(Closed) Need unbiased advice – no more kiddos? – long

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@cannotwait: personally, I think you should give it time and talk it out with your Darling Husband.  You could also talk to counselor about the depression and everything.  It couldn’t hurt.  

wish I could help out more.  good luck!

Post # 4
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

My only advice is what I’ve been told – wait a few years to make a final decision.  Supposedly many people change their minds once their LO is really interactive and fun (I’ve been told around 10 months or so).  I too originally wanted two kids and after my pregnancy with my DS, I am pretty convinced I’m not willing to do that again.  I’d rather go through labor and delivery again over pregnancy.  My family is constantly trying to convince me I’ll have a second baby but Darling Husband and I pretty much have made up our minds that it is truly unlikely we’ll go for a second baby.  We agreed to keep our options open for about 5 years before making any final decisions (vasectomy). 

I’m sorry you’ve had such a struggle.  Whatever you decide, know that only you and your husband know what is best for you and you shouldn’t bow to pressure from outside sources.  You will do what is best for your family and your relationship with your husband and it will be right for you, which is the most important thing.

Post # 5
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

@cannotwait: So I only have one kid, born in august, so not your ideal responder….but first I just wanted to say I am sorry you are having such a tough time!  PPD is pretty serious – my SIL had it and didn’t get proper treatment for many years and it was very hard on her and my brother.  Do you feel like you have a good provider who is helping you? I know getting her meds right was important to her getting back to a good place.

I would suggest focusing on getting yourself healthy before you add the stress of worrying about a second child.  I think at this point it wouldn’t be fair to yourself, your baby or your husband to add another baby to the mix.  But please don’t think that just because you feel this way 7 months in you are stuck here for good!  There are people out there who should be able to help you with the PPD – take care of yourself….

Post # 6
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Not having more kids is a viable option but there’s probably not any reason to feel pressure to decide right now.  Another kid now doesn’t sound ideal for you guys but things could always change in the future, maybe keep some notes on how you’re feeling now to remind yourself of in the future when you reconsider more kids vs no more kids.

Post # 9
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Since you like to plan can you plan to reevaluate in a year and know that in the mean time both you and your husband are OK with not having another kid?  How seriously are you considering adoption?  Do you like your job but just feel overwhelmed with learning to be a mommy and a fulltime job or is the job only OK and you are you just waiting for the contract to be up?

Post # 10
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree to give it some more time before making this decision.  It just sounds like you’re not ready for another baby yet, and that’s ok.  You don’t have to stick to a timeline that you and your husband decided on before having COWboy; you had no idea back then what it was going to be like.  It sounds like yo’re still recovering, and you need to give yourself time to rest and recoup before deciding if another bio baby is right for your family.

Fwiw, a lot of couples struggle after having a baby.  I’ve been doing a lot of reading and research, and it seems that having a baby is one of the biggest adjustments a couple can go through.  You, individually, need time to adjust, and your relationship needs time to evolve and adjust.  I’ve heard from a lot of mommy friends (and from what I’ve read) that most people need a full year after the birth of their child before they are comfortable making a decision about future children.   At 7 months, COWboy hasn’t even been on the outside as long as he was on the inside, so I think it would be hard to judge how you are going to feel 5 months from now based on how you feel right now.  Take your time; there’s no rush to make a decision right now, right? 

Post # 11
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@cannotwait:

I suffered from PPD until my son was about 2years old — however, I have a history of depression so that definitely had something to do with it. If you are still having tough days is there anyway that you can see a counsellor less frequently (like 1x every 2weeks or something or even 1x a month?) just to address the issues?

I found that having me time was key to lifting my spirits–I know it’s hard to go out and do things that are not strictly ‘mom’ but you have to remember that you are more than just ‘mom’ (and ‘dad’ is more than ‘dad’ too) and make time for that. And i am not talking hanging out in the house while your husband watches the baby, but going out without any baby related distractions and just doing something for you every now and then (screw exercise, that’s work haha).

I would wait to see how you feel when your baby is about 18months, and starts acting like a true little person before making any concrete decisions. I didn’t think I would ever want anymore children, ever, but once my son was about 2.5-3years old I started to think “[another] wouldn’t be so bad….just maybe not now…” we had other concerns (career, house, school  etc) to consider before continuing with planning our family, but now that things are more settled (career, check, house check) it seems more appealing. Though I will admit, that even after waiting almost 6 years (from pregnancy to now–our son is almost 5) we still aren’t sure– as the old adage goes there is never a perfect time for a baby.

If you want to talk feel free to PM me.

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