(Closed) Need to vent (First post)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Can you move to the area he will be and start your career there. It seems like if he is starting his residency it would be a terrible time for an engagement. I think if you want to make it work and since you have so much time invested in the relationship that’s what I would do. It could be tough but you would be new to the area together and would prevent a long distance relationship which would be hard in a different way. As for why he hasn’t proposed it may be that he has a timeline for that after he is finished. Maybe you could get him to discuss the timing with you.

Post # 5
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Sweetheartchic:  Did you express your feelings to him in the way you just did to us? It sounds like he needs to hear it. I think he needs a push in the right direction.

I really think that by now he knows if he wants to spend forever with you. If not, then that’s a problem. I don’t see how waiting a year or two would make him more certain or anything like that. If it’s only a money concern then he needs to make do. As you say, upgrading etc is always an option.

I don’t think you’re being manipulative or unreasonable.

Post # 6
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

edit – double post

Post # 8
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Sweetheartchic:  I know exactly what you’re going through. I’m premed right now and my bf of 5 years is in his masters with 1.5 years left. We also won’t live together unless we’re married, so our future living situation is very undecided. I personally feel that long distance relationships are very hard to maintain, and especially when you need to be with that person because you love them. 

I highly recommend having a serious discussion about a timeline for you two and including what will happen with the possibility of him moving away. Would you go live with him if you guys could be married? 

We still have these discussions since we want to keep staying on the same page about our future. It’s very difficult because it’s so unknown, but you MUST talk about it. I feel men don’t think as much about this stuff as women, idk maybe I’m just really meticulous, but I needed to really have a clear cut timeline with my guy so I wouldn’t feel that marriage is 10 years away, or that he would postpone an engagement.

Post # 10
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Sweetheartchic:  I understand. You’re right, you shouldn’t have to pressure him to do it, it should be done by his own choice. I’m sorry what I wrote was confusing, I meant that if he were to move far away for his residency, away from you I mean, that would result in long-distance. 

But this does sound sticky, however, I feel like if you are open about how you feel as you have been already, and have him be open as well he can realize the reality of the situation and how important it is to your future together. If without nagging and just talking he realizes this and decides to make a slight move toward proposing, then fantastic. But if you cannot live without him, are you willing to wait the two years he is saying he’ll ideally like to be married? Is he worth your waiting longer, and possibly being away from him for a year or so?

Post # 11
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think waiting will only make things stronger.  There is no reason to rush, other than if you want to have sex.  I waited 17 years to get married.  I wanted to be SURE and I am!  I get the whole living in sin thing, but it is sometimes good to live with someone before marrying them, whole different ballgame living with someone.  It is HARD!

Post # 12
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think if nothing happens by the beginning of the year, you should start making preparations for a life without him. Chances are, if he wants to be with you, that will light a fire under him. But if he doesn’t, at least you won’t just be adrift. I personally wouldn’t follow any man unless I knew for a fact he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. But the silver lining here is that, one way or another, in a year’s time you will have an answer.

But I will cross my fingers for you until that time.

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