(Closed) Need to vent—-FILs not paying but they want to invite MORE people

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 15
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Oooh but this would NOT fly with me.  I don’t have a backbone when it comes to standing up for myself but in some cases I do.. this would be one of them!

I’m sorry.. you’re only wanting to pay for the dinner? Well.. treat your 60-70 FRIENDS to dinner then, leave my wedding out of it!

I am DIY everything except my wedding cake and booze so there is nothing being added or changing unless I say so.  Luckily my parents could care less of what I do because they know how picky I am and know that we are on a budget and offered to help (they’re buying my cake) and my fiance parents offered to help (his groomscake and the booze) everything else I am doing myself.

Very rude of that lady to even ask this since the RSVPs were already sent out and guest list was done.  haha

Just keep your head up and keep saying NO

Post # 16
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

OP, good for you!! You are totally in the right. If she continues to bring it up, I would have your Fiance talk to her or do as a PP suggested and tell her she can pay the $160 per each additional guest. That’ll shut her up!

Post # 17
45 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had this same thing happen….MY FIL’S arent even paying for the rehearsal dinner, they are giving absolutely nothing. So when they wanted to start inviting all of these extra people that me nor my future hubby have ever met, I put a stop to it….I just said to them that unfortunetly we are on a strick budget, and I would love for their friends to be able to attend, but unfortunetly I just can not afford it, so they were more then welcomed to pay for their guest and for the additional table flowers….They havent bugged me about it since…..Suddenly when its their money being used, those friends arent as important anymore 🙂

Post # 18
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am sorry you had to go through it.

Here’s what I would do. 

I don’t know how packed your guestlist already is.  If you have pretty much invited all your close friends and just waiting RSVP from family / family friends and stuff…

Tell your INLAWS their new 30 invites can wait in the B-list.  If there indeed people not coming, then the seats will be freed up to them.  (But i would only do it IF your side of guests are filled up first.  If you have a long B-list from your side, I will let them in first since your parents are paying)

How’s the venue holding up?  if you already maxed out capacity,  then there isn’t much you can do anyway.

If the venue has space, then tell the INLAWS you guys can’t afford the extra 30 people and if the INLAWS really want them to come, maybe they can contribute to pay for those 30 people?

I think that’s fair. 🙂  After all it’s your parents money, I don’t think anyone should be demanding guest to be invited if they are not footing the bill. 

Post # 19
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@julie0915:  FIL’s arent paying for anything either. Only there own travel and hotel room. They cant even put up Fiance the night before the wedding.

Post # 20
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You’re better than I am.  I’m funding this whole thing so the FIL’s do not get a guest list.  AT ALL.  With all of the shenanigans they’ve pulled over the last year (read my previous posts), the only reason they’re even invited is because they’re his parents. They have not contributed a dime in fact they still owe me $1100 from when we cancelled our destination wedding. I don’t give a flying fig about their friends, about people Future Mother-In-Law knows from church, relatives from other countries that my Fiance has NEVER met, whomever.  If we don’t know them, they do not get an invitation, period.  I refuse to have us both say to people “Nice to meet you” on our wedding day.  Get the heck out of here with that nonsense.  Tell them no, it’s not in your budget and move on.

Post # 22
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@abeenonymous:  I went through the exact same thing.  Future In-Laws had sooo many people they wanted to invite, and to make it worse, they weren’t even going to ask me or my parents if it was OK to invite X amount of people – they just thought they could invite whoever they wanted, and they aren’t paying!

FH just told his mom that she had way too many people, and needed to make cuts.  She claimed that ‘a lot’ of her guests wouldn’t come (which was true) but STILL she had too many people.  He just told them that they would have to pay if they wanted these extra people.  That shut them up pretty fast.  The NERVE!  Future Mother-In-Law still makes comments to me about how ‘I had to cut my guest list in half’ as if we should just pay for whatever random people she wants to invite!  Even after that I think she thought my parents were inviting a ton of people (no) and ordered us WAY too many invites after I had told her how many to order.  Now I get blamed for the extra $400 she spent on the extra invites we didn’t need.

Good for you to hold your ground – I’m glad that we did.

Post # 23
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Other than continuing to tell them no the only thing I can suggest is telling them you will invite the extra friends if they give the extra (insert x amount of dollars) for food costs. For instance an average caterer in my area costs $20 a head. So 30 people would mean an extra $600 in food. If these were my in laws I’d state the extra food would cost me roughly $1,000 dollars and if they want their friends there they would have to pay that in advance before any invitations go out and any changes would be made.

Post # 26
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@abeenonymous:  I had this happen too! We had to call FI’s dad and tell him flat out ‘No. We’re inviting who we want, anyone else will not be let in’  and some people I sent invites with RSVP cards to one person only or specific names to prevent them from saying they misunderstood.  We stepped on toes and people got mad at us (some even ranted on FB! so hilariously childish…) but we don’t care, they’ll get over it or they won’t and since we barely know those people we certainely don’t mind if they ostricize us. 

Post # 27
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013


Well that’s kind of the point though, right? You are spending a lot on each guest without their aid so there is no way in hell an extra 30 guest could, should, or would fly unless they fork over that cash.
They’re guests are on the list so you’ve already gone out of your way physically and financially to be courteous.
What they are doing is disrespectful and honestly I don’t know how you have lost your calm. I would have already yelled, kicked, screamed and threatened to remove the few friends, I graciously offered to invite and pay for, off the list.

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