(Closed) Need to vent – people keep inviting themselves.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2634 posts
Sugar bee

Awwww, I kind of see where they are coming from to be honest.  They love you and want to share in your joy, please don’t fault them too much for that.

Post # 4
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think once you started making exceptions people are thinking it is a free for all, ask and you shall receive. It what you want is for it to be a small intimate affair keep it that way. don’t feel bad about saying no. I think to have some, but not all parents and siblings invited is not a good idea.

Post # 5
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Honestly, if I were in your shoes I would elope this weekend.  And you’d have exactly what you wanted.  I think that you and your FI should sit down and talk with everyone you have said could come so far and explain that you want to keep your wedding a very intimate affair and you are no longer comfortable with how many people will be there.  Set a limit on who will be coming and stick to it.  Uninvite anyone who invited themself.  I know how it is when all you want to do is please people, but at some point you cannot do that at the expense of yourself.

Post # 6
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you need to put your foot down and say no more, or you’ll end up with a lot of extra people there.  Eloping without telling anyone might also be an option.  Just let them know when you get back.  Yes, some people will be upset that they didn’t get to see you get married, but you’ll have the wedding you want.

Post # 7
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

People are probably confused because you are blurring the line between eloping and having a very small wedding. You need to decide now which one you are having. If you elope, do it with just the two of you, as MightySapphire suggested. Now, it sounds like you actually have gotten fairly excited about having a few of your very closest loved ones in attendance at your wedding, so you might consider that what you are interested in having could be a very small wedding. In that case, I would sit down with your Fiance and write down which people are so very close to you that you’d love to have them there, and see if the number you end up with is agreeable to both of you, and then invite those people to come. As I said, I think people are probably confused right now because you’ve been inviting people one-by-one, so they think they can probably get in just by asking. Do keep in mind that these folks love you and your Fiance and are interested in coming because of that love, it sounds, not like with some larger weddings where people invite themselves out of a rude desire to attend a fun party!

Post # 8
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

So why did you announce it to them?  Why not just elope? Sounds like that’s what you originally wanted.

Post # 9
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would be frusterated if I were you. But it’s hard to control who can/can’t come when it sounds like a lot of the invitations are verbal. It sets up a weird expectation for people when they aren’t really sure who is and who isn’t invited. Your family wants to celebrate with you, they obviously love you both a lot, but as it stands right now, it sounds like your family is left wondering “Why does so-and-so get to go, but not me?”

I think if you want your Dad and sister there, then the best bet is to say firmly immediate family only. No friends of parents, no plus ones for anyone. Parents, siblings. That’s it. And I would send out a small invite to them – formally – so that the expectation is set as to what you guys want to do.

Right now, it sounds like people are jumping in the clown car (pardon my example) because they don’t understand what your expectations are.

And I’m sure as much as it would tick off your Dad, you technically don’t belong to him. If you want it to be just you two, I’m totally for going to Vegas, or at least to City Hall. My best friend did that and it was just her and her husband, her parents, his friend. That was it. Perfect for them.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do! And, if your family loves you enough to want to be there, they’ll love you no matter what decision you make.

Post # 10
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you just need to tell them how you feel…I would cut the friends and FMIL’s friend. I bet that people just don’t understand how intimate you want it to be…they just want to come because they probably think that it would mean alot to you BUT it doesn’t. In the end I’m sure everyone wants you to be happy, so let them know what that is!

Post # 11
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Second RxBridetoBe… cut out the friends, and invite NO one else. 🙂 Good luck!

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