(Closed) Need to vent about my irrational worries

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow! I totally see your problem. You are at a time in your life where you make lots of big decisions and you have no idea how things will turn out, and now you had these relationship issues on top of all that. 

Okay… I would say, first, that you don’t know exactly what HE feels like or wants. I mean I totally understand why you think he will want to stay in his house and close to his family, but you don’t actually know how he really feels about all that. Maybe what seems like paradise to you is too comfortable and not “his” enough for him. I mean like everyone can interfer in his life, tell him what to do, etc. Did he pay for the house himself? Did his parents give him the house? You don’t know if he feels that he owes them something all the time, etc. It is all hypothesis, of course, but you never know.

Maybe he would be happy to try something on his own with someone equal to him for once. You have a lot to offer! You are starting a business, which is a nice challenge, you two plan to live together, which is quite an adventure, and very exciting, and that would be a new city for him. It does compare to what he has – or what you think he has – back home. 

And really, if he changes his mind and wants to stay close to his parents… well even if you moved to his city be with him… I don’t know, but you deserve better than a guy who would chose his parents over you, especially after having convinced you that he would go with you!

You know, we make all kinds of decisions, especially in our 20s, and we always worry sooo much about making the right decision. But the only thing you can do is analyse what the variables are at the time, make your decision based on those, and see what happens. If it doesn’t work exactly as you planned, you will always know that at the time, it was the right decision 🙂 Then you can make adjustements as necessary. But it won’t be your fault if things don’t turn out the way you planned. You did think things over, you did ask the right questions, you did everything you could do. I say if you would really like to start that business and he is telling you he will go with you, why not? If he changes his mind, it won’t be your fault, you won’t be a fool for having believed him, because why wouldn’t you believe him? I would believe him and try. There is no point of planning an alternative once you’ve made your decision, since you have no idea how things will turn out!

Post # 4
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Have you considered moving to him?

He seems to be more established, owns a home there, has all his family + friends there, etc.

My current relationship isn’t a LDR, but my past one was and I was planning to move to him for just that reason. He was more established and it would just have been easier for me to move to him.

I’m sure you have family and friends that you love in St. Louis and obviously a business that you are planning to take over, but honestly, ask yourself which would be easier/make you both happier in the long run. 

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