- Miss Iowa
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
Sigh. Where do I begin? I guess I mostly need reassurance that everything will be OK and that I am blowing this way out of proportion.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I am in a small residency program. Within the next 1.5 years, a third of my classmates will be planning weddings. One of these women, “Beth”, got engaged several weeks after I did. I was really excited, as our group knew it was coming and we all have had wedding fever. A couple of weeks ago Beth unexpectedly called me while we were at work (we were at different clinics that day) asking me where I had bought my wedding gown and what the brand name and style number were. She said she had overseen me showing the dress on the computer to two of my OTHER residents a few days before, had loved it, and had been describing it to our program director. She said she was calling because after describing it and how beautiful it was our program director was dying to see photos.
I found this irritating, but didn’t want to be weird, rude, etc, so I told her the information so they could look at it online. I was sort of upset that I felt like I couldn’t show people at my own discretion, and also, because I hadn’t planned on showing very many people, as most of my program will be invited to the wedding. I felt really childish that this bothered me, but I also felt kind of hurt that Beth was showing people my dress when I wasn’t even there.
Fast forward 2 days-
All of the residents in my program were having a group meeting. Shortly before we got started, Beth asked/told me in front of the rest of my co-residents “I think I am going to get the same dress as you….but in white, not ivory. I just love it, and I have looked at hundreds of dresses online and it is the only dress I have seen that I like. I hate everything else I have seen and I am just hoping it will be okay with you.”
And what did I say? Of course, the dumbest thing possible. “Uh, yeah. Sure, that would probably be okay.”
Why did I say this? Ok? Of course it is not ok! We are in the same residency-of 10 people! We have the same classmates, co-workers, and faculty. I think I was just dazed that she would even ask something this absurd. In my mind I was thinking “this is going to be so weird, to have her wear the same dress as me within 6 months of me wearing it.”
And then she continued-She has now changed her original plans, and will be moving her wedding date to this summer….so she will be getting married BEFORE me.
I am crushed.
For starters, as most women on this site can attest, finding a dress is a very personal experience. It is a big day in our lives, and one we put so much effort in to making a special celebration for our friends and family. For me, I wanted something that I felt really represented my own personal style, and finding my dress took a long time. I am afraid now that Beth is going to have the same dress when it comes to my wedding day I am going to feel really un-attractive and un-unique knowing I am wearing a ‘used’ dress. Maybe this makes no sense, but I just couldn’t believe that Beth hadn’t even tried any dresses on yet, and was already claiming she only liked the one I found. I also feel sort of betrayed. Looking back, it seems like Beth maybe lied about my program director wanting to see my dress-and I don’t like having these feelings.
What would you do if you were in this situation? Find a new dress? Not worry about it?