- 5 years ago
I understand no one probably wants to read this and it’s going to be kind of long, but I need to vent about something that happened today (and yesterday).
My SO and I have been talking to his roommate and GF about them coming on a visit to where I’m currently living over roommate’s fall break (he’s a teacher). It would be a fun weekend that we could do couple things, but could also do things without the other couple. The place where I live is a city that many people come to visit every year as tourists and I know roommate would love it. It also would not be that expensive as I would be providing a place for them to sleep (a separate room) and transportation. They would only need to pay for fun activities and meals they want to eat out (they eat out every meal at home anyway because neither of them cooks).
We’ve been discussing it for months now, but last night they finally confirmed that they would for sure come to SO. When he came home from work tonight, his roommate suddenly told him that GF could not afford to come (I call BS!) even though she was there last night and they both told him they were coming and discussed when they should get the plane tickets. SO said that roommate seemed genuinely upset about not being able to go and actually said he would be ok with going without GF. I’m ok with this plan, but we had planned on it being a couples’ weekend and SO would rather it just be the two of us than have roommate and another friend of his come instead.
Now, roommate and GF have been dating for less than a year, but are planning to get engaged very soon and need to save for their wedding (they’re not even engaged yet), but it really hurt my feelings that they would finally agree to come and then cancel like that in less than 24 hours. SO and I are very understanding and are perfectly ok with them not coming, we just wanted an honest answer.
My main problem is that since roommate and GF have been dating, he’s been expected to spend all of his time with her and her friends (he was always very independent and always in charge of what he did and didn’t do before) and no time with his own friends so he barely hangs out with SO even though they live together. SO and I are long distance, but we always try to invite them to do something with us when I come to visit (and not expensive things since we have less money than they do) since I am also friends with roommate, and they usually blow us off even if we try to make the plans far in advance. I think we’ve been to dinner with them twice in the yearish since roommate met her. Other times that I’m there, they just hang out in roommate’s room with the door closed.
Do I have a right to feel as upset as I do about being blown off? Roommate has told SO before that GF is very needy and jealous so I wonder if she thinks I’m a threat to her? I’m not because I’ve been with SO over 4 years and I actually met him and roommate the same night so it’s not like I couldn’t have made a play for him if I had wanted to. I also wonder if maybe she just doesn’t like me for some reason. I don’t really know her at all so I’m not sure what I could have done to make her dislike me and we seemed to get along well the couple times we hung out with them. I don’t know if we should even pursue this friendship, but I’d hate for SO and roommate to lose the friendship they’ve had since college just because of some girl. Is there something we should be doing differently? I feel like we should just stop associating with them as much as possible since SO and roommate will be moving to separate places in a few months (so that roommate and GF can have their own place after they get married) especially if he really marries her.
Additional note: We had planned to invite them on a day trip toward the end of summer which would be very cheap, but fun and have now decided that we will not do that since they don’t seem to want to spend time with us. He says we should wait and see if they invite us to do something, but I know they won’t because she doesn’t want to. He also said we should see if they go on a trip with her friends instead since they never blow them off and have gone on short trips multiple times recently.
I hope this doesn’t sound too stupid. I’m not that good at making a lot of friends. I have a few very close friends that I am willing to do anything for that are mostly men. Thanks to anyone who read the entire thing and anyone who comments! I really love these forums!