- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
He keeps saying he doesn’t scream he said we can talk about it when we sign up for therapy. F that. If I can’t talk to my partner and he wants to do me like this so be it asshole
Not that you deserve to be screamed at, but you did go on his phone and delete something off it. It sounds as though you’re both acting immature.
You don’t deserve to be screamed at for anything. If he’s upset, he can talk to you like a rational respectful person.
Just to make this clear… this was your husband, correct?
A raised voice is an indication of anger and hostility. Regardless of whether or not what you did is acceptable (and I’m not going to say anything about that) yelling at you anywhere is a sign of aggression. Not cool. Ever.
Yes hhubs thanks for letting me vent he apologized
i a shouldn’t have deleted it but I can’t stand being screamed at I don’t appreciate it at all
Hmm…how to answer this… Part of me just wants to say grow the eff up to the both of you yet I also feel like I should state briefly that although his screaming was perhaps not timed appropriately that you deserved it in a sense.
You found this video on his phone. A video you were not aware of it until you snooped around and found it. I’m assuming you made him aware of the horrid photos you took of him and honorably removed the offending materials when he asked you to. Bravo.
In this recent incident however, you, without asking or giving him the opportunity to delete the offending material took it upon yourself to discard of it without his permission or knowledge. I can understand why he’d be a little hot under the collar. You snooped, you judged and you then destroyed all without consent
I mean, for all you know, he thinks you’re cute when you snore.
Um he really shouldn’t have been taking video of you sleeping and not telling you about it. It was a video of YOU taken without your permission. He definitely overreacted and SHOULD NOT have screamed at you. I can see him being annoyed that you deleted it without talking to him about it but he needs to chill. You guys are supposed to be on the same team, right? If he is upset with you he should be talking to you in private, not yelling and screaming in a public place.
Repeat: your husband should NOT be screaming at you. Your fights, discussions, etc. should not be happening in front of your friends. Regardless of the incident that starts the fight, there is no excuse for either of you to be yelling at each other.
That’s really inappropriate for him to scream at you regardless of what you did (which, of couse, I don’t think that what you did was uncalled for at all). Raising your voice at someone in that way is abusive and meant to scare you. I’m just saying this from experience with abusive people myself, its just not okay to yell like that at someone…
I sounds like BOTH of you need to work on communication. If he does something that bothers you, you need to calmly explain why and let him fix it rather than just going behind his back. He should also express himself in a way that doesn’t make you uncomfortable. He clearly has different standards for communication than you do. So you rather than approaching it as his communication style (yelling) begin wrong, you should focus on how it makes you feel. For example, “I know you didn’t mean it like that, but when you did X, I felt Y”. Another thing you can do is refuse to engage when he’s yelling. Just tell him that you’ll talk about it when he can talk calmly and then walk away.
ETA: Not to get off-topic, but I wanted to provide another point of view. Yelling != abuse. Some people just have that kind of communication style and it doesn’t make them bad or abusive people. Since yelling makes you uncomfortable, you should work with your husband to learn to communicate differently, but the fact that he gets upset and yells doesn’t make him a bad guy.
Wow, yelling is so disrespectful. This is your partner, not a stranger. He should not be yelling at you. Maybe you should have asked him if you could delete it before you did, but he had no right to yell at you. You guys need to work on communication for sure.
edited because i thought you said your friend yelled at you, not your husband. Totally not cool. You definitely should have asked before you deleted it because that would upset me too but his response is totally not okay, especially given that it was in public! How embarassing for the both of you! Not that yelling is okay behind closed doors, but my word, if he’s going to yell at you in public, what is he going to do behind closed doors?!
The yelling is worrisome, but what worries me more is his comment that that’s his family and you don’t compare? WHAT?? UM, excuse me, you ARE his family now. His circle should be you and him smack dab in the middle with no one else before you. I would seriously reconsider this marriage if I were you.
I would disagree with the sentiment that you could deserve to be yelled at. Even if he became upset or angry, there is no reason a person cannot say, “I’m feeling upset right now because you just deleted that video and I really wanted to keep it” in a calm voice. I’m curious why you don’t want to go to therapy with him to discuss it?
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