(Closed) NEED TO VENT–Terrible Etiquette–WWYD??

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My Zen response: you don’t know any of these things (the chicken wings, the 100-person plate catering, the expectations on dad) EXCEPT the stock the bar party for a fact, do you? So make your decision on whether or not you would like to be there to support this person, especially because it’d be a shame if all this is a vicious rumor-mill OR if someone else didn’t clue her in and she fixed everything. 

If it’s likely this is real, then either don’t go or go and purchase something modest for the wedding gift. 


My down in the mud response: I can’t turn down nachos period, but I love ’em with an awkward turtle trainwreck. Bring a flask!

Post # 48
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have nothing against appetizer receptions… but black tie weddings are supposed to be sit down dinner type receptions!!! The food should match the formality. I’m not putting on my floor lenghth dress to fight over the nachos and have no where to sit. SO RIDICULOUS!

I would make sure that the other guests know what she’s planning so they can tailor their generous gifts.

Post # 49
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree! Eat a big dinner beforehand, bring a modest gift, a flask, comfy shoes, and watch the train wreck. Then report back to the bee!

Post # 51
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@undercoverbee11  I find statements like “When you already did this less than 5 years ago… like C’mon” insulting.  That implies that if this wasn’t her second wedding it would be okay?  If not, then why mention that is her second wedding at all?

Post # 52
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@undercoverbee11  OMG your friends are genius. I second the sell hot dogs outside idea!!

Post # 53
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry…I just can’t even begin to understand the train of thought here….If you can only afford to feed 100 people, why don’t you invite 100 people? Isn’t it better to “offend” the other 100 by not inviting them, than to invite them, take gifts from them, let them pay for outfits, travel, lodging…and then not even feed them?

This makes my head hurt-I am sorry you have to actually be a part of this. Dear lord.

Post # 54
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

As someone who is in the process of planning her encore wedding, I don’t find it offensive at all that the OP mentioned the tidbit about this being the bride’s 2nd large wedding in 5 years. It seems to me like the bride is focusing more on the size of the party, not the comfort of her guests (and their tummies and toes). And the bit about her father not being able to contribut financially? No one HAS to pay for your wedding except you and your fiance (wedding ettiquete 101.) 

My parents paid for the majority of my first wedding (7 years ago). I don’t expect them to pay for anything this time around. They very generously offered to pay for the venue or catering for my upcoming wedding and we thanked them graciously for their offer, but will probably not accept it. 

OP, if you must go, try to distance yourself emotionally from the situation and hopefully you’ll be able to laugh about it later. If I were in your situation, I would not go…. and I’d probably send her a gift card to a local restaurant since she doesn’t seem to have enough funds to feed anyone (but I tend to get a little snarky around preposterous, me-me-me people.)

Post # 55
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would go to see this trainwreck first hand and I would order a nice large pizza and have it delivered to the venue and eat it at the table. 🙂

Post # 56
7769 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I just wouldn’t go, then again- is this person your friend?  How close are you?  I believe in loving the people that are important to us, even if they are not perfect all the time- so if this was a close friend I wouldn’t really care if she has terrible ediquette- know what I mean?

I also find it sad that people are like “report back to the bee after the disaster.”  Goodness me, that is pretty cruel.  If this is your friend, go- have fun and forget the rest.  If not, don’t go!  It would be far worse ediquette to go and make fun of someone after.  Don’t go if you do not have sincere care for this person.

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