- 10 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I know I’m going to get some “I told ya so” type of responses, but please bare with me.
*sigh* Here goes: So the apartment hunting is not going well. AT ALL. I think J finally realized that I was serious. We viewed a fantastic place this past Saturday, but we forgot to ask if they allow cats (I don’t go anywhere without my kitties!!). Anyhoo, we called and left a message. I had plans to go out that evening, so as I was getting ready to leave I asked J what he wanted to do if the landlord calls us back and says that cats are ok. He said that we could take the apartment if we wanted to. So I said: “Ok. But I have a couple of concerns: Can we afford this place? And also, I wanted to be engaged before we signed anything.”
His response shattered me and I’m now making plans that I never thought I’d have to make. He said: “Yes, we can afford it. And the other thing… It’s not gonna happen tomorrow. These things take time, and it’s gonna be a little while longer.” I’ve heard him say this before. The only difference NOW, is that he said it would be a little while longer. So I looked at him with a very disappointing face and left. Kinda slammed the door on the way out .
It was Saturday night when I realized that I was done. I’m done with hearing the excuses, ‘lines’, reasons, etc. I was SO SO SO naive. I’m done with feeling so exauhsted mentally, emotionally, and physically. I’m done with this being such a g*d damn struggle. It shouldn’t be this frustrating!! So now I’m making plans that I didn’t think I’d ever have to make. I’ll be having a ‘chat’ with him on Monday (after the easter weekend. I highly doubt anything will ‘happen’ while we’re visiting his parents for the weekend) and I plan on staying with my parents (for lack of anywhere else to go) for a few nights so that we can spend some time apart and think about what we want to do. I do not want to re-sign our current apartment lease without having a ring on my finger either. We have to have THAT lease in by August. And I’m not waiting that long. He first told me that we’d get engaged shortly after moving into our current place (didn’t happen). Then he said by January 2011 he’d have enough money for a ring. He told me this on two separate occassions (still no ring). The reason why I want to wait until AFTER the weekend is because I don’t want us to be dealing with a break-up over the holidays.
Sorry I didn’t take anyone’s advice on here. Guess you never really know someone eh? Please don’t say ‘I told ya so’, i’m extremely emotional right now, and yes… I know I should have known better. He knows I’m very upset with him right now and he’s trying to make things ‘right’ by cleaning and organizing our apartment. But that’s not going to fix the problem. I think J thinks that I’ll stick around forever, and that I’ll always buy into what he’s saying. There has been no proof of his progressing this relationship, other than him SAYING he is. But I need more than that and I’m tired.
On the bright side (yes, there’s a bright side to this depressing post, lol): I think if things don’t work out, I’m going to deal with this ok. Yes, I’ll be upset, of course I will. I love J. But this time I have a plan and lots of ways to keep busy and keep my mind off of things.
Any words of encouragement? Advice?