(Closed) Need your opinion on this new guy I just started seeing

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
454 posts
Helper bee

Life happens, he had to cancel a date. I don’t know why that would be a dealbreaker already? You’ve barely started seeing the guy. I wouldn’t start throwing around the “well if he wanted to see you he would make time” thing… adults have obligations sometimes. Cut him some slack.

I think you should grow out of playing the waif and be direct. It’s not going to “ruin” things if you text him first or suggest a time. It’ll likely make your interactions stronger.

Post # 32
2631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Online dating is how I met my husband, so I do have faith that it can work.  However, I agree with the PP that said that you should reset your expectations.  For the first 2-3 dates, people are really just testing the waters still.  When I met my husband, I didn’t really know till about the 6th date that this was relationship that I wanted to invest in and I believed had potential.  Its just tough when you really don’t know the other person at all.  (we didn’t text much at all before our 1st date, sounds like maybe you have though).

I never went on a 2nd date with a guy less than a week after the 1st date.  And in all honestly, he might be seeing some other women currently too.  (I had gone on a different date the day before I met my husband).  Also, you should probably text the guy first once in awhile so he knows you are interested.  When I met my husband I was pretty fed up with online dating and didn’t invest much in the beginning of our relationship.  As a result, he thought I wasn’t interested and we almost never went on a 2nd date.

Basically,  you need to re-adjust your expecations in dating when you are meeting people online.  Stop trying to play games and be honest.  Ask if he wants to meet or not.  Suggest a couple specific times and places and go from there.  It should be pretty clear if he’s into you or not.

Post # 33
1350 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think you are overthinking this. 

1. stop waiting for him to chase you, it’s not going to work, You are a grown up- iniate conversation when you want to, ask him out when you want to. Why play this damsel in distress when it’s not who you are. 

2. It’s been one date, online dating is a numbers game. He has no idea how you feel about him and while that kiss may have seemed like a really big deal to you it may not have sealed your feelings for him. 

3. Go on dates, go on a lot of dates. You dated your boyfriend from when you were 24 to 28, I’m sure you are a different person now have fun being that person and don’t jump into every date like it’s the next man you marry. 



Post # 34
2611 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I feel like it’s not worth giving up yet. Originally, he was always the one to message you first which shows interest. He made plans for a second date while on the first so that’s always a good sign. Sometimes people make mistakes, and it really is possible that he made a scheduling mistake and couldn’t meet you for the second date. I do find it odd that he didn’t reach out until a few days later but fact is he did. If he goes from here with making plans, talking to you, doing what he says he will, etc. I would keep dating him! But if he keeps cancelling dates and changing his mind, I would end it. My now Fiance and I met online and he cancelled our first date! My mom thought he was just trying to get out of it. He then told me we could do a Skype date later that night (he had to work a longer shift than he thought) and then we rescheduled that night for later. Things happen. But if they keep happening, it’s like the quote from the book He’s Just Not That Into You “busy is another word for asshole.” Hope this helps. Good luck!

Post # 35
373 posts
Helper bee

wonderlily : I met my SO on Tinder nearly two years ago and now we live together. While I know that’s the reputation Tinder has, I think you get out what you put in – if you only want to hook up, you’ll find those people. If you are looking for something more serious, you will find those people too!

Post # 37
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’m sorry. Yeah, I’d move on. Even if he’s telling the truth, doesn’t sound like he has time for a relationship. There’s more fish in the sea!

Post # 38
4823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

dalia88 :  I may be overly cynical but I’d guess he is married or has a girlfriend.  In any case, move on!!  

Post # 39
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

He’s only contacted her a few times in the span of a week and just because she hasn’t initiated yet, she’s playing games? He asked her out for a second date, she said yes, then he canceled, so he should be the one rescheduling. If he’s not, he’s probably not that interested. With the second cancelation, I think you know your answer, bee. From the online experiences of my friends, I suspect he got another offer or is attached. Next.

I met my Boyfriend or Best Friend on match. Maybe give that a whirl?

Post # 40
2631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

yep, I think you got your answer.  Something is up since he says he’s free and then cancels. I’d move on!

Post # 41
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Edit: Just read your update. Screw that guy.

I’d give him another shot, because he is continuing to contact you–but if he cancels again, I’d write him off. Even if his intentions are good, I personally wouldn’t want to date someone that flaky. 

Post # 42
6628 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

dalia88 :  That clinches it then.  Doesn’t matter if it’s the complete truth, he is not in a place to be dating someone right now.  MBA, full time job and traveling abroad are taking up way too much of his time for him to consider a relationship.  Or his wife wants to have dinner together tonight…

Plenty of fish in the sea.  I met my husband online and went on dates with several nice guys beforehand.  Remember though, no game-playing with the next guy.  Be as open and honest as you would like someone dating you to be.

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