(Closed) Need your opinion on this new guy I just started seeing

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

If it was me, I think I’d keep my options open and not stop dating other people just yet, but not completely write this guy off either.  I do think it’s crappy and annoying that he cancelled plans at the last minute, and if he keeps doing it that’s definitely a sign to move on, but you guys are still in the early awkward stage of the relationship and if you really like him it’s okay to give him the benefit of the doubt.  There’s no need to play games, but it’s definitely a good idea to not commit to one guy right off the bat until you know it’s a mutual and “for sure” thing. 

Post # 17
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

You’re purposely playing games by never texting first, and you’re worried that HE doesn’t seem interested? He sounds like a busy guy and he probably thinks that you aren’t that interested. Put your antiquated notions aside and text him first to tell him you can’t wait to meet up again. Relationships are a two way street, you can’t expect him to put in all the work. You’ve only gone out once, so stop the games and give it a chance. 

Post # 18
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t see how this is so complicated. If you feel like seeing him again, see him again, if you don’t, then don’t. You’re not going to have a perfect sense of whether he’s “worth your time” based on what random women on the internet say. Take it one day at a time, and tomorrow you can decide if you want to try to see him or if you want to do anything else. And then you can gauge how you feel about the results of whatever ends up happening.

Post # 19
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

Move on! If a guy is really into you, he WILL find time to text and see you even if it means he doesn’t sleep lol. Nexxxxxxt!

Post # 20
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

I think you’re overthinking this. He cancelled the date last minute, so what. Life happens. He sounds interested, you’re interested. Enjoy yourselves. 🙂

Post # 21
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I think you are already 3 steps too far ahead. Just enjoy getting to know him when you can but don’t get too invested already. It was only one date. If anything it will scare him off too. Enjoy life, enjoy being single and let him do things at his own pace.

Post # 22
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

I get why you are conflicted.  If you haven’t dated for a while then it’s easy to wonder and question lots of things.  Take a deep breath and ask yourself if you would care as much if you had another date you were looking forward to.  Probably not.  The best advice that my friend gave me when I started dating again after ending my engagement was date 3 to find the 1.  So, you need to get 2 other people in the mix quickly.  Otherwise, if you’ve been in a long term relationship you will start acting and treating a new guy like you are in a relationship with him – and you are not.  I don’t care how much you like this guy, find others and then if he ever pulls the crap that he pulled on Saturday you won’t be as bothered.  Waiting on the guy to txt seems reasonable to me because in this day and age lots of guys don’t even try to make any effort because they don’t have to – some women are very aggressive.  If you don’t want that type of experience then do what you think is best – feminism be damned :-).  I would say that your best response is something like “I am available on Wednesday between x – x.  Are you still free?  If so, then maybe we could check out this xxxxx.”  If he says yes then I might follow-up by saying “ok, great, look forward to seeing you.  Please let me know in advance if u can’t make it so that I can make other plans.”  He’ll get the point that your time is also valuable….

Post # 23
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2019

So I met my fiancé on tinder and, to be honest, I sound a lot like this guy you’re dating. I was trying to balance my full time job, exams and study, socialising (my ex had isolated me from my friends so it was very important for me to get back on track with them) and dating! I kept cancelling on him last minute and it wasn’t me “playing games” or not being interested, I was literally just overwhelmed. Give him another chance – my fiancé gave me the chance and we couldn’t be happier now. What’s the worst that could happen?

Post # 24
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

I can’t say if he’s interested or not and I don’t really want to focus on that. 

Instead what I want to say is that I have many male friends. They are very sensistive, genuine and friendly and have similar expectations as we do (women) when it comes to dating. What do I mean by that? I mean I have never, ever known a man to date a women who was playing games and fall head over heels with her immediately. Sure there are probably stories of this happening, but typically guys are dating to have fun and genuinely get to know someone.

So, Bee, my advice is to just be yourself. If you feel like texting, text. If you aren’t thinking of them and don’t want to text, dont. The right guy, good guys, want to get to know you and won’t be more or less attracted to you either way.

Post # 25
Hostess
8740 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

dalia88 :  Having, until recently, been single for a long time after a long term relationship broke up, and having to endure the horror that is online dating (met my new man on Tinder btw and our first date was just coffee which turned into a 7 hour long date, then we couldn’t meet up for a week as I was too busy) I totally get that it is so easy to get so wrapped up and worried about things like this.

 

You don’t want to waste your time, I get that, it was rude and annoying him cancelled but don’t write him off yet, you don’t know what you may be missing out on if you do. He probably thinks you are not interested if you never inititate conversation by texting him first etc. Be brave, drop him a text and say that you really enjoyed your first date, it was a shame you couldn’t meet up on Saturday and would like to get the next date in the diary. Put yourself out there and then his response to that will give you some more clues about how he is feeling about it all. x

Post # 26
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I agree that you definitely make it known that you are interested to him. Some guys don’t receive that message too clearly and will back off if they don’t think you like them.

He’s either lying or telling the truth when he was too busy to keep your date. Let know you want another chance to spend time with him. If he knows you want that, then he can have the opportunity to ask you out again if he’s interested.

but if he doesn’t schedule anything winthin the week, move on. 

Post # 28
Member
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Consider your platform, too — Tinder is known for hook up culture. If you want to start dating people, I’d consider using other sites.

Post # 29
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

I agree with the PP who said stop playing games “oh I can’t text him” *flutters eyelashes* why the hell not? Dating is a two way street and if I was him I’d assume you where the one not interested.

drop the nonsense and text the guy first every now and again. 

Post # 30
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

He’s probably tired of always being the first one to initiate texts and suggest dates. I’d say by now he’s assuming you aren’t that into him and is backing off a bit. No one wants to put a ton of effort into someone they think is lukewarm about them.

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