Post # 1
Hello Bees! Hope everyone is have a fabulous weekend!!
I need some words of encouragement today! My boyfriend’s older brother is getting married in one week and of course all anyone is talking about is this wedding. It is really, really getting to me and I am starting to have feelings of jealously towards the Bride and I don’t like that! I’m just so sick of seeing sometime on Facebook every time I sign on about wedding this, wedding that. Ugh, I get it!
I thought about it last night and I think I understand why I am having feelings of jealousy. It’s not because she is getting married and I’m not, I’m really happy for them! I guess I’m jealous of the Bride because she is so young (22) and she is getting married and I know it’s going to work for them. I was 20 when I got married and was divorced at 23, so I am jealous that it is going to work for her when everyone said it wouldn’t for me and, low and behold, it didn’t. It also bugs me that all she talks about is the wedding and the honeymoon and not the fact that she is getting married.
Ok, so a little bit of it is the fact that the Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been talking about engagement and we both agreed it can’t happen until after this wedding… so that adds to the jealously a bit.
Any words of wisdom Bees? I am flying up in 5 days and will be par-taking in pre-wedding festivities with the Bride and her bridal party and I just want to enjoy myself. I don’t want to feel this way and I certainly can’t talk to my Boyfriend or Best Friend about these feelings. I feel awful, help!!
Post # 3
I say just focus on having fun on that day and don’t compare your situation to her situation (easier said then done I know!). Take the day as a big pinkrose23 PRE-WEDDING planning party. You can look at what part of the wedding you totally would do for your wedding and think how exciting it is going to be when it is your turn. Just try to turn everything into a positive thought. You might have way more fun than you expected. Oh, have some good comebacks for when people ask when is your wedding? If the person isn;t married yet, I usually said right after your wedding! We are waiting for you to get married first. I was in your same situation and I had so much fun at the wedding.
**Hugs** and have fun.
ETA: Yeah, don;t talk to him about it. You never know- going to the wedding together might get him excited about a wedding.
Post # 4
@pinkrose23: There’s NO WAY to know for sure if her marriage is going to last. Life is long, marriage is a lot of work, and you can’t predict what will happen.
Having been through divorce yourself, I think you should focus on how that experience made you wiser and how that wisdom can help you build a strong marriage this time. So many brides (including the one you are jealous of) are totally naive about that.
If it’s too painful, hide the bride’s status updates for a while.
Also be thankful that this wedding will be over soon and you won’t have to dote on the couple any longer! You’re clearly on the path to marriage and you’ve got a lot of good stuff to look forward to!
Post # 5
@bluefrog33: Oh my goodness you’re right! I never even considered that people might ask when my turn is next … so far all I have replied with is “Well, that’s not up to me, he just has to ask!” I like your response better, thank you!
And you’re right about turning everything into a positive. I have only ever been to one wedding (not including my own because it was a sham) so this will be exciting to get some inspiration 😉 And I think you’re right about it maybe making my Boyfriend or Best Friend more excited about engagement. As it stands now, everytime we talk about his brother’s wedding he starts talking about our own shortly after without me bringing it up.
Post # 6
@remijp: One thing I have been reminding myself is that it will be all over soon, but then I feel bad for thinking that way. But it’s true, it will be over soon and I’m sure after the wedding my jealously will melt away.
I really do hope their marriage lasts! They are pretty good together. But I do feel thankful for having experience to draw from (however unfortunate that may be).
And you are right, maybe blocking her FB posts might make me feel better for a little while. It’s so bad, it’s like 2 posts a day now… out of control.
Post # 7
@pinkrose23: It’s ok to feel this way and the Bee is a great place to vent about it. When you’re in the “waiting” stage the last thing you want to hear about is other people’s weddings.
Post # 8
@pinkrose23: I like when the PP said to look at it as pre-wedding planning. The time will pass.
I went to the hairdresser last month and found a bride getting her hair done to be married in a few hours. I am in my early twenties and she is 4 years younger than I am… I’m trying to say that she is really young. I was jealous! But then we started chatting and the jealousy melted away. She wasn’t even super excited. She said that it was because she was planning the wedding for about 2 years now.
Maybe you should tr bonding a lil more with the bride.
Post # 9
@pinkrose23: I was in this same boat about two months ago. Minus the entire having been already married bit, which I would hope would help you to want to wait a bit more to ensure that it is right forever this time.
I have NEVER BEEN MARRIED or ENGAGED and I had to deal with my BF’s older brother getting married to his fiance on HER timeline i guess because she get’s everything she wants. She wanted to be married by 30, and let EVERYONE know the entire time that she was getting married by 30 and this was such a big goal for her. (I’m 30, was 30 at the time of the wedding and desperately wanted to get married or hell even engaged by 30).
I know it’s hard not to be jealous…I’m a little jealous of you if that makes you feel better 🙂 My Boyfriend or Best Friend has another brother who has already bought a ring for his live in Girlfriend and I know they will be next and we will have to wait for THEIR engagement then THEIR wedding to be over before ours will happen 🙁 At least yours will be sometime after this week. Her moment will be over, and then it will be yours.
Please stay focused on what you have that is going for you (like, you’ve already been engaged, married, you’re a strong woman who will wait as long as she needs to make sure that the next one lasts, and that at least you know its coming up for you).
Hugs and good luck!