and kept throwing me around so much that the matress was quarter way off the base. I eventually got up got out the room and he came after me and rammed me into the wall, over the kitchen counter, threw me on the sofa. He called me a B****h etc. smashed his notebook on the floor and left saying a couple of vile things. I reported to the police but because he was gone, they left it. I also had no marks on me but he was very violent. It was worse than I can write about it above.
This is unbelievable…. he seems completely mentally unbalanced and truly a jeckyl and Hide. this all happened instantanous, like lighting a gas stove.
He is like the sweetest guy….thats how other people see him! including me before!!!!!!!!!
Just 2 days before this he was saying as he often does (with the most loving look on his face) ‘you are the most beautiful person, not just beautiful on the outside but truly beautiful inside’.
Other times he will do anything for me, though I am not demanding.
It is the fact that it is a complete 180 that is so frightening. One of his friends that we barely see but has known him for years (he doesn’t know how bad its been, just that he has been highly irritable…understatement I know but it is his friend even though my HD hasn’t been in touch with his friends!) he said that there were a couple of occassions where he got up and ‘took off’ for no apparent reason but apologized to him later. they just put it behind them.
My head is reeling. I have heard tell of men who are like this but I always thought there had to be signs, he has truly become this after we were married. I’ve never seen such viciousness on someones face and he is truly the mild mannered, opens car doors, helps old ladies type with his other face. I think maybe no one has seen this side of him.
I am seeing a psychologist but my situation is complicated because I don’t have a job and all my money is tied up in the house. I have no family here . None of my friends are in a place to help really and I try not to burden them (theres only a few and I find women dont want to get involved…I understand that). I know I have to get out myself but I have my back up against a wall (can’t really explain the predicament here but I am between a rock and a hard place… and still trying to process it all emotionally).
I guess just writing it and seeing the words in black and white help me a little.
I have talked to a