(Closed) Need your opinion on this new guy I just started seeing

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9785 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Maybe since you are playing games and never text him first he thinks you aren’t that interested.

Post # 3
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

dalia88 :  If this happened to me, I would probably write him off, the reason being he knew you were available Saturday and (to me) did not give a good excuse as to why he couldn’t see you.  Studying?  I know people have to study but if he really had to study, he should have told you sooner in the day then waiting until Saturday at 5:00 to let you know.  Not knowing anything else about him, to me it sounds like he was waiting for other plans, then whoops!  He needs to let you know he’s not available.

Not only did he blow you off Saturday, but he didn’t reschedule.  If he really had to study and really wanted to see you again, he would have made a date with you the next time he talked to you.

I also get a bit leery when guys text every single day after meeting but maybe that’s just me being a bit cautious.  I’m not saying you have to play games, but maybe he realized he was getting to involved to fast and needed to slow things down.

When I first start dating anyone I would only see them once a week.  I think you’re expecting too much to see someone so much in the beginning.

Post # 5
Member
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Yeah.. basically everything said above me. Does not seem like hes particularly keen.

Id still text first and be a bit straight up, ie I want to see you. From his response you will learn everything 

Post # 7
Member
1182 posts
Bumble bee

Hi honey! I’ve so been there before, totally get your feelings about this. Tbh, I think you’re a bit too invested for after just one date?  I know you had a great time etc but the reality remains that you still don’t really know this guy, or what he’s looking for and who else he’s seeing etc. I think all you can do is remain positive and accept another date with him if he offers, and see how it goes. Keep your options option xxx

Post # 8
Member
681 posts
Busy bee

That’s weird and inconsiderate that he cancelled last minute, but I wouldn’t write him off yet. If he keeps acting sketchy, though, you should probably call it off, so more of your time is not wasted.

Post # 9
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

Not worth it. He should have contacted you ahead of time about not being able to make the date. He either has poor time management skills or had better plans come up and sadly I would assume the latter. 

Post # 10
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

Just something to think about, so last time we’re dating you were about 23 and possibly dating guys in their early 20s? If so, I think dating a guy in his early 20s is way different than a guy in his early 30s. I don’t think I would write him off just yet. If he works and goes to school full time, he has to be busy. I just think that when I was young, in college and dating, I probably would have pushed off school work to see a guy I really liked. At 32, I wouldn’t. I think if the two of you hit it off, it’s worth seeing him again. 

Post # 11
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

dalia88 :  I think he’s interested, but he’s questioning whether you are or not. I’d be wary of someone who never initiates contact, even if she says yes when I initiate. If you like him, grow up and ditch the games and text him first every now and then. 

Post # 12
Member
6665 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

dalia88 :  I don’t buy into this hypocritical bull I see from women here all the time.  We’re women, we’re so powerful, we don’t play around when we’re dating, etc.  Oh, but the man needs to chase the woman or he won’t be interested.  He cancelled a date and I never contacted him after and even though he got up with me again and asked me out, he must not be interested.  What a load of crap.  Are women empowered or aren’t they?? What the heck are you waiting around for? (and OP, I’m not saying you are an ultra feminist, it’s just the general vibe I get from the whole beehive, as it were).

He asked you out.  You went and had a great time. He asked again and made fairly vague plans that he had to cancel.  He didn’t instantly ask to reschedule. You never asked to reschedule either.  You never texted him again until he texted you several days later.  He asked when he could see you.  One day didn’t work, another sounds good.  Why the frick does this mean he’s not interested?

Also you “pretended that you’re super understanding” ??  I hope he never hears that one, what an eye roller.  If I were him, I can guarantee I’d be waiting to see if you could be bothered with texting me once or twice in the week since we’d met.  If you didn’t, I’d draw the conclusion that it was you that wasn’t interested in me.  I wouldn’t ask you out again as he did.

Blunt, but honest.  I think you’re reading way the heck too much into his “lack of interest”  If you like him, go on the second date.  If he cancels again, don’t bother answering anymore texts; he shouldn’t be playing games either.

Post # 13
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Online dating is terrible. I know people who have legitimately met their significant others/wives/husbands on Tinder/Match/etc, however, having done online dating myself, it sucks!

Most people on those apps are dating multiple people at once and coming out of a long term relationship, I found that my expectations of those dates were too high. The first date, you just are testing the water. If you make it past date 3, yeah, maybe you’re thinking this has potential. Most of my dates from online dating didn’t make it past date 3. Either they flaked out or I wasn’t interested.

My opinion is that he doesn’t seem that interested. I wouldn’t necessarily write him off, but I’d re-set my expectation level. Different guys have different styles. Given how strong he came on, he certainly seems to have cooled off. Whereas another guy may approach much softer, and steadily build up to more frequent communication.

Post # 14
Member
12291 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Cancelling last minute like that would normally be incredibly rude. Only you can judge whether the circumstances seemed legitimate and how sorry he seemed to be. 

I disagree with those who say this has anything at all to do with who is texting whom first. 

Post # 15
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

dalia88 :  i’m usually quick to say “he’s not into you”, but knowing his situation and what you’ve told us about him initiating makes me think he might still be interested but just super busy! i think you should suggest the next meetup time, but leave it open ended, for example texting, “hey, let’s meet up on saturday and go to Xrestaurant, if that doesn’t work when would you want to meet up?” i think his answer will tell you what you need to know. at the same time i’d continue to be on tinder and meet up with others for dates. in other words, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. know that he might not be into you, but don’t totally write him off.  

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