(Closed) Need to just 'talk' HD abusive omg

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
436 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like he is either an alcoholic, drug addict or simply has bipolar disorder (or some other clinical diagnosis). If you are not ready to leave (which I hope you are eventually able to do), PLEASE convince him to go see a Dr. as soon as possible!!! Catch him during a “sweet” moment, after one of these episodea has happened and he is feeling “remorseful”.

I say this because I had a friend who was engaged to man like this. He eventually got on medication, and was a whole new person. If he forgot to take it though, he would revert right back. So, I am NOT suggesting this is a “fix” for your relationship, but ONLY something to help get you through until you are able to leave.

Post # 17
Member
1771 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I have shivers writing this. Please run, my love- run away. go home to your parents, ask them to help you with the house, and ask for a divorce. Love should not hurt- Please go!

Post # 18
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Oh hunny 🙁

I am so sorry this happened to you, I can’t imagine how scary that had to have been. Do whatever you have to, get out! Talk to your doctor and they can give you some resources.

Post # 19
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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anonami:  Get out now. There are resources and shelters that exist purely for women in your situation who don’t have the financial means to leave and live independently. You need financial and emotional support as well as help dealing with the legal issues of getting him out of your house, organising restraining orders etc. My ex-boyfriend was similar – the nicest guy ever sometimes and abusive all of a sudden – and I gave it three years and nothing changed except my self-esteem and wellbeing. You need to look after yourself.

Post # 20
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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anonami:  OP please please go now! Don’t worry about the practical concerns, those will be sorted out later. My good friend left her husband with nothing but the clothes on her back. She got to live in a secured apartment for 6 months FOR FREE while she sorted out getting a divorce and finding employment.  

Post # 21
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
anonami:  OUT! GET OUT! Screw money screw debt screw the house. Screw your things and leave! You can buy new things. You cannot buy a new life. Stay with a family member or friend and get a restraining order. File for divorce. If need be stay at a battered womens shelter. I speak from experience and from seeing a dear friend go through this. ( hers escalated to where he held a gun to her head.) And trust me is will only get worse!! It always always gets worse! Obviously those **** pigs of police won’t help you so leave. Now! Good luck. My prayers will be with you. 

Post # 22
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He will probably kill you if you stay. He may try to kill you if you leave. Make sure he does not know where you are. Like PPs have said, get to a safe space and work from there. Please. 

Post # 23
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee

Get out, and make sure he does not know where you are or where you are going, or that you are planning on leaving.  Get in contact with a shelter or a battered women’s counselor, they can help you through this process.  A local university or college will probably have the resources to put you in touch with someone, if you aren’t comfortable going through the police.

Post # 24
Member
2296 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

change the locks, get a restraining order and if he has to come back to get things from the house before he leaves, have a relative, friend or police officer there to supervise. change your phone number, block his email, facebook etc. 

this man will NOT stop being violent and you need to be safe.

Post # 25
Member
1937 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I know there may be unsaid reasons for staying, but whatever they are they can’t be more important than your health and life. Run away where he can’t find you and look into some sort of women’s shelter or lawyer that can help protect you legally. If this was happening to your sister, would you tell her to leave?

Post # 26
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
anonami:  Get out. Go back home to family, ask to stay with friends or go to a shelter if need be.  Don’t let him know where you are. Your life is in danger.

if you truly feel his personality has changed (and not that he was merely hiding this side of himself) demand he get a full medical and psychological evaluation after you’ve left.   Maybe there’s something wrong.  if he won’t, or if you think he’s just abusive then contact an attorney and file for divorce.  Contact a battered women’s helpline and see what resources are available to you.  In the meantime, appease him. If he seems to be getting angry, apologize, don’t challenge him, do whatever you need to do to try to keep him calm.

Post # 27
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
anonami:  

I know it will be super hard and so unfair that you will lose your money/assets… But think – next time he might kill you.

Post # 28
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
anonami:  “Just 2 days before this he was saying as he often does (with the most loving look on his face) ‘you are the most beautiful person, not just beautiful on the outside but truly beautiful inside’.”

This is what we call the cycle of abuse. Abusers will often be sweet and loving to keep you staying around and thinking that they will stop their abusive behavior. Then, with a moment’s notice, they can snap and start to abuse you again. This man does not love you, he is trying to control you.  

Can you get a job so you can start saving money to leave? Have you told your therapist about the abuse?

Post # 29
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Run!  His behavior is typical of abusers.

As for the house, the courts can settle that later.  Right now, your concern is to get yourself to safety.

Post # 30
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You need to get out.  You need a plan.  The National Domestic Abuse Hotline (contact info below) will help you come up with a safe exit strategy.  You already recognize that he is abusive… and it won’t get better.  

1-800-799-7233 (SAFE), or visit http://www.thehotline.org/help/path-to-safety/

CALL THEM NOW.

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