(Closed) Need to vent!! Please help give this bee some advice.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

You are not being overly sensitive. She is being selfish. Make your plans. She is not even engaged yet, and if she really wants you in and/or at your wedding, she will work with your schedule. If she treats you badly because of this, she wasn’t really your friend to begin with.

Post # 4
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

@noritake22: good advice! She might be paniking since she isnt engaged, and she might be thinking that without a wedding right after yours she will “never” get married. Stick to your plans, she hasn’t made any!

Post # 5
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes, I second noritake – you are the one who is currently planning a wedding/honeymoon.  She can figure out the date of her wedding once she actually gets engaged!

Post # 6
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sometimes, holiday weekend weddings are just easier for guests to attend. So I understand why she might want to schedule her wedding then.

If it does end up happening, could you just leave on your honeymoon the day after her wedding instead of the day after your own?

Post # 7
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh, tell her (from someone who is having her wedding on a holiday weekend) that holiday weekends are kind of terrible times to have a wedding.  If it’s Memorial Day or 4th of July, people have “family reunions” or “annual picnics” or “camping trips” and you would. not. believe. how many people are just so bound and determined to stick to those “annual plans”.  Maybe that will dissuade her from planning her wedding that weekend 🙂

 

Post # 8
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

First off, you’re doing nothing wrong! You can’t plan your wedding/honeymoon around another wedding date that hasn’t even been set yet. What if they break up or he doesn’t propose til the end of this year?

I’d tell her that you & your FH are taking a 2 week honeymoon after your wedding. Say when she gets married, you plan on going to their wedding & will be excited & happy to go. But you’ll be on your honeymoon during the 2 weeks after your wedding & that’s the only time you won’t be able to make it.

You only get 1 wedding, 1 honeymoon… she sounds kinda rude for insisting you not take a 2 week honeymoon so you can attend her wedding with a guy she’s not yet engaged to.

Post # 10
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

you are not being insensitive she is.  I am cutting my honeymoon short for my neices sweet 16 and its pissing me off but shes a kid and she has to work with what her father will do (his divorced from my sister) and It will kill me not to be there — but for an adult to do that to her friend is childish and inconsiderate. 

Post # 12
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

OMG your wedding is far away and she can’t pick a day thats not a week after it?! Seriously, shes the one being insensitive and making an issue out of nothing. I mean really? Can’t she pick a different holiday weekend once she actually gets engaged?

Post # 13
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

eek! That sounds like the movie bride wars! Is she racing to marry just because you are? Sounds like it!  No seriously, you are not being insensitive, plan your wedding/honeymoon the way you always planned and if she goes ahead with her wedding date knowing that you won’t make it, then it’s her loss!

Post # 14
Member
2377 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Uh, the gal isn’t even engaged yet.  Do not plan your honeymoon around someone who may or may not be getting married at that time.  Enjoy your honeymoon and hopefully your friend will act  more like a mature adult.  Her actions remind me of the time I was in kindegarden and the class bully would steal all the cool toys “just incase” she wanted to play with them later.  Grrrr…..

Post # 15
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Hey everyone, can we lay off the “she isn’t engaged!” stuff?  We don’t know anything about her or her relationship.  My FI and I had a date set for months before the public proposal, but we mutually agreed to wait to reveal our intention to marry until we had been dating for a certain amount of time and had a ring.  I think the assumptions here that she’s dragging her guy to the altar because she’s jealous that her friend is getting married are totally unfounded and rude.  It may be true.  Or, she may be trying to troubleshoot potential wedding problems now, since she can’t do other types of planning publicly. 

OP, I would just stick to your word that you don’t know what your plans are, but I would also let her know as soon as you do decide, since you said you do want to attend her wedding if possible.  Don’t change your plans for her, but also try not to get too annoyed with her for asking.  Just let it roll off your back.  Hopefully her plans aren’t too far along and she will end up changing her mind about this particular weekend, but you aren’t obligated to change anything in your plans to accommodate her.

Post # 16
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Since she isn’t engaged yet i would just drop it for now. If she ends up getting engaged and she truely is a clsoe friend I would postpone my honeymoon until after the wedding.

I think she is feeling more left out then anything. She really wants to be engeged and hearing you plan you wedding probably makes her excited to plan hers. I don’t think she is jealous, I rarely agree that that is the case when people suggest that, but it is probably just bringing out a lot of emotions in her.

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