(Closed) Need to just 'talk' HD abusive omg

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
2152 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Please look up a shelter!! <br /><br />Don’t be worried about living conditions there – I used to work in a safehouse for domestic violence.  The women had their own private rooms with their own private bathroom, better than most hotels.  They could stay there for up to thirty days and there are counsellors there that you meet with, and they help you a) find a new place to stay and b) find a new job, as well as set up a support network for you. <br /><br />You’ve already taken a huge step in realizing this is a problem!  Please stay safe!

Post # 32
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

 

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anonami:  Do not leave right now. The most dangerous time is when you leave. You can’t leave without a plan. Please, please contact a domestic abuse hotline and talk to a professional. They will help you come up with a well thought out plan. They will get you in touch with the resources you need to perhaps get money for the house and a divorce lawyer. Like PP mentioned, document everything (even past events). Every mean word, every fight, every time he throws something.

Good Luck, you can do this!

Post # 32
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

 

anonami: Do not leave right now. The most dangerous time is when you leave. You can’t leave without a plan. Please, please contact a domestic abuse hotline and talk to a professional. They will help you come up with a well thought out plan. They will get you in touch with the resources you need to perhaps get money for the house and a divorce lawyer. Like PP mentioned, document everything (even past events). Every mean word, every fight, every time he throws something.

Good Luck, you can do this!

Post # 34
Member
46 posts
Newbee

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anonami:  I am so sorry to hear what has happened. I work as an advocate for victims of domestic violence, and I really have to express my concern for your safety based on what you have described. You are certainly not alone in this – it is quite common for abusers to wait until the wedding when they have “secured” their victim and then turn into someone else almost overnight. There is likely nothing you could have done to foresee this happening, so please don’t blame yourself. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

You’ve already received some helpful advice in this thread, but I do want to mention that you know your situation better than anyone here, so trust your instincts – if doing something like keeping a record of incidents may put you in danger (perhaps he looks through your belongings and could find it), please don’t do it. Your safety is the most important thing right now, and staying safe looks a little different for everyone.

If you’d like to talk privately about what has been going on with someone trained in these issues, please please send me a PM. If you are not yet ready to entertain the idea of leaving, we could do some safety planning in the meantime to help protect you during a future incident if it escalates, which, based on my experience, seems likely now that he has physically harmed you once. I have done this safety planning with a number of bees in the past. I can also help connect you with local resources in your area that may be useful if you do decide that it is time to go and are not sure what to do next.

Please know that I am here to support you no matter what decision you make. 

Post # 35
Member
3083 posts
Sugar bee

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anonami:  Grab your shit and get out as soon as he leaves. if friends cant help (which it doesnt sound like you have even asked them, i would rather be put out and have a “burden” than go to my friends funeral.

You dont have family close by – could they help you fly/catch a bus to them?

There are women shelters all over – please ask the police for references for a safe place to stay.

This doesnt sound safe. You dont want to be there – it is easier to leave than you think.

Post # 36
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee

You need to leave the house as soon as you can.  If you cannot do this then you need to change the locks and make sure that you have friends and family staying.

See a lawyer and find out what you can do about the house.  Get advice from women’s shelters and support organisations.

Make sure that you have support from friends and family.

Once you have done all this you will have time to deal with your emotions.

No woman deserves this type of treatment.  Real men are kind and loving. They do not physically attack their wives.

 

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