(Closed) Need to vent…relationship w/ FI is making me sad

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Ugh that sucks. Has he considered staying on his meds?

Post # 4
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m going to stay what I think a lot of bees are going to say. You need couples counseling! Communication is so important. I wouldn’t be marrying my Fiance if we hadn’t gone into see a couples counselor. We had two years of counseling and we are the best we have ever been together. 

Post # 5
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

When is he planning on telling the kids…when you’re moving in? This seems wrong and I don’t see how that will help. You have had a long enough engagement that they should have already been eased into the idea.

Is he divorced? When was that final?

Also, the having to know what you’re doing every second is a huge red flag to me. You have a right to go to work functions or have a girlfriend over without him giving you a hard time about not putting him first.

Post # 6
Member
5963 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Being so angry you can’t think straight is the worst…whenever that happens, I call my Mom, she starts making me laugh, the I make her laugh and by the end of the call, I’ve got tears rolling down my face and I almost pee my pants…it’s nice, do you have a friend that does that for you?

I don’t have any advice for dealing with your Fiance, other than waiting until your calm and in control to address these issues, and asking yourself if you still love him, if yes, it’s worth working through, if not…time to pack up and get outta dodge.

Mr. 99 can piss me off with an over exaggerated blink, so I know how it’s hard to focus on those golden traits when he’s being an ass….I just have to remind myself that he has a heart of gold…wrapped in ass sometimes.

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Disheartened:  Only you know what you willing to live with. A partner with a mental disorder can be very challenging–I know from past experience. I think you may want to put yourself in a different context and ask: What are the qualities I want in a life partner?

Do you want someone to trust you, someone who respects you? I think those questions are fundamental. If he is up for counseling–you may want to consider that before moving in with him. If not, I don’t think you should contort yourself to fit into the partner he wants you to be–no matter what–you should be you and he should love you for you AND respect you. That goes for you too–you have known him long enough to know what kind of husband he will be. Marriage does not change character or personality. If you are arguing all of the time, if he is insecure in the relationship, if he is hiding the status of your relationship–that may or may not change in the future. Love is beautiful, but practically speaking there needs to be more than love to make a marriage last. You said that he loves you, do you love him? Your Fiance obviously makes you happy–that’s why you have been with him for 6 years.

Let him know that you love him but tell him what you expect from him (i.e. take his meds daily, communicate your relationship status to his children, to only speak words of love etc)

The 5 love languages is a great book in case you cannot go to counseling. 

Post # 8
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I don’t mean to make sweeping generalizations without the whole story, but one of the hallmarks of depression and anxiety is the tendancy to see things in only black and white. This could extend to his thinking about you and how you too communicate – he is right, and you are wrong. He is just busy with work, YOU are not making time for him. And nothing you can do can change that, because that’s the way it is in his mind.

That was how an ex of mine viewed my friends: if I was talking to another guy, I was flirting and thinking about cheating and we were fighting and about to break up, if he was talking to a girl it was just conversation. He literally couldn’t comprehend it any other way.

Like @Tita4Justice said, only you know how much you can take of this. Personally, this isn’t something I would stand for. How would it make you feel if your kids started acting this way? If you had a friend whose SO treated you like this, would you think it’s okay? 

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